holidays

so my parents mostly surprised me with a visit. they arrived last saturday and left again on Christmas day. we had a good time. glad they got to spend some time with the boys from the ranch. my parents make grand grandparents.

tonight is the mixed nuts party at the ranch.

went to bed before 9.30 last night. it was a beautiful thing to sleep until my alarm went off at 6.48 this morning. between my parents, denise's mom, and hanging out at the ranch - my body was worn out. (oh there may be some other factors, but we i'm not going into detail.)

looking forward to having 4 days off again. having Christmas and new year's day fall on tuesdays is working out to be a beautiful thing for me. looking forward to tonight and tomorrow and sunday and monday.

it.s been raining for most of the day.

Brrr

it was 22 degrees when i walked out the door this morning. i'm not a cold weather person. how people can enjoy cold weather?

had a great weekend. the behold the lamb concert was phenomenal! visited a satellite church of northpoint community on sunday. there was a soloist named Joy who's got some pipes. it was worth driving a ways just to be part of 'o holy night' with Joy. also i met some interesting people, and ate some great brownie type bars.

i'm currently watching 'biggest loser' finale. some guy lost 186 pounds. that is a whole lot of work. makes me wonder if any of these contestants become so obsessed with losing weight that they become anorexic.

again tonight i am having troubles with my internet... is it too much to ask for your internet and cable to work? just wondering.

international friends

oh the joys of being able to speak to people who represent different countries, and who speak differently than me. i love it! this morning i talked to some of my friends, 1 from switzerland, 2 from kenya, and 2 from tanzania. that's makes my day. earlier this week i called a frieind of mine (well, i guess she's really kimberly's friend, but i met here a couple of times so now she is my friend!) with the sole purpose of speaking to someone who had a foreign accent. frauke is from germany and has a great accent! my friends who are living in switzerland made fun of my funny american accent. i love it that we can all communicate - even if it is in english, with some swahili tossed into the mix. that's a beautiful thing!

you can check out denise's blog to find out what i will be doing today. she has been an interesting post regarding our day.

my cable and internet has been out for 3 days. the cable guy called this morning (saturday) about 9.45 and said he would be out to fix the problem. it's weird because i never scheduled an appointment because i was having scheduling issues because i cannot take any more time off of work this year. i had a call on thursday night that was confirming my appointment on friday morning for the cable guy to come and fix my issue. i cancelled the service call because i was not going to be home to sign my name on the ticket. i did not re-schedule because i needed to find someone to be out my house between 8-1 (which i mostly ridiculous!). yet, the cable guy came on saturday at a time when i was home. that is amazing to me. the Lord continues to amaze me at how He works. truly amazing.

Multiplication

i.m reminded of a time when i was learning how to multilply. most days i would get off the bus about 4.20p and start my homework. my parents both worked late, so i would be home alone with my brother until the time one of my parents got home. let's just say that my brother was not good at helping with my homework. i was really struggling to figure out how to multiply and just couldn.t get it. i was in tears when my dad finally arrived at 5.20. after some consoling, i remember him saying, 'tan, you will understand how to multiply, probably better than i know how. you are very smart and you will get this. it just may take a little time.' then he sat down with me and we figured it out.

even as kid, i had a hard time asking for help. i would need to be in tears before i would break down and ask someone to help me. but when i needed help, someone always was there for me. so thanks, dad, for your encouragement. that day i began to learn how to multiply; now look at me: i work in an accounting department.

(and i won't forget the day my dad came home from pamida with my skateboard! my mom nearly lost her cool, but i loved that skateboard!)

but that was the beginning of a long process of learning multiplication. Jesus when talking about seed and different types of soil, home the lesson when he said, 'It (the seed in the fertile soil) came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times.' [Mark 4.8] before i went to africa i sent out some letters, begging for support. most of you know about those letters because the people who read this blog are the ones who received those letters. it.s the dreaded, 'please-send-money-and-pray-for-me' letter. i discreetly put that first support letter in disguise - it was included in my Christmas letter. (watch out for this year's letter!) you and the good Lord came thru for me and everything i needed was taken care of. i was blessed with enough financial support to give generously to many africans who were in need. giving bibles to the kids in the youth group was pretty sweet. that.s just some examples of those seeds were being multiplied.

again this week i.ve experienced some seeds that were multiplied literally ten times. sacrificial giving... having something i need - then being prompted to give it away - going thru the struggle of not wanting to give it away - finally putting what i have in the offering plate - trusting God to really supply what i need - then being given more than i gave away. the Lord is gracious even until me.

so, Dad, i am still learning my lesson.

IM

[08:49] (friend): once again...it cracks me up how gmail can be such a good tool for conversations that would probably never happen in person
[08:49] me: yes, i completely agree.

Good ol' Louie

'Churches are hospitals and the gospel is the maternity ward.' go here and listen to 'New Life. New Genes.'

laminin. man - that's powerful...

been playing around with some graphic design things the last couple of nights. so far this is what i've managed to design... it can only get better from here. but i like designing. well, maybe i like the hunt to learn how to design about as much as i enjoy the designing. learning new ways to make those swirlly gigs was a challenge, but once i figured out that photoshop brushes can be imported into photo-paint, things began to take shape.

Christmas on the Brain

i.ve been asked if i am ready for Christmas about 6 times today. what does that questions mean? have i exceeded all my spending limits on 'meaningful' (a.k.a junk which no one really needs) gifts? am i ready to receive the Christ child into my life? am i ready for a day off from work so i can spend the day with someone else's family? i don't understand the question, and yet my answer always seems to be 'no'. very strange.

there are 2 americans who are thinking about going to do there dts at the kilimanjaro base. they are brave peeps, but they don't know it. jessica comes up with the great questions. matt hasn't asked me too much, but he's just ready to get there and start this journey. it will be great to follow their journeys... so please be praying for them as they prepare for their time in tanzania. (and say a little prayer for their families too!) i know for certain that your prayers and God's grace carried me thru those crazy days in TZ. (oh, i guess those two components continue to carry me thru my crazy life here in the States.)

so, i am thinking about making new year's resolutions... just so i can see at the end of 2008 how much i've accomplished. goals are not bad things... if i would've made a list for 2007, i wonder what would've been on it, since i knew i was going to TZ. i remember last year about this time... my heart and head were filled with thoughts of how TZ would be - how i would tell my boss and co-workers that i was leaving - planning a trip to sin city for shots - sending out letters, begging for support of every kind - emailing with charnelle from TZ and asking so many questions - seeing how God had arranged for that trip. it's just great to think about! i can't help but have a huge smile on my face when i recall all those moments... and how my co-workers continue to questions where i'm planning to go this year! i have GREAT co-workers. they are amazing!

speaking of co-workers - patsy (a.k.a. pantsy) came into my office and did a happy dance. i did the cabbage patch dance. all because a fellow co-worker filled out his credit card re-imbursement correctly. that's just how we roll around here.

Dork

i.m a dork cuz i love this blog.

Odd Happening

so patsy came into my office and said, 'i just had the strangest thing happen.' then she went on to show me a faxed page which she had received. it was a copy with two tiny footprints and some names written on it. the fax copy wasn.t very clear but after some investigating... this baby is the one who's footprints we have in our office. baby ellie. so now i am praying for baby ellie to grow up to be a passionate pursuer of Jesus Christ - that He empowers her to speak boldly, and to obey when Christ calls her to go into all the earth and make disciples of all people. who knew that some little feet could travel so far without leaving the comfort of her mom's arms?

Her Name

Khadijah's friend's name is Nelly. i found it written down in a notebook at my place.

going to sin city again in january for a scrapbooking retreat. any one wanna go with?

i.ve gotten into drinking coffee lately. well, mostly i should say i.ve gotten into drinking lattes because my coffee has to have milk and sugar.

when i wear my contacts i get compliments. it feels awkward to have married guys say i am beautiful.

lately i have been listening to shane and shane 'pages' cd over and over again.

Christmas is 22 days away.

i like Christmas songs which speak of Christ. all those others songs don.t do much for me - jingle bells, santa is coming to town - blah blah blah. country song that makes me laugh, but it shouldn't - Merry Christmas to the Family by Montgomery Gentry. i haven.t heard grandma got ran over my a reindeer yet either. i remember always giving my gramma t such a hard time about that song! my brother and i couldn.t help but kid her about it.

i am addicted to sudoku.

i have great friends.

looking forward to the upcoming events:

wednesday - presentation at Teasley Middle
friday - dinner at japanese steakhouse
sunday - dinner @ hickoms

i am thinking that Christmas is a time for getting together with all of my friend's family.

Khadijah

how can i accurately describe this beautiful, young women. she.s a bold teenager living in himo, tanzania. she attends class at an all-girls secondary school. i think she may be around 14 years old. she studying to be a doctor. she speaks english quite well. she claims to be catholic. so now that you have an idea of who she is, let me go on to tell you a story of how khadijah has impacted my life.

if you remember from my earlier post of when i was in himo, the conditions are very dry. this is the town where we walked to the river for our daily baths, our regime of water for cleaning and cooking, and where i met some interesting people (see post about helena and friends). the land is very flat around himo so we could walk further from the base in less time compared to marangu where the land has steep slopes. guess that is all the setting of my story...

so one day i was walking around town when i heard some people coming up from behind me. they kept saying, 'ma'am... ma'am...' but i didn.t realize they were talking to me, which is completely stupid now that i think about it because they all speak swahili and not english. so anyway, i stopped and let these two teenage girls run up to me and begin talking. khadijah was one of the girls and i cannot think of the other girl’s name. they had many questions regarding why i was walking around himo alone, if i was a teacher, where i was from, etc. so we walked over to the rocks overlooking the river (incidentally the same place where I met helena) and talked for a long time – surely more than an hour. we talked about so many things and my head is now filled with all their questions.

during our coversation khadijah asked me, 'why are you a Christian?' when a teenage girl asks that question, there is something more going on in her mind. khadijah's friend is a muslim and comes from a muslim family. so i expressed to them that i choose to follow Christ because i know He cares deeply for me and daily shows me ways how He cares. then i gave some examples which had happened the previous day and that morning. it was one of the first times in tanzania that i was able to communicate in english the reason why i believe.

then I walked the girls to the house of the unknown named girl and i walked back to the house where we were staying. a day or so later i saw those two girls again and they invited me to a meal at the house where the unnamed girl lives. (man i wish i could remember her name - i know i have it written down somewhere.)

so the next day i went and ate a wonderful meal prepared by the girls. they had so many different foods. and the house was super nice - like a normal house with a hallway and bedrooms. they also had great furniture and a dish - so they could watch music videos on tv. a friend, miriam, who was also a dts student went with me to the feast. miriam spoke some english so she could understand most of the conversation. the girls also included miriam in some swahili conversations. it was fun to watch the music videos, enjoy the great food and be in a nice house for a short visit.

throughout my time with the girls, i learned that khadijah's friend's parents worked for the government, hence the nice house with a dish. so when i was allowed into their house, it was a very high honor and privilege. who knew? not me at the time! this is another part of it: when i was in their house, i prayed for their muslim hearts to turn from their idolatry and come to worship the Living God, Jesus Christ. i can only wonder what kind of spiritual questions that family has going on in their home, because i know the God invited me into that family's home in order to stir up something unknown to me at the time.

after dinner we all decided to go with khadijah's friend to get some supplies from the market. khadijah's extended family had a both in the market so we waited outside the both while she collected all that she needed. we all drank a coke while we waited. it was great. there was a boy - a young teenage boy at the market who always sought me out and would intentionally ask me if i wanted to buy a plastic bag from him. the market was 2 days a week, and he found me every time i went there, which i think may have been 3 times during my 2 week stay. his eyes held a mysterious glance and i loved to see him - try to get my attention in order for him to ask me to buy a sack for 100 shillings.

ok, so back to the original story, we left the market and walked back to khadijah's friend's house to drop off the supplies. the we continued to walk to the place where miriam and i were staying. by this time it was getting a bit dark, but people seem to walk in the dark all the time. we said our 'usiku mwema's' (good night's) then khadijah and her friend continued on their way to khadijah's house.

miriam and i got back about the time dinner was ready for the group but we were not hungry so we both stood around and talked while the other dts student ate their fish and rice (samaki na wali).

soon after i had someone come to me and say that i had guests. so i went around the corner of the building and khadijah was standing there with another lady. the lady started speaking very stern swahili with me and i did not know what she was saying. i had to ask khadijah to please translate for me because i did not know what she was saying. khadijah told me that this was her mom and she was very upset that i had kept khadijah out so late. she told me that her mom had beat her because she had returned home late and i was not a good person. with that i apologized profusely in swahili - since i had learned that quite quickly. with that her mom told me that i was not see khadijah again. and that was the end of the conversation.

People i work with

before i post my mother load, i wanted to tell about the people i work with.

3 of our service technicians now have laptop computers and printers installed in their vans in order to process our invoices more effeciently. one of those techs came into the office this morning with a dilemma:

tech to service manager: 'my printer won.t work when i am driving down the road.'
service manager: 'what are you doing using the printer when you are driving?'
tech: 'ah, yeah, well, i guess i shouldn't do that.'

another co-worker who was walking out the door to go to lunch steps into my office and says: 'i'm going to see the eye doctor during my lunch. no wait, maybe i am going to get my head examined. no... i think i am going to the eye doctor.'

each week our technicians turn in their paperwork from the jobs where they have worked. one of our techs last week turned in a service ticket which had the word 'void' written on the front. but then i flipped over the ticket and discovered why he didn't want to use that ticket. this is what was written:
lettuce
Apples
Carrots
milk
Dog food
brockely
bbq suse
GB's
Rolls
Sugar

good grief!

blogging

i am constructing a post, but it is taking longer than anticipated. sorry.

Those Moments...

it's those moments.. you may know the ones... where you don't catch it initially how powerful the moment really was, until later when you reflect and discover there was more to the conversation or the glimpse of something. Today I seem to be having many of those moments...

the fill-in pastor on Sunday had 2 points: 1.) Expect Nothing and 2.) Appreciate Everything. That's it – just 2. but those two have stuck with me and continually throughout my day I've thought of them. I've spoken with 3 people (1 email, I through IM, and one face-to-face) who are exceptional at appreciating everything. Throughout my conversation with them, they all gave me very encouraging words. I wanted to say something regarding the sermon, but instead, I only said, 'thanks'. But the two points by that fill-in pastor continue to resound through my thick heart.

tonight I had the opportunity to hear Rob Bell speak at the Tabernacle in Atlanta. First, the Tabernacle is a tremendous venue. From the painting on every flat surface to the seating – it really has magnificent appeal. Secondly, Rob can communicate the message in a very powerful way. From Abraham to Hebrews – Rob presented Christ to those who would accept him. He even said, turn or burn – but that was just a side note! I do not want to be the person who allows the lady with the kids in the shopping carts to pass my house without doing something about it. So I am making a decree – (not quite like Michael from the office when he declared bankcrupcy) – but a life-decree. I refuse to continue to take; I vow to live a life of giving. May You, Holy Father, open the floodgates of opportunities to challenge me to give more than I have ever given before. Let me become weary in giving. Let the giving be in my finances, my conversations, my friendships, my wants. Open my eyes to means of helping others. Don.t let me sit at home and do nothing. Let me do more than walk thru the aisle of the grocery store, praying for each person whom I pass. I am expecting You to give me opportunities to share what You.ve blessed me with. And if I need to ask for help to accomplish Your tasks... humble me and give me the strength to ask. Let my Christmas gifts this year radiate in love for you.

i think I can confidently say that since the day I arrived in the States after my time in Africa, I have been stretched and pulled and hurt and helped in more ways than what I had been in the 5 years leading up to my departure to Africa...

the very thing I know I need to do is the very thing which I want to do the least....

i.m discovering something about myself which I have known, but has become more self-evident in the last few days: I do not talk to someone about the deep things in my life unless I have been around that someone for a long time. And 'for a long time' I mean days... I don.t just open up after a few minutes together - even with my closest friends. Something within me will not allow me to gush forth those deep meditation after only a few minutes together. Maybe that.s part of why I don.t like the telephone - too short of conversations lead to nothing... lately I have not had many of those extended times with my closest friends, and I have had a lot more on my mind/heart than I normally do. Everyone should have a counselor. Again, I am reminded of what I would say if I were ever in the ms. universe pageant and had to answer the question about what to do to solve the world's issues. I would say that I would make a way for each person in the world to have one close, intimate friend in whom they could share their lives.

why am I like this? I truly wonder that answer...

in saying that I have not had extended time with my friends is my fault. I will take the full blame. I have great friends who pursue me and try to get me to talk. Yet I do not. Maybe my heart is not ready to talk. Maybe I do not know how to express what in my life doesn.t feel good or right. Maybe I do not want to admit that 'i'm not perfect, not put together, and sometimes I'm lonely.'

guess I had something to say tonight.

Movie Night

so i went to see a movie tonight: Lions for Lambs. thought provoking flick. want to see it again to catch more parts. there are so many messages to it... making your life count. the movie has some rude language and some war scenes, hence the R rating.

before the show started, there was a music video featuring 3 doors down. the song, citizen soldier, seems to be dedicated to the national guard. i found this blog which has a youTube video of the song. it's a pretty sweet song. here are some lyrics:

Hope and pray that you'll never need me,
but rest assured I will not let you down.
I'll walk beside you but you may not see me,
the strongest among you may not wear a crown.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here!
On that day when you don't have the strength for the burden you bear,
I'll be right here!
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.

you might want to check out that song too.

that sara groves can make some meaningful music.

i see the long quiet walk along the underground railroad
i see the slave awakening to the value of her soul
i see the young missionary and the angry spear
i see his family returning with no trace of fear
i see the long hard shadows of calcutta nights
i see the sister standing by the dying man’s side
i see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
i see the man with a passion come kicking down that door
i see the man of sorrow and his long troubled road
i see the world on his shoulders and my easy load
from 'when the Saints go marching in'

i love this new cd. something about the combination of the folky style of music and the depth of the lyrics. not sure what my favorite song on this cd is yet. i'll need to let it repeat on my cd player for weeks at a time before i can decide. i'm going to see her (and bebo and andrew peterson) in concert on december fifteenth and i am looking forward to that. she's a good mid-western girl!

i got up this morning and went to the gym before 8. let mer remind you that it's saturday. that is just how exciting my life is. i'm kinding about that. actually my life is pretty great. overall i feel more content with life than i have for quite some. i love my job; the people are work with are great. there is plenty of work to accomplish and i feel like i make a difference there. this may be one of the first jobs where i have felt that way. (no offense, val!)

had a fortune in my cookie the other day that said i was supposed to 'plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.' what type of spontaneity is that? planning to be spontaneous tomorrow? well, i did not do anything out of the ordinary the next day, but today i put in my contacts and i have some make-up on. does that count? for me, that is pretty spontaneous. going to the gym was spontaneous. buying 3 cd's instead of just one was spontaneous. bebo - christmas and point of grace - winter wonderland were both spontaneous. but the point of grace one had some coupons inside so the cd will be free when i buy some other cd's. i also had a 20 percent off coupon, so really the cd was already free, but the coupon will sweeten the deal. (i have been searching my favorite site too much.) p.s. i am still searching for a deal on bowling shoes, shottie.

i love sara groves

she's got depth...

The Long Defeat
by Sara Groves

i have joined the long defeat
that falling set in motion
and all my strength and energy
are raindrops in the ocean

so conditioned for the win
to share in victor's stories
but in the place of ambition's din
i have heard of other glories

and i pray for an idea
and a way i cannot see
it's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

i can't just fight when i think i'll win
that's the end of all belief
and nothing has provoked it more
than a possible defeat

chorus

we walk a while we sit and rest
we lay it on the altar
i won't pretend to know what's next
but what i have i've offered

and i pray for a vision
and a way i cannot see
it's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

and i pray for inspiration
and a way i cannot see
it's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave
it's too heavy to carry
and i will never leave

The Struggle

the last few days i've been thinking about life and what is going on in my world. people periodically ask me how i am and i keep saying, 'i'm really good.' so i am finally getting to a point where i am questioning if that reply is true. overall i feel it is a true statement. i am really good. life is good for me. the Lord has truly blessed me beyond measure and i can count many of those blessings off the tip of my tongue. yet something within me continues gnawing... and i am trying to find what that is.

i ask myself, 'is Christ alive in me?', 'am i spending spending sufficient amounts of time in His presence?', 'am i being affectionate to Him and others?', 'am i feeling fulfilled in what i put my hands to accomplish?', etc. Christ is alive in me, that i do not even need to question. there have been so many times throughout today which i've seen Him work; even thru the routine of everyday life He breathes life into me.

i am not spending enough time in His presence. since i've been back from africa i have not. life here is FAST! there is not an hour in my morning routine where time is blocked off for Christ to dine with me - time for just He and me. so i am trying to make a point of returning to the One whom i call my Savior and Lord.

there is this friend of mine who can speak the Truth of God into my life like no one i've ever met. today this person told me to read Matthew 6. so i've read it. and the part which jumped out at me is this: verses 4, 6 and 18 all say the same thing: 'Your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.' so i am seeking the Father for what i shall do in the privacy of my own quietness and solitude. reminds me that often God needs to teach me the same lesson 3 times before i begin to understand what He is trying to teach me.

my current struggle is this: i was living in a Christian community where people would wake up to pray at 5 am each day, then share breakfast, then go to class together, then eat together, then more class, then more studying of God's word, then more food. we did everything together. but through all that together-ness, i did not participate in sharing my own feelings. mostly because my fellow classmates and community members did not speak my language. i learned to deal with my feelings with Christ alone. and that seems so strange since i did everything with these people all day long. now that i am living in the States again where everyone speaks english, i do not feel like sharing. one would think that i would want to be heard, right? well, not really. i don't feel like what i have to say has much meaning. not that i am insignificant, but that what i can add to the conversation is worthless. so i've found myself listening more (which is a good thing, i think). for others it may feel odd to have the silence... guess i've had 6 months training in the silence department.

on the drive home tonight i was thinking about something. i am not afraid of commitment as much as i am afraid of closure. i think there is a deep pain in closure that i refuse my heart to feel. and it is this refusal to accept closure which causes me to never say that a relationship is over. why am i like this?

i'm a collision of two lives: the person i was before Tanzania and who i have become. it's now 12.21 in the morning and i perhaps am delirious, but there are so many thoughts running through my head right now that i knew if i didn't get some of them down in this blog, i would go for weeks without writing anything.

God put a certain someone in my life for a reason. currently, i am struggling to know that reason - other than this person can speak Truth into my life so well. gratefully i am assured that this person seeks the Lord whole-heartedly and shares what is learned. this person continues to intrigue me.

it's now 12.30 and i really need to turn the light out.

most gracious Father,
with my feeble words i want to say, 'thanks' for giving me your assurance. in You, i am made whole. in You, i know there is rest and answers and wisdom. so i surrender my heavy heart to you. hold me, Jesus, because i am shaking like a leaf. i know with all my heart that Your wounds have paid my ranson. as i seek You, reveal Yourself to me, please. nakupenda, Baba. Amina.

Finding a Hobby

a friend of mine has told me several times that i need to find a hobby. so i've been seeking one. so far i've not settled on one, but i've found many things i like to do.

i like geocaching. i really like everything about it. it gets me out of the house. makes me exercise while walking to the cache. if i happen to found the cache, i feel accomplished. and if not, then i feel i shall return to find it later. it's a good feeling. the trouble with this hobby is that there are some caches which i would like someone to travel with me to find. so them it becomes a team hobby and not a personal one.

i like reading. i currently am reading about 3 books. applied imagination continue to make me think of ways to be creative in problem-solving. another one is called signs of emergence by kester brewin. it's a great book, even though i am only about 30 pages into it. here are a couple of quotes for the book:
'...the transformation of the church will be about empowering people to face the fundamental questions of their local existence, engaging with all its complexity and emerging as a renewed organism that is faithful to the truth but disinterested in power.'
'The is no point climbing to the peaks if you deny anyone else the opportunity to follow you up, and it is by only doing this that we have any hope of truly becoming wise, without having to relearn everything for ourselves.'

the next hobby i think i could have is being addicted to the gym. i go to the gym every now and then, but i would like to become more of a regular.

i would like to take a drawing class. i think that could be somethinig i would like, but i'm afraid of this: i will buy everything required to learn to draw, then toss all that stuff in some drawer and never want to draw again. unfortunately i have this tendency. i have boxes of rubber stamps and scrapbooking supplies, but i'm not every eager to take those hobbies back up.

so i'm looking for a hobby which will cost me as little money as possible, will be something that holds my attention and can be done alone. got any suggestions?

Songs

so i was driving back from stone mountain, and some songs on the radio connected me with the Savior of the world. well, actually He and i were already connected, but those songs helped me to focus on Him.

so i'm making a list of some of the lyrics which draw my heart nearer to the the Savior. comment if you know the songs.

1.) fling wide you heavenly gates
2.) let our worship burn for the world to see
3.) what in that moment when you were running so hard and fast made you stop and turn for home
4.) then i shall bow in humble adoration
5.) it’s the song of the redeemed rising from the African plain
6.) Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
7.) if I sail beyond the farthest ocean or lose myself in depths below, wherever I may go your love surrounds me
8.) one little word shall fell him
9.) i tip my hat

Wild oats left on your door step?

Michael working at the call center?

Schrute Farms

Dial the call. Say the Lines. Make the sale.

the outhouse scene.

dude, you should review movies.

just thought i heard crying or moaning or something.

That wasn't much of an introduction. ...today we are going to be talking about powerpoint.

Are you a cocktail waitress?

Why is Darrell here?

the kiss in the conference room.

whomever is the formal version of the word.

this grammar lesson is hilarious!

why don't you take your letter opener and jab it into your skull?

are you quitting? come back any time. don't forget to disinfect your hands.

'what's up?' 'me, all night.'

now that i think about it, i think angela and andy would make a good couple.

'you have to make a choice - either your daughter or me.' ' my daughter.'

why would i have monkey problems?

crumbling the money and putting it back in his pocket. that's classic.

it's gotten to the point where i get excited everytime i see that little dude walk through the door.

slow down, think it over.

william charles snyder.

bankrucy is nature's do-over.

I DECLARE BANKRUPCY!

you can't just say the word,'bankrupcy' and expect anything to happen.

this andy and angela this is very funny.

i got game.

man, angela really had a hold on him.

i missed the line about the scary black bar...

you will never want to leave your room.

i don't understand how you could be so irresponsible.

michael escaping for the train.

don't sell your implants please.

Agree or Disagree

an excerpt from applied imagination:

Pre-college schooling tends to be anticreative, as a rule, even in the teaching of art, according to Stanley Czurles, Director of Art Education at New York State College for Teachers. He has said: "A child is highly creative until he starts school. Then, under traditional procedures, almost all our teaching tends to cramp his imagination. For instance, when in the traditional manner all pupils are given pieces of paper, all of the same color; are told just how to fold and mark them, all in the same way; are shown just how and where to cut, all in the same pattern; the result is that every child comes out with exactly the same design. There is no stimulation of the imagination, no incentive for creativeness. How much better it would be to have the pupil select the color, cut and fold so as to explore various possibilities, according to his individual initiative. In this way we would fan the creative spark, whereas, through standardization, we tend to stifle it."

New Found Likes

3 new things on the 'net which i like:

Pandora - internet radio designed for your specifics interests
Andy McKee - a guitarists with some mad skills
OpenOffice - freeware software rivaling Microsoft Office.

Back to the Challenges

so as i was daydreaming around 3 this morning, overlooking texas from about 27,000 feet, it came to me that i've missed giving out the challenges. so i'm gonna try to update this blog with those weekly challenges.

but before i give out that challenge, a little update on what's been going on with my life. on friday i flew out to vegas, a.k.a. sin city, for a weekend full (well, for some it was full) of scrapbooking. not only was it scrapbooking-paloosa, but it was a beautiful weekend full of great conversations, wonderful food, and good ffun. my africa pictures are slowly beginning to take shape in my photo album, but the creative juices were flowing like molasses. it began as i started to sort and catergorize the photos: all the memories flooded my heart. i would just sit at my scrapbooking station and be dazed. being dazed doesn't promote creativity. i'm sure the other ladies were thinking some 'lovely' thoughts regarding my scrapbooking abilities. so needless to say, i have about 8 pages completely in my album, but at least it is started.

left vegas last night about 10 eastern time and got into town this morning around 5.30. had a little stop in salt lake. oh the joys of making lay overs! (denise really enjoyed coming to get me at the 'butt'-crack of dawn this morning.) i love flying. really, i love it. when i was 21 i worked for skywest airlines in santa barbara, cali. for a little over a year. it was an amazing year. the flying benefits which come from working for an airline ROCK! i remember flying from santa barbara to last vegas in order to have dinner with kimberly. then i'd catch the late flight back to santa barbara in order to be around for my opening shift at 4.45 am. (i don't think i could work those hours anymore - i'm too old for that!)

enough about the past - what can we do to make the future worthwhile? that's your challenge: to imagine what will make your life worthwhile and do it. it may be something simple like folding your family's laundry or planning a birthday party for a friend, but i want to challenge all of us to find something. for me, right now it means posting these ramblings in order to clean the bathroom.

Current Read

Applied Imagination by Alex F. Osborn.

at the end of each chapter there are some stimulating questions. here's one:
Which of the problems now personally pressing you is most in need of a creative solution?

tonight i'm going to las vegas for a scrapbooking retreat. (that's my alibi, anyway!) but on the way to the airport, i would like to pick up a copy of Signs of Emergence by Kester Brewin.

what are you reading?

As Moses waited - 40 years in the desert
We wait for emptiness and humility

As the Prophets waited - 1000 years of salvation promises
We wait for signs of presence

As Mary waited - 9 months of her 14 years for the child of God
We feel the birth-pains, yet fear for the Child

As John the Baptist waited - scanning the crowds for knowing eyes
We long for an experience of the Divine

As Christ waited - 30 years of creeping time
40 days in the throes of temptation
3 years in the midst of misunderstanding
3 days ni the depts of hell...

So now, we wait.
Our turn to toil on levelling mountains and straightening paths
Our turn to watch time's horizon
Our turn to hope that he who promised is faithful, and will return.

-from Signs of Emergence: A Vision for Church That Is Always by Kester Brewin

how do i explain...?

*my emotions?
*why i pray?
*why i'm convinced that Jesus needs me?
*why i enjoy wifi so much?
*what 'get over the sun' means?
*why i'm not putting more effort into finding a roommate?
*why my heart longs for the lonely times when i was in Tanzania?
*my passion for MS Excel?
*why i don't get drama?
*why it's ok for people to say they need me, but how much of a struggle it is for me to tell them the feeling is reciprocated?
*how cool it is that i have friends?
*why i'm so critical of stuff - i.e church services, fashions, the way people spend their money?
*why i'm so incredibly independent and struggle to depend on others?
*that i love listening to missionaries tell of their beautiful adventures?
*that i'm a detail person and sometimes 'big picture people' drive me nuts?
*that within me lies a person who is daring, yet timid?
*why it takes me so long to open my heart to anyone?
*why i like to read books about business and the reason why things happen - the tipping point is an example?

tonight i had a great time eating dinner with a couple of my friends. chili's is a constantly good choice for food - good choice, lacey! tho i don't have many close friends here in georgia, the ones i have are truly amazing. thru out my life's journeys, i've acquired some great friends. very few of them live in the state where i met them. kimberly is in las vegas. laura is now in alaska. misty is in nebraska. denise is in georgia. valerie, deena, jamie are still in south dakota. shottie and lacey are both in georgia, but i met both of them within the last 4 years. maybe that should be a warning for those two. guess i'll need to wait and see where they'll end up. seems to be a trend that my friends don't stay in the same place. i follow that pattern. so why is that? why do i gravitate towards people who are movers and go-ers? and yet, even tho we've all moved, we are still close friends. i love that! and when i was in africa the difference in time zones came in very handy!

stuff

for someone who owned hardly anything when moving into this new apartment, i've sure acquired a great deal of stuff. now i'm looking for places to put all my stuff.

Denied

so i don't have writer's block: i'm have denial. (i seriously need a shirt that is navy blue and says that quote in white letters.) ['dude, when you say 'seriously', it doesn't affect my decision.'] so what have i denied, you ask? when asked what the best part of being in africa was - i say the people and their geniune, heart-felt generosity. but i'm beginning to think that is not what the greatest part is. the greatest part is how my fellow students responded to any issue - they see it as a spiritual decisions and not just a problem requiring a physical response. for instance, when some guy cut his finger while slaughtering our dinner, we all gathered around him and prayed for healing before we began to look for a cloth. the finger was healed before we needed any cloth. who needs cloths when you have Jesus? not me.

man, i'm grateful for friends who allow me to ramble on about some differences between america and where i was staying in tanzania. like when we walked into the locker room after a hot day of painting - there were dirty, nasty socks sitting on the floor. where i was, clothes are too highly valued to be tossed onto the floor and left for someone else. for one, the socks would've been hand washed and made clean with whatever cleaning solution they have, no matter how nasty they had gotten. and secondly, socks are an honor. i remember giving away socks to each of the ladies in the bedroom (my thanks go out to some thoughtful friends from the States who mailed me 9 pairs of socks! you rock!). you would've thought i had given them a hundred dollar bill. one lady told me that she had been praying for money, because her husband only had one pair of socks to wear, and he was the pastor at a church (a church where i preached about a gift opening the way to be ushered into the presence of the great.) when i met that pastor/husband, he was wearing those black socks with pink writing on them. (i smiled a big smile on the outside, but inside i was wishing i could've given him so much more than a pair of socks!)

so i'm feeling like two worlds are colliding in my heart, of which i don't have any control, except to sit back and experience the great collision. spiritually i'm feeling dull, dry, hard-hearted, ineffective yet not wanting to do more. i've been in this place before, and i know this too shall pass. everything in my life it going great right now, yet i'm feeling down or maybe it's un-joyful.

speaking of 'un-joyful', i heard a quote the other day which has engaged my mind. this is the quote by charles stanley - 'what you believe determines the level of peace in your life.' i've slacked on time spent in conscious conversation with God lately. the bush where i used to go every day can't be replaced by my balcony overlooking another apartment building. and seeing the sun rise here just doesn't move my heart the way it did while i was there. so i'm trying to adjust to life back as an american.

so going back to the statement: i have denial. i won't deny that i can't speaking swahili, but centainly i want to... when i see things in writing, my mind tries to remember the swhaili that i know so i can translate what i remember. some lady contacted me about taking swahili lessons, but it's quite expensive... (so do i use cash to learn swahili or send money to my friends for their schooling? this is my question.) when a friend from tanzania sends me a text messages that says, 'please pray for my school fees - you are my only hope.' that tears at my heart. i want to work my regular job and get 2 part time jobs to help him and many others. my friends here in the States, our money is so incredibly valuable. just this morning i was standing in a circle of 4 girls and we added up the cost of our shoes. it came to over $300 (three-hundred dollars!). that's about enough to cover 8 months of living at the ywam base at kilimanjaro for one person. i'm been back in the States for only 2 months, and it seems like a long time. 8 months! i'm sure my friends were loving me for pointing out how much we pay for our shoes, and the comparison of living expenses in tanzania. i'm probably more guilty than anyone about spending a good bit of money on a nice pair of shoes. but do we need to? will we have have terrible feet and not be able to walk if we didn't pay $93 for a pair of sweet looking chacos?

oh the joys of culure shock!

well, guess i'm about done rambling for tonight. just wanted to leave us with this verse: 'Akawaambia wote, mtu ye yote akitaka kunifuata, na ajikane mwenyewe, ajitwide msalaba wake kila siku, anifuate.' Luka 9.23 ['Then He said to them all: 'if anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.']

btw, please be praying for Jessica from Washington state as she's preparing to go and participate in a DTS at the kilimanjaro base. she's in for the ride of her life!

current favorite song: 2 weeks in africa - caedmon's call.

download it - do it now!

What's Blog Worthy?

perhaps i'm experiencing writer's block. the words don't come any more. perhaps it's the beautiful let-down after an incredible mountaintop experience. perhaps it's not wanting to allow myself to feel empty and void here in the States. perhaps it's just me being me. perhaps it's my time of sorting out myself and the next steps God has for me. perhaps it's the time when what i've learned from dts need to be implemented into my life. perhaps it's God drawing me thru the desert - again only by His grace. perhaps it's the lack of prayer support - now that i'm back in the States why would i need prayer? perhaps it's the routine or normal-ness of life. perhaps this is the time when i'm need to rely on my friends more than ever before. perhaps i'm feeling a bit depressed tonight. perhaps i'm going thru some weird christian psycho babble theoretical discussion with myself. maybe it's just the battle of sin and grace. as sara groves sings, 'i can't put my finger on the mood; it's not melancholy, anger or the blues...'

it's been an interesting week for me. monday, labor day, i moved into my first, leased apartment. guess i'm all grown up now. i have some great friends who have helped moved my belongings into my place. (i can't tell you how much i'm not enjoying writing 'my'. it's not the african way, and even tho i struggled with that while i was there - i miss that so much. i want things to be 'ours', not 'mine'.) sounds like i'm going through a divorce. pathetic, huh?

so those were my thoughts last night. tonight i'm feeling much better. guess i must've been pretty tired last night. tonight i've driven to the pool in order to connect to the free wifi. love it!

put away some things- mostly i'm overloaded with kitchen items and lacking in livingroom furniture. it's quite a collection right now. i have an old chair with a hassack, a leather office chair, a step stool, and a tv which is sitting on the floor. that's my livingroom furniture. one day i'll get some cool stuff, but for right now those items are working out great.

sitting outside updating this blog tonight reminds me of all those times when i would sit under my mosquito net and type updates. oh the joys of bugs, especially biting ones!

so i've discovered 2 things: one i can bring my computer down here to the pool and use the wife. two, i can go to the gym and watch tv. why do people pay for all those extras? just kidding. i would love to have cable and high speed internet in my house, but for right now i'm just going with what's is being given me for free -- like everything in my apartment. God is gracious, even unto me.

well, that's an update for now. please say a prayer for my friend, japheth's family. one of his cousins died and it was very unexpected. the family is really taking it hard.

so life is good. i'm in the process of looking for an apartment, and God is being so incredibly gracious unto me.

Transitional Period

well, i'm back in the States - actually i've been back since Thursday night, but life has been crazy (or it feel crazy.) (i can tell this is gonna be one of those posts where my thoughts are jumping all over, so please try to keep up!)

life in america is exhausting. from the time the plane touched down, life has been hustling and bustling to and fro. i've known this about america, but until the return of this beautiful adventure - i never truly understood it. from the moment the alarm goes off until the moment the switch is flipped off for the night - we are running. it's so completely exhausting to me that i've been going to bed about 9.30 each night. guess my body had adjusted to the laid back life of africa - get up when the sun rises, take an afternoon snoose, then get to bed a bit after dinner. (since kilimanjaro is close to the equator, the sun rises and sets about 6.30 - 12 hour days.) my body misses that life.

life in america discourages exercise. even tho we run to and fro, we are not getting any exercise. we jump into our cars to drive a half mile b/c we don't have enough time to walk there. our schedules are so tight that we can't go anywhere by foot, which i've found is an incredible method. while in tanzania, when i would ask someone if they wanted to go to boma, they would say 'yes', knowing it was about 2.5 miles one way into town - and it was by foot (going by car wasn't an option.) here, i don't know anyone willing (or has the time) to walk 5 miles just to get a coke. another african thing i miss, about 5.17 pm each day a group of people would gather at the volleyball court for our daily rivalry. when i came back to the States my arm had a pretty good bruise, displaying how serious we play that game - man, i miss that! also, i think i learned more swahili while playing volleyball than i did memorizing my 472 words a day.

there's an african proverbs that says, 'white men have watches but have no time; we, africans, have no watches, but have all the time in the world.' there is so much truth in that!

so what am i doing with my life? because i left the program early, i'm required to complete 2 weeks of community service, so i've been hanging out with the guys from Goshen Valley Boys Ranch. denise and steven are the house parents for the messiah house, and they are absolutely amazing with the boys. me, on the other hand, am not cut out to live with 6 boys! perhaps it's cuz i'm just returning to this civilization, but let me tell you, it's not for me. let me go back to work in my green office, enjoying my office issues, please! don't get me wrong, the boys are wonder, and they act like an american family. (and i know denise is gonna love me for that one, but i don't know how else to explain it.) i'm calling it culture shock, but the issues the boys struggle with are so _________ (i don't know a word to fill in that blank.) maybe a word like selfish or materialistic or unrespectful or me-focused or un-irresistible-revolution-friendly. my words are failing me, and all those that i listed are not exactly what i'm trying to say. the issues the boys deal with are typical american teenage boy issues. the issues which i've gotten used to are: don't having enough money to buy anything, so the kids don't even ask for anything. when i gave a 16 year old boy a piece of candy, he thanked me like it was the best gift he had ever received. that's the type of culture i'm now used to... not this culture where kids talk back to their parents, and say they don't like certain foods so other foods are cooked for them. or talk of a $350 ipod - that's 400,000 tanzania shillings which is nearly 3 times how much my fellow tanzanian classmates paid for their 6 months of schooling. the US dollar has great value. how can we change our youth's thinking? how can i make a difference in changing the thinking of a few people to understand that we don't need all that 'stuff' which will make us cool, but will continue to leave us empty and broken? Christ is continuing to open my spiritual eyes to see beyond the 'stuff' into His eternal treasures. God, keep me from desiring the things of this world. You are my inheritance forever.

guess i kinda got off topic with that question: what am i doing with my life? after this two weeks, i'm heading up to south dakota for a visit. will be up there for a week before i return to georgia for work and 'normal life' - whatever that means! i'll try to find an apartment closer to work; i'd really like to find a roommate, also. i'm thinking about taking some night classes at the tech school - for accounting, so i'll need to meet with one of the advisors about that. those are my ambitions as of right now.

americans spend a lot of money. since i've been back i've spent about as much as i did for one month in tanzania. so far i've spent $17 at walmart getting some needed personal care products (shampoo, conditioner, and crayons), $30 eating out - 1 meal, 2 people including tip, $30 for 10 gallons of gas, and $7 for some ice cream treats at sonic. so that's about $84 - crazy! and i'm not living life large! welcome back to the budget! how in the heck is it that we can have so much stinkin' money, yet we end up not having any money at the end of the month? stores offer so much that we don't need, yet we think we NEED it. so we buy it, wasting the money which could be used to help someone who really NEEDS it. i know some people who really NEED it. Again, God, please keep me from desiring the things of this world, and help me to use this income for a higher purpose.

as i sit here, my mind really is running in 472 different directions. one thought - i want more time to sit and just be with my friends. that's it. just be with them. i'm not one of those people who just blurts out the deep things of my soul. i'll blurt out many things, but not the deep stuff. i need time with someone in order to dig out that deep stuff. why am i like that and when can i get that time? (that's a loaded question!) another thing i've discovered is that we, here in america, don't like to sit in silence with one another. we seem to constantly be stretching to fill the silence with meaningless talk. guess i've gotten used to being more quiet in the midst of others - that comes from not speaking swahili in a predominantly swahili speaking country. i've also discovered that when i'm with more than 1 person, i'm less likely to talk. i'll allow others to carry the conversation, instead of tell of my beautiful adventure or whatever is floating thru my brain. (do i unconsciously think others don't care, am i afraid of talking too much, or some other hidden reason, or am i simply incompetent in the communication area?)

last friday - the day after i got back - denise, steven, i and the boys all took a little trip to whitewater. i noticed that i kept admiring the black kids, paying special attention to their faces and the way the acted. another example that i left part of my heart in tanzania... then later that day when denise and i were shopping at walmart, a couple of young women walked past us and they were speaking swahili. i couldn't help buy smile and greet them in swahili. it was heart-warming for me...

the song 'amazing grace' is playing on my computer right now... and the lyrics, 'i was blind, but now i see...' caught my attention. this is the first time since i've been home that i've missed tanzania. until now the newness of being back has blinded me from what my heart has been saying. so this blog continues to be therapy for me, just like how it was therapy for me while my stay in tanzania. this is not my home, but neither is tanzania.

Cuttin' It Short

In the wee hours of tuesday morning, i received a call from denise. mental note: it's always sad news when someone starts off the call by saying, 'i'm sorry to call you late, but there's something i have to tell you.' she proceded to let me know that my dad's mom, grandma gartamaker, had passed away. before i came to tanzania, my parents and i discussed what would happen if one of my grandmas passed away while i was here. at the time i told them that i would not return, but...

i spent the night praying and thinking about what i should do since i only have 3 weeks left; if i should try to return to the States early or remain in Tanzania thru the remainder of my school. i came to peace in returning to the States if: my dts leader granted me early release and the cost of changing my ticket would be under $400. those were my 2 requirements for traveling back to the States early.

so yesterday morning my belongings which i had taken on outreach were put back in my bag. after some prayers, tears and good-byes (so hard saying good-bye to my friends whom i've lived with for about 5 months...) i was off to our base, in order to speak with my dts leader. (gemma, my dts leader, is at the base because she gave birth to her son about 2 weeks ago.) she questioned everything about my need/want to return to the States, and then she granted permission, with one requirement: i need to complete 2 weeks dedicated to any type of ministry.

once permission had be granted, it was time to pack my suitcase. when i came to africa, i brought 2 large bags - one was a camping backpack and the other was a suitcase; both bags were complete full. let's just say that the Lord has worked in my life - teaching me so many lessons of giving and generosity, the importance of saying 'some' is enough, and i don't need to have more because i have more than enough. so i'm returning with a small backpack to hold my computer, and the same suitcase, but it's about 3/4 full. one of the guys from my dts wants to become a mountain guide, so he is getting Brock, my beloved camping backpack. (i know the cose of Brock, and it's more than this guy will make in 3 months of work - $70.) and i'm really grateful to be giving it away. that's how i know the lessons have sunk into my heart and soul. it's just stuff anyway - i've never see and hearse pulling a u-haul.

so, continuing with the story... my bags were packed and we headed out to the airport. after telling the ticket agent the reason for my early return, he said they would have a seat for me, but i should just wait a bit. so i trusted him with at his word, and sent my ride away. after about 30 minutes he returned to me and mentioned that others had checked in and i did not have a seat. (just to add to my beautiful adventure!) but he confirmed that i had a seat for the follow day (today!) and it involved the direct flight, instead of an extra stop. since i gave away the cell phone which i had been using when i was here, and wasn't bright enough to obey the Spirit when he prompted me to write down some of the numbers... (i had them stored in Skype on my computer, but i didn't have any access to wireless internet.) so i flagged down a taxi, paid too much, and got a lift back to the base - knowing the God's hand was in it, since he provided permission to return and the cost to change my ticket was $250.

maggie, charnelle, zippora and i had a great night at the base. we drank hot chocolate and enjoyed some other treats. we talked and just hung out. my last night in tanzania.

so on my last day in tanzania i'm sitting here updating my blog. i leave tonight about 8.55. it's now 9.44 am.

i have 2 prayer requests:
1.) i arrive in atlanta on thursday. that's the same day as my grandma's funeral in south dakota, so i'll miss it. but i'm planning on traveling to SD maybe on tuesday or wednesday, just to spend some time there - with my family. so pray that i'll have a way of getting to SD, and that i'll have a chance to see my brother. there are some things i need to talk to him about.

2.) my cousin, angela, is having heart surgery also on thursday in omaha, NE. her valves are gonna be replaced. so you can pray for her and her family as they go thru this operation. (angela is a cousin on my mom's side, and it's my dad's mom that passed away - so both sides of my family have big events on thursday.)

how do i feel? right now i'm really looking forward to returning to the States. this beautiful adventure has been really hard, yet so incredibly rewarding! my life has been impacted by the people of tanzania and others from around the world. the Lord had graced me in more ways than i could've ever imagined. and i'm content not being at my grandma's funeral - before i came here, we had our good-byes. i'm sorry that i'm not around to give my parents, especially my dad, a hug. but soon i'm be there to do that also. my heart breaks knowing that when i said good-bye to my fellow classmates, that was a 'good-bye forever', not 'see you later.' i know there are couple whom i will meet again, and, my friend, japheth, made saying 'good-bye' super hard! he and i have been close friends through this whole 5 months. but he's one of those friends that i trust we will meet again - either in switzerland, kenya, tanzania, usa or somewhere else here on the earth. (and, yes, i cried when i said good-bye to them.)

how do i feel about returning early? good. i feel good about it. i'm ready to return to a hot shower, french silk pie, hamburgers, mashed potatoes, potato salad, friends and family and my job. and i don't feel that i will regret leaving 3 weeks early. i wanted to visit Flora, Miriam and Furaha, (all Compassion kids) but another time shall come.

hang tight, my friends, i shall see you soon!

ps. i forgot something when i updated this post. yesterday we had a pretty strong earthquake while i was packing my bag. it was really exciting. i was sitting on the floor and thought - 'hmm.... i wonder why the floor is moving?'... then i realized what it was.

Special Gift From Above

this morning i was outside hanging my clothes on the line; let's not forget that i'm still washing my laundry in a bucket. it was a beautiful morning - the sun was shining, but not blazing, and there was a light breeze. it was a great day to hang the clothes on the line. then i heard a noise, like the noise of something falling from the sky then landing on the leaves laying in the grass. so me, being curious and having to know what that noise was, looked on the ground in the direction of the noise. there, laying in a pile of leaves, i see a green snake. i must've frightened the little snake (it was probably about two feet long) because when it saw me coming closer, it decided to head back to the trunk for protection.

i'm trying to find some info about the green mambas, but what i'm finding will not calm your fears. green mambas are very venomous - that's about all i can find. and i've discovered after i posted that photo, that the green in the photo looks nice on my blog - it matches!

so i'm traveling to usa river today for our final outreach. i'll be there for 2 weeks. the area is near the arusha national park entrance, so there may be a chance of seeing a stray critter or two.

looking forward to being finished with the outreach. until next time.

ps. randon fact: for my friends that are into agriculture: the most commonly used seed corn here is Dekalb DK8031.

Another Beautiful Day in Tanzania

ah, i'm enjoying my freedom at the base! each day i try to do something that will be a 'first' for me. today's first was that i slept in until 7.22 am. that's so stinking late. most of the student went home, so the girls dorm only had 4 people in it. i heard someone leave about 6.30 but i fell back to sleep. it was a beautiful thing! then about 7.22 the breakfast bell rung. how pleasant and splendid it was!

another first was eating at the local pizzeria from lunch. the pizza was actually pretty good - made with chicken and cheese. i'm sure that if i compared it to an american pizza it would fall miserably short, but since i've not had pizza in a very long time - it was pretty good.

tonight i've been catching up on some news from friends. some friends are traveling - laura and paul, some friend has a birthday today - kimberly, one friend is taking summer classes - janice, one friend is recently returned from family reunion - cheryl, one friend is living on faith that he is healed - dave, etc. oh it's good to hear news of my motherland.

my dts leader, gemma, delivered her baby boy on friday. he's a precious little child called joel. it will be great to see how he changes in the next 5 weeks. (that's how long i have left in tanzania.)

i've highly enjoyed my 2 days of freedom. taking little trips away from base and adventuring to moshi and boma has been great fun. i'm always up for a new adventure.

in the background i hear japheth giving a computer lesson to 2 of the other students. he is showing them how to use email. it's quite the treat listening to them, even tho i only understand a bit of what they are saying cuz it's mostly in swahili. teaching a lesson on how to use email is challenging, b/c the email programs use english and these people speak mostly swahili (with the exception of a few words.) that's a challenge i'm highly respecting japheth for taking!

i'm sitting outside on this beautiful africa night. it's abit cloudy this evening so the stars are not out, but the temp is just amazing. it's about 70 i would guess. there are still a ton of mosquitos, but i've used some strong bug spray, so they are not attack me quite as viciously as normal. and i've not seen an scorpions crawling along the ground.

tomorrow is wednesday, july 11th. that's crazy for me to think. i will return to america at the end of summer break. i'll have missed all of spring and most of summer. i've missed the changing of the trees, with they emission of yellow pollen. i'll have missed the summer trip with the youth group. i'll have missed many of the stories at work. i'll have missed so much more that i don't even know cuz i've not been there. but let me tell you, i'm certainly looking forward to hearing all about it when i return. it will be great! so be ready for me to ask many questions about what i've missed.

many of you keep asking me what i will do after i return to the States. right now i'm really looking forward to getting back to the normal life. i would like to take some night classes, maybe at tech school in woodstock or jasper. and i would really like to get an apartment closer to work, if thing work out. we'll see when i return what the status is. so that's i'm hoping for when i return.... but i'm also curious to know what i'm going to miss from africa. i'm wondering how my thoughts will change as time progresses. i'm wondering if i'm going to miss the people in the dorm who are constantly singing - or if i'm going to miss sleeping on the floor next to 10 other women - or if i'm going to miss my crummy, foam mattress - or if i'm going to miss cold showers (not gonna miss bathing in the river!) - or miss the food - or if i'm going to miss the swahili lesson (if you want to call them that!) - or if i'm going to miss not ever having to drive anywhere - or if i'm going to miss the cost of things here. oh so many questions. guess i'll have to wait and see.

Photos and More

i love hibiscus flowers. anywhere there is hibiscus flowers is a good place - that's what i've always said (never not said that!). so this photo of me and this beautiful plant in marangu is one of my favs. and you can see from the photo how beautifully green and lush marangu is.

these are the kids i walked to school - you'll have to read the previous post about marangu to get the whole story, but aren't they so cute? how could i resist walking with them (even if i didn't know where they were taking me)? just call me 'teacher tanya'.

this is the type of path which we walked every day in marangu. this type of path is used for walking and for vehicles. what you can't tell from the photo is how steep the hill is. the photo makes it look mostly flat, but in reality it was quite steep. another thing, if it hadn't been cloudy this day, mt. kilimanjaro lies directly ahead.

what a fun day!this photo was taken from the top of the landcruiser - our beloved safari vehicle. you can click the picture to see more photo of my beautiful adventure.

ok, so what's going on with me and how am i doing? these seem to be the questions resting on people's minds. so i'll start with the latter question. overall i'm doing really well. this has been a beautiful adventure so far, and there are only 5 more weeks to go. i keep meeting people along the way which cause me to love tanzania. in mkata, there is Eunice - the pastor's wife who has the faith of a giant redwood. in marangu there was this older woman whom we all called 'bibi' - grandma. each night during our meetings we have a time of praise and worship - and each night she would get her praise on. she'd start dancing like crazy, jumping and praising the Lord. one couldn't help but be moved by her passion to celebrate Jesus Christ and the way He has set her free. and in Himo, there's a little lady named mary. she's a cook at this little restaraunt. i knew from the moment that i met her that she was the one - and i met her on the first day in himo. she has this gentle smile which melts away the hurt and hardship of life. i so wish that i knew more swahili so i could sit and talk with her. instead, i tried visit her each day, even tho we never said many words - she spoke to my heart. she offered me so much encouragement by just being present. there's something powerful about. and she makes some killer chapatis! May the good Lord bless these women with grace and kindness, just how they've shown those qualities to me.

there is also a young girl named Helena who is 13. one day i was sitting on a hill overlooking the river, enjoying some snacks when i saw her swimming in the river. she was with many other kids. they all started calling to me, 'mzungu', and i still can't help by smile and wave... the next thing i knew she and some of the other kids had climbed the hill and were talking to me. i'm not exactly sure what all they said to me, but they kept talking and talking and talking. eventually it was time for me to go, but i told them all where i was staying and that they were welcome anytime. so, of course, the next day a group of the kids came to visit me. and the following day helena came by herself to see me. she was on her way to the mill to have the maize ground. (the maize is ground at the mill in order to cook ughali and macande.) so i offered to go with her to the mill. as we waited for the maize to be finished, another young lady, vivian stopped to talk with me. i had met her as her house during our door to door ministry. she's 17 and wants to be a lawyer. as vivian walked away, she was skipping. it's funny how a white person who cares about a teenage can have such an impact. anyway, so back to helena. after the maize had been ground, we were walking back to the house where i was staying and we came across some other kids. i don't know what those kids said to helena, but she got the biggest smile and walked a little more proudly. guess she was told something about walking with the white person. if i had a way to sponsor that girl - i'd do it. her eyes sparkle like to brightness of a full moon. her gentle spirit radiates to the others. she has a very caring heart - looking out for the other kids and treating them very kindly. and her smile is one of those glorious smiles which causes others to react in the same way. i love that kid!

i was just talking with my friend, susie, and she said that she was missing himo. she met some great friends there. and as i'm typing this message, i have to admit that i also have met some people who have touched my life. and i may miss that place a bit also, even tho it's mostly a love/hate relationship. i'm not fond of places which don't have access to clean water in close proximity of the house where i'm staying. i also don't really enjoy places where there is much dust. these are two things i've learned from himo. but i've also learned that in the darkness night, God's love will light the way.

oh, i forgotten to mention some other people from Himo. david livingstone, one of the great missionary to this area had a porter named samsom. samsom became one of the great evangelistic in the himo area. we had the privilige of meeting with samson's grandson. we got to see a picture of this old man of faith, whose prayers have impacted his grandson's life. that's a testimony.

A Free Day

i'm back at the base for a week - hallelujah! i've had enough moments of bathing in the river and always being dusty and dirty. last night i took a 20 minute cold shower and loved every moment. how i remember those days when i first arrived at this base and used to complain. how foolish i was!

today is a free day so i'm going to try to make an adventure of it. not sure where i'll travel to, probably moshi, but i don't want to stay inside making updates to this blog. maybe later this evening i'll try to update some photos and get a real post up.

Let Freedom Ring

again i've escaped from the clutches of outreach in order to check email, catch up on the lastest news, enjoy some kuku na chips (chicken and french fries!), etc. outreach is going really well, and i'm meeting some very interesting people. most of these people want me to sponspor them in some one, either by offering school fees or airlines tickets to america. it's all very interesting. went to a local family's house yesterday afternoon - loved my visit. the father speaks perfect english and he works as a builder in this area. enjoyed some good food of rice, boiled beef and some fruits. oh, and they gave me a can of redbull too. just for kicks, i think. it was my first taste of redbull, and actually it was pretty good. we shared some great conversations. again, i would not have had that opportunity, but this girl walks up to me on saturday, and asks me to be her friend. i told her to come to the house where we are staying and we can talk more. so she showed up yesterday, and then we traveled to her house which is about 2 miles from where we are staying. this is the type of things that happens to me. i'm always going somewhere and enjoying some great locals.

i'm trying to think of more things to write, but my mind is slow today. just enjoying freedom.

oh freedom, this will be my first 4th of july not on american soil. guess i shouldn't expect any fireworks or celebrations. i'll miss sitting in the cemetary with my church family. please know that my heart will be with you, enjoying the brighness of the moon instead of the bursting of color. know that i'll be saying, 'oooh, ahhhhh', as i look to the moon on the same night, just 7 hours earlier. :)

one day i was walking past a bar in marangu and that song, 'let freedom ring' by martina mcbride was playing on the radio... i couldn't help but smile and remember how much freedom we, americans, have. we truly are blessed in everyway. i will be enjoying my freedom perhaps more, simply because i now know that it is a beautiful thing to live in a free and blessed country.

may your 4th be filled with rememberance of how free you are - free to drive to the store to get groceries with the money you have in your bank account. free to sleep in peace and security - not having to listen to islamic chants. freedom to accept the love of Christ which is poured out thru the grace of His hand. freedom to seek truth and not be questioned. oh so many other freedoms.

It's About Time

first off, to calm your fears and anxiety, i'm doing great! for the last 3 weeks i've not updated due to being in marangu and now in himo. let's start with marangu, then move onto himo.

marangu is incredibly beautiful! i absolutely loved it there. that's been the place where my heart has felt the most at home since i've arrived in tanzania. the place is green and lush - there are streams flowing from mt. kilimanjaro, offering clean water from drinking and washing. i like places that are green and lush! also, many of the people in marangu are educated, so they speaking some english which for me was incredible! i loved chatting with the locals about life and answering their many questions about why america is so richly blessed and weathy. i get asked the strangest questions.

since marangue is at the base of the mountain, it is very hilly. my legs were killing me the first couple of days, but after that i learned to really enjoy the hike. each day we would go and visit the locals, door to door, and they were so great. i could live there for 6 months a years - that's how much i love it. the local shop owner (AKA the bar tender) offered me a piece of land in which i could build a house. but he wants me to come and build a house, stay for 3 or 4 years, then leave the house for him to rent out to hikers. it's nearly tempting since building a house costs about $800 here. who would've ever guessed that i would be given land in the beautiful place flowing with resources! that truly blesses me so much. oh, and that little shop owner and became friends since i enjoy a coke nearly every day! (maybe i'm not supposed to admit that i escaped from the compound everyday, but it was a beautiful thing to take a break every day - by myself!)

on crazy story from marangu (since my time at this internet cafe is running out!) the last day we were there i decided to take a little walk before we left. as i was walking along the road two beautiful kids walked up behind me and grabbed my hands. the kids here love me - and i kinda like that, tho i don't know how to speak to them. so i continue to walk with the two kids to their house. their mom was there with some other kids. the next thing i know she was telling me 'thank you' and the kids were leading me out of the house. at this point i still i didn't know exactly what was happening but i assumed i was taking those kids, now 3, to school. as we climbed the mountain, the shop owner along the way kept calling out to me, 'teacher, where are you from?' i couldn't help but laugh, but i guess that when i was walking with the kids i became a teacher. as we were nearly the national park entrance, i began to wonder if the kids knew where they were going. but they continued thru the entrance, i explained to the guard that i was taking the kids to school then i would return. (it cost $20 for me, a white person, to enter inside the park, but God had made a way for me to enter without paying!) so we walked to school. i have a photo of the kids, along with some photos of the inside the park. God has a funny way of making me go places that i don't think i would ever get to go to.

now about himo. we've been here for 1 week. himo is the opposite of marangu, in that we have no water, except for the river which is about 1/2 mile away from where we are staying. each morning we make our trek to fetch water and to bathe. i'm the entertainment when i'm bathing since i need to keep most of my clothes on due to on-lookers. so friends laugh the entire time we are bathing, but i get mostly clean with the dirty water. the ground is very dusty and the plants don't grow very well here.

a story of himo. one day i was alone, sitting on a rock overlooking the river, when i looked up and saw the trees moving. as i looked closer i discovered that it was a family of black faced monkeys. that's was pretty amazing to see monkeys in the wild. for shottie and jackie, i'm sorry, but i was not able to catch them for you. i will try again later.

i'm not enjoying himo nearly as much as marangu, but we only have one week remaining there. after that we have one week off, so i'll have some time to update this blog in more detail. i'm sad that i don't have any comments from my last post - guess my faithful readers have all abandoned me. just kidding, i know you are all waiting for this post!

Reach Out

so that title is for my friend, Lacey. i can't thank her enough for getting that song in my head over and over again - especially during this phase of my life called 'outreach'.

so guess where i ate lunch yesterday? in a large crater - that's Ngorongoro crater. seriously - it was flippin' amazing! i've escaped from outreach for a few days in order to go on safari with some americans who are volunteering at the base. they aligned all the details then asked me if i would be interested in going to see the large animals and big hole. of course! i would interested in escaping from 'reaching out!' and going to see those things while speaking english! we had a great time! and we did get to see some animals. at first we saw hundreds of zebra and wilderbeast. then i grab the binoculars and guess what i saw? YES - you guessed it - the most amazing animal - a rhino! it was sweet. the critter was a long ways away, but it was for sure a rhino - a black one. that made the trip so worth the money! speaking of money - props to my friend kimberly for bailing me out of a jam. we also saw some crazy birds. oh here's a stort about one of those birds (and maybe i shouldn't write about it because it's not very pg rated, but it's still so funny that i'm cracking up laughing just sitting here thinking about it.

our driver is tanzanian, but speaks english quite well. we asked him what this particular bird was, and with his thick swahili accent he said 'colored bastard'. we all looked at each other with confusion (and a bit of laughter), then we asked again what the name was. again he repeated it. we had to look in the book to figure out that the bird is really called. it's the 'cory bustard', and that's just part of the adventure. (just for the record, i don't mean for any of that story to be racist, because we all knew that was not the name of the bird.)

today 4 of the americans and i took a little trip to arusha to attend the vineyard chruch, which is in english. then got a lift from michelle from the Arusha base to shoprite. during the lift the people in the vehicle were from germany, australia, phillipines, namibia, and all over the USA. (this is one thing i absolutely love about YWAM!) after that we ate lunch at this little shop called mcmoody's. sweet american food. and yes, i did eat a burger, but it just didn't compare to the ones in america. oh yeah, and i had a pineapple shake which wasn't too shabby either! after lunch we headed out toward the maasai market. tourist trap, but it was quite cool. i've discovered that i'm able to speak a bit of swahili. had a great conversation with mamafina, who has stolen my heart. i will return to visit her, if at all possible.

guess i should write about outreach... we are staying near the gate of the kilimanjaro national park - the place where all the hikers enter in order to climb the beautiful mountain. because of the influx of white people in this area, many of the people speak english. i'm loving that! the area has different problems than we experienced in mkata. Thank Jesus that we don't have the blaring islamic chants and drums all night long. we are staying on the floor of someone's house, and that's a bonus also. the area is more cold than where many of the students are used to, so there are many complaints about the weather. i love it! during the nights, the temps drop in 40's, and during the days it's in the 70's. the area is lush with banana trees and so much foliage - truly a blessed area. yet there is so much drunkenness and bad theology in that area. the chrurches war against each other, and there is some witch doctor practices. going door to door and talking with the people opens our understanding to many things, and some of the people are giving their lives to Christ. there are some emotional issues growing in our group also - many of us are getting a bit homesick. we miss the easiness of life at the base and our homes. i have 2 months left and i don't just want to endure thru the end - i want to have joy along the way. i can't say, 'thanks,' enough to those who are praying for me to experience joy. it's a deep need for me...

some joys that i've experienced lately:
the trip to see the crater
time with the english speakers
time with Gemma
lunch with amelia, stephanie and the americans
having a day in moshi by myself on friday
the conversation with mamafina this afternoon
chatting a bit with some friends from america via Skype
how God has been speaking clearly to my heart
my friend who bailed me out of financial woes
these few days at the base

so that's what's new with me. i leave again in about 14 hours. i'll have to update my photos later since now it's dinner time and then i don't want to be anti-social since i have english speakers here. i'm homesick for the food and good conversations with friends and families, but most everything else is good. i've gotten over the hump - i feel comfortable here overall. so thanks again for all your prayers and the email - i love reading about your adventures in the states and elsewhere when i return from outreach.

Playlist

for my fellow technology savy friends, this is my current playlist for my mp3 player. the song that has jumped out most this week is, 'He's always been faithful' by sara groves. here are the lyrics:

Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed,
in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways

CHORUS:
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand

This is my anthem, this is my song,
the theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.

during outreach the 2 songs that i nearly wore out were, 'i will lift my eyes' and 'let me sing'.

my mp3 player has become one of my most treasured possessions. it was used to lull me to sleep over the top of the drumming and boisterous islamic chants. seldom do we sing any songs in english, so it's the source of fill for my longing to hear english being spoken. somedays it's my get-away from the reality of the difficulties of life. somedays it's my prayers. somedays it's my counselor. somedays it's my connections to my friends and family. somedays it's the nourishment for my soul. so i can't thank my parents enough for that great gift!

what songs are on your current playlist or what songs are running thru your heart?

Things I've Learned

today i've learned some things. first, some of the other americans are struggling with the exact same things i was struggling with when i first arrived. people praying in tongues without ever praying on behalf of others, and people using the phrase, 'in Jesus's Name' every other phrase during their prayers. the un-ambitions of people are driving the guys nuts. the girls are struggling to teach the teachers how to teach the students english effectively. and we all are a bit leary of the goat meat. it's been great to discuss some of those struggles...

second, i learned that when i leave to go for our next outreach, that we'll travel from one place to another without returning to the base. so that means i'll be out in the bush for 4 plus weeks. (but i'm going to do what i can to bust out and return to the base for internet.) the place we are going is not too far from where Flora lives. would be sweet to make another visit to see her, but we'll see. i think the name of the next place we are going is called mirangu, but i may be wrong. also i'm praying that we have some power so that i can charge my phone and batteries.

while in mkata i saw a very strange site: bright PINK chicks. i had to ask to owner why the chicks were pink. she mentioned that they color the chicks so the birds will not bother them. these were the only pink chicks we saw, but they were hot pink chicks.

Yunis, my friend
click photo to see more pictures of mkata

Answers to Some Questions

so some of you have asked me some questions which haven't been answered during those last few posts. so i'll see if i can answers some of the questions, since right now i'm out of stories (except for when i preached 'pentecostal-style' on sunday, but that's for another day.)

did any of us get sick during our time in mkata? people periodically had stomach troubles, but they didn't seem to last longer than a day or two. i had a rash for the first week and a half, and i was sick (the type where it's coming out both ends) for one morning. i was sitting in the meeting for our 6 o'clock prayer gathering and began getting really feverish. so i asked for prayer - and while people were praying for me i had to walk outside and vomit. mostly embarrassing, but it was better than barfing in front of the group. i think it was something i had eaten the night before, but who knows. that afternoon i was feeling better. another guy had a fever for 2 days. personally i think the stomach issues were caused by the water, since it was rain water collected in a cistern which had no lid. there were frogs and other critters living in the water. that was the water we were to use for bathing and washing our clothes, tho some people drank it. the water we bought for drinking was supposedly more clean, but people were complaining of not feeling well - having diarrhea and stomach issue. (but this is the deal, people don't really say specifically what's wrong with them. they comment that they are not feeling well and would like for someone to pray for them. so one never really knows what the issues are - they simply might be tired which is one form of being not well.) and maggie, the girl i visited in the hospital last night, contracted thyphoid and malaria while in mkata. she should be released from the hospital tomorrow, by the way. so overall we were really healthy and very few injuries.

did i see any demons? i heard them saying, 'i want to marry that mzungu (white person)'. oh wait, that wasn't probably a demon, that was simply a drunk man stumbling from the bar. that comment just made me laugh hysterically. so back to the question, i didn't see any demons, nor did i participate with any crazy, spiritual deliverance services. some people from my group did, and the demonized people whom my friends were praying for have been set free from the curses placed on them from their families. during our door to door visits, many people asked us to pray for a variety of different things like a husband who was being falsely accused of carrying an illegal weapon, a child who suffers from epilepsy, a man who has a serious bacterial infection on his leg which has caused it to swell twice the normal size. (the sight of the leg turned my stomach when i saw bugs inside of the wound. in america the leg would quite certainly be amputated.)

what has been my favorite part of the traveling to mkata? besides witnessing people giving their lives to Christ, meeting Yunis was a definite hightlight. even now as i think of her beautiful smile, my heart is flowing with gratefulness. meeting karin and having some nights at the guest house was a definite bonus. japheth and i had some pretty deep discussions. the hospital visit to see Prosper in a coma, then see him taken home the next day was pretty phenomenal. meeting some of the korean was cool. and seeing the indian ocean was a definite bonus.

did i eat anything different or abnormal? yes. first, i had a roasted grasshoppers. it was pretty good, much better than the goat meat which we had every now and then. the 'hopper mostly tasted like ash since it was was dropped in the ash to cook. the texture wasn't bad either. secondly, the last night in mkata we had a feast of an entire goat. we roasted the meat instead of combining it with the rice or stew. so the meat was stabbed with skewers, and then the other end of the skewers were planted into the ground. we had two fires with large pieces of meat set around the fires. it was a neat evening. and africans don't waste any of the goat. they eat the intestine, heart, liver, stomach, head, etc. so i ate some of the heart, stomach and liver. the heart was really the worst part. the texture of the heart was terrible. my dad should be proud of me for eating those part. another thing i ate was this fruit called 'finess' which is delightful. (i looked on the internet and this fruit is called 'jackfruit'.) there were also other fruit trees on the property where we were staying so we devoured the oranges, lemons, papaya and coconut. that was a highlight to the trip also - all the fresh fruit available to us. it was also a sweet to see one of the guys take off his shoes and skimmy up the palm tree so he could retrieve some coconuts. real coconut cooked in rice is awesome!

did i get to see the ocean? we all traveled together to see the ocean. we stopped at the port, so i didn't really get to see the ocean in it's large and dangerous form, but the swimming was really fun. we had a great time, and more women than i thought decided to swim. it was a great escape for a day. there's something amazing about the ocean, especially the one which is the farthest away from the united states.

what were some of my challenges? trying to sleep with the islamic chants and drumming rituals of the witchcraft. the invasion of ants - the big carpenter ones which bite and refuse to release from your skin. the first night in mkata i learn swiftly that i don't enjoy those ants, and that i should do everything in my power to stay clear of them. when you walk thru their space, they attach themselves to you in places where ants should never go - like up your pants and shirt. having the rash from the water was irritating, but not too serious. often it felt like there was a huge amount of un-organization, and that played on me for awhile. preaching during the rainstorm was a challenge. the language difference is always a factor - not being able to express myself when i'm frustrated.

during our last morning in mkata, my mind and heart couldn't wait to leave. but something happened when we got about 25 minutes outside of mkata - my heart changed and i began to see some of the good things which happened during out stay. and i began to feel a gratitude for having experienced the challenges of mkata. it almost felt like a black cloud had been lifted from my heart.