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troy and i actually accomplished something regarding the wedding: we ordered the invitations/response cards/reception cards. that's quite the undertaking for us. i'm really grateful that troy's dad is willing to help us out with that.

drove through some car dealerships last night, in search of the perfect car. i'm not sure that troy and i will agree on a car ...ever. he wants fast and sporty; i want 30+ mpg, 4 doors, under $18,000, less than 30,000 miles. he loves beamers and volvos. i'm thinking a mazda or honda. guess we'll have to figure that out eventually, but for now we are discussing what we want out of a vehicle. for now, all i know is that his truck gets 1/2 the gas mileage as my car, costs nearly what i pay for my apartment each month, and he loves it. this may be his choice, and this may be my choice.

aren't you glad i'm letting you see a glimpse of our relationship?

so now that i know my relatives and troy's relatives are all the anonymous commenters, i can smile. troy's going to have to tighten the straps on his boots and talk to all my family members on the phone one of these days. that may be the only way they get to meet him before the wedding. the wedding is going to be completely relational, and i love that.

any one in south dakota want to take troy out for his bachelor party? that's a dangerous request!

so i'm getting more and more excited about the wedding. each day i can see details coming together. last week some of troy's family bought their plane tickets for the event. yesterday, some of my friends bought their tickets, and i got some tickets for my parent's to join us for the reception at the lake here in georgia. today i got an email from a friend who thinks she may have found a photographer. now i need a cake person (sorry, troy, you don't have time to bake that cake - my family members and friends will have you tied up with projects the entire time you're in sodak.)

i'm really looking forward to troy's family getting to spend some time with my family. our dads are going to click, and so will our moms. that is a reassuring feeling to know that our families will all get along. i'm definitely marrying up - way up! (no offense to my family, but it's true!)

so i heard some news that derrick, my brother, has popped the question to his girlfriend, nikki. how exciting is that for my parents - both kiddos getting hitched the same year? (why not the same day - derrick, you in?) i'm just kidding - i would be up for it, but i'm thinking that nikki will need her own wedding. i like sharing - sharing costs and family. the more the merrier for me!

what other random stuff is going thru my mind this morning? it's friday and i'm ready for the weekend. troy and i have another session of pre-marital counseling tomorrow. looking forward to that. i've enjoyed the discussions which have come out of our first session. troy and i have talked about how much time is required for our relationship to thrive, some of the things we expect from each other, and how certain situations from our past affect who we are. one of our favorite discussions is how i went to africa in order to find troy, and how he went to brazil in order to find me. that's traveling the world to find the love of your life! it's a great story to be able to tell someone someday.

kelly is behaving very well these days. i think she simply needed a little surgery and now she has fully recovered.

for my family, thanks for accepting troy by his looks. he doesn't have any tattoos, he loves babies and long walks on the beach, is full of adventure and cares deeply for me. troy is so good for me. each day i see where he and i compliment each other more and more. like when my friends are offended by something i've done, he strongly encourages me to make restitution. he's trying to get me to eat better, but that's a challenge and a half.

something i learned about troy yesterday: he got a spanking for driving his hot wheel trike on his bed. thanks for sharing that story, steve! next time troy tries to drive the 4-wheeler (or 'fuller' as they say in the Messiah house) on the bed, i'll know how to deal with him!

oh man, i almost forgot to blog something really funny about troy which happened yesterday. (i told him i was going to blog this, so it's fair game!) as we were filling out the forms for the invitations, i asked troy the correct spelling of his middle name. get this: he had to get his license out of his wallet in order to know how to spell 'steven'. he has a 'v' and not a 'ph'. that's still really funny for me that he forgot how to spell his middle name. i love giving him a hard time about those silly mistakes, because he does the same for me! i wouldn't expect anything less from him!

photos

so i think the only photos i have of troy and me are taken from camera phones. here's are our two photos together:

we need some real photos.

p.s. my hair cut definitely is a good change. what do you think?

lovin' the comments

ya'll are killing me with the comments from my last post.

car issues: on my way to work yesterday my car started having a dilemma. my battery light came on, my power steering went out and the temperature gauge went up some. good thing i was only about a mile from work when it happened. so guess what i did? waited for troy to come online so i could discuss with him what i should do. i am not a car repair (wo)man in any way, nor do i really care what most of the parts on the car do. what i know is i haven't really put much money into my car which is 11 years old. so needless to say, i was little concerned that the repair for my car would be thousands of buckarooskies.

so troy came up to woodstock to rescue me from my car woes. after about 5 minutes under the hood, he came into my office and said, it's your idler pulley, and it shouldn't really cost that much. (i think secretly he was hoping my car was dead so he could go and choose a new one.) there's a little auto repair shop across the street from where i work, so troy drove kelly (that's my car's name) over there and got an estimate: $250. so no need for a new one yet. hopefully she'll keep running another 11 years.

this is the great part of all the car woes: i felt completely 'wifey' calling troy and asking him to come and take care of the dead car. i've not really ever had any one besides my dad help me take care of my car, so it's quite reassuring. it's great that he knows a little about cars and can narrow down what the problem is before it goes to the shop. i thought maybe it was the restricter plate, but that wasn't the trouble. (guess i've been watching a little too much nascar.)

hair issues: so i'm lovin' the new do. really, i love the shortness, the low maintenance of the cut. my dilemma is this: because of the cut, i don't have any blonde left. my sun kissed blonde was been taken away. i've never been a burnette before, and i'm not sure i was ready for that. so now i might be getting high maintenance with some highlights so i can get some blondeness, but we'll see.

p.s. not sure i'm getting a 9mm automatic any time soon.

i did it

the brave one

i'm going for it.

One Year

one year ago today denise, shottie and juanita were taking me to the airport. wow. what a year. it has been a beautiful adventure - no doubt. my heart is full of so many different feelings - from the thoughts of missing my african friends to my newfound love of troy. from God challenging me to depend on Him for everything from safety to toilet paper, to accepting this wonderful man who has promised to love me forever. from the empty feeling i felt when i walked away from my friends at the airport a year ago to knowing those friends continue to support me thru this new adventure in my life. from being so full of anticipation of landing in tanzania to knowing this anticipation of jumping into marriage. what a difference a year can make.

i'm listening to love busters on cd. it's part of my assignment for our pre-marital counseling. this is what i am currently memorizing: policy of joint agreement: never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. do this in order to have a happy and fulfilling marriage. seem like the verse that says: [Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Phil. 2.3] perhaps that would be a good verse to have in our wedding ceremony.

How I've Changed Since He Said, 'Yes'

maybe i should leave this open for ya'll to answer... that may be the best way to know how i've changed. i know i've changed some because troy isn't afraid to tells me how i've changed. that's one thing i love about him - he'll tell me things about anything without holding back. he's good about asking me - 'what thoughts are you holding back?' he's into the open and honest part of the relationship, which i need someone to get me talking about all that touchy-feeling stuff. (cuz ya'll know how much i love talking about my feelings. wink wink)

ok, so back to ways i've changed. (this is odd to think about. now that i've started this post i'm chickening out...)

so let's see, what else can i talk about instead of ways i've changed. the weather lately has been lovely. the sky is clear with the sun shining thru my window - reminding me of God's faithfulness. the new growth of my plant reminds me of the growth of troy and my relationship. the dvd sitting on my desk reminds me of the good friends i've acquire thru work. the candle on my desk reminds me how i should be fragrance of Christ. the map on my wall breathes hope into my soul and puts a prayer on my lips for my peeps around the world. the picture of flora and i sitting on my desk puts a smile across my face. my canyon burger cup reminds me of my love for burgers, and how much of a sacrifice Christ gave on the cross. my santa kleenex holder reminds me of denise and her grandma - and i just can't help but smile. and the song on my radio reminds me of how much i've fallen in love with troy over the last 3 months.

ok, back on track with how i've changed. i now look up website about relationships - see here and here. i've watched more girly/sappy movies in the last 3 months than i have ever.
p.s. i love you
definitely maybe
how to lose a guy in 10 days
license to wed
why did i get married

i watched an entire nascar race on tv.
i bought a fishing license.
i went to counseling and liked it.
i've learned my way around fayetteville and peachtree city.
i've spent much time in stockbridge.
i've not been around much for my friends on the weekends.
i've changed my phone service to t-mobile.
i've not been to the gym nearly enough.
i've gotten more soft, and look forward to love notes/emails.
i analyze every relationship - those struggling and those thriving.
i've had to think about wedding stuff.

here's your chance to comment on if you've seen any changes in me.

Oh What a Lovely Weekend

friday: wedding dress palooza. we (lacey, jackie, shottie, denise and i) started off the event by eating at buffalo wild wings. i don't know what my fascination with that place is, but i really love it. there's just something about the atmosphere, the food and the drinks... (whoopsie - pre-bridal dress shopping beverages!) so moving on - after dinner it was time for our 7.30 appointment at david's bridal. we had a lovely attendant named Rudi who is great. she picked up early on in our conversation that i wasn't into all the frilly, fluffy, intricate type of dress. so she took me to another rack of dresses where the patterns were a little more simple. then i saw the dress - i knew from the second i laid my eyes on it. at that point, i could've just taken it to the counter - paid for it - and walked out... but my girls wouldn't have that. so we found two other dresses and headed for the fitting room. i tried on the perfect dress first. it fits like a glove - or something like that anyway. after getting zipped up, and modeling it, the girls knew it was on the one too. but they requested that i try on the other two dresses for 'fun'. so after about 30 minutes of dress shopping, we walked out of the store with the one. i love it when things come together like that. that will certainly be the most expensive dress i ever purchase... maybe i can get some money for it on ebay. :-)

it was then time to head over to california dreamin' restaurant for some dessert. the key lime pie over there is killer. and the coffee isn't too shabby either. we had a great waitress named heather. go there and sit in her section - she's great. ask her how her new beagle is. it's great sitting around a table with friends - just enjoying the night. i have the greatest friends - really, i do. and that wrapped up friday night.

saturday: troy and i had our first pre-marital counseling session at Cure Counseling. not sure which i was more concerned about - buying a dress or going for counseling? (not that i was very scared about either...) but steve - our counselor - took away all the fear, kinda like rudi at david's. troy and i have 6 sessions set up - isn't that great that i need more counseling? i know it's a big surprise for some of you. ha haa. just kidding. i'm looking forward to the counseling - to getting more advice on blending troy's boys into my life and me blending into theirs. troy and i have some differing view on money issues, but we'll get there. we both agree that we don't want to live on credit all our lives, so that will keep us from spending our money on frivilous stuff. troy's brother-in-law, adam, told me on saturday night that he's glad i'm involved in troy's life because he is tired of giving troy financial advice. that made me laugh - alot. i'm glad that adam at least has been trying to keep troy on track! gotta love the change that happens when people get their financial lives in order. troy told me last night that he is glad that he bought his big screen tv before he met me because i would not have ever let him buy it. (this is the type of discussion we have!) guess i need to give a little in that area. :-)

after the counseling session troy took me out to eat at pies-on pizza in fayetteville. their pizzas are incredible. because of my lenten sacrifice of giving up red meat, we opted for bbq chicken pizza. it was super good. their calzones look amazing too, and i'll be trying one of them later.

after lunch we headed over to eagle's landing baptist church to watch drew, adam and mandy's son, race his derby car. troy's mom, deanna, was there with michael and alex, who are troy's sons. i'm so blessed to be marrying into a family who cares for one another - it's an amazing blessing which i'm only beginning to understand. after the race, we took a little tour of the church. the youth facility is pretty amazing. there was a girl's basketball game being played in the gym. it's a happening place.

let's see, then what did we do? we drove to the lake for some fishing. on the way there we made a little stop at a & w from some rootbeers. there's just something about a & w rootbeer. at the lake michael caught a little bluegill. he was trying his luck using marshmallows, but the fish were only biting on worms. sitting on the dock was an old strainer. (what's a strainer? it's a string with a ring on the end and a metal sharp shaft on the other - used to hold the fish after you catch them.) the strainer reminded me of a time when my dad i were fishing off the bridge. we had a strainer full of fish - catfish i think. so my dad had just caught a fish and he asked me to go and get the strainer so he could add the fish to it. well, i had some complications with the strainer - and it fell out of my hand and drifted down the river. i remember my dad being a little upset about losing all his fish, but that's just life. now we have the story to tell about that time when the fish all got away.

it was a getting a little chilly so troy started a fire in his firepit which is sitting on the dock. it's great to sit by the fire and enjoy the calmness of the lake. after a hour or so, deanna joined us - then mandy, adam, courtney and drew. again, i'm so grateful to be marrying into a family who wants to spend time together. that's a beautiful adventure in and of itself.

sunday: attended southside church.wen i walked in the door, jessie, a friend of shottie, was standing there. jessie has a way of spying on me. i didn't really know who she was until she introduced herself to me, but then i knew. shottie had mentioned her to me - telling me that she and i are alot alike. i love it that jessie just jumped in and introduced herself to me - so we could meet. it's great to walk into a church where someone talks to you, even when it's some stranger who says, 'hey tanya, i'm shottie's friend.' jessie told me that she's doesn't normally attend that church, but she's goes to hopewell.

the message series is titled 'boulevard of broken dreams'. you can check it out here on July 22. oh the joy of a satellite church who posts their messages online. it's was a great message and something i needed to hear. when i was 16, i was convinved i was going to northwestern college in minneapolis, majoring in missiology and was going to be full time missionary in zimbabwe for the rest of my life. well, finally 14 years later, i made it to africa, spent six months and now i'm challenged if that is where i would ever want live. speaking of africa, a friend of mine - Jessica - is going thru the discipleship training school at the kilimanjaro base right now. the trouble is she had malaria and is not recovering. so please say a prayer or her - not only that she's recover from the sickness, but for her schooling and adjustment to african living. so anyway, broken dreams sometimes need to be let go or re-structured. i think i'm in the re-structuring phase. i think that is where troy is, too.

after church we headed up to troy's dad's house for the race. (this is going to be my life now - nascar) i can't help but remember all those saturday nights i used to spend at the dirt track near my childhood house. it was a family affair. i have an uncle and cousin who used to race. not that i know anything about restricter plates, but at least i know about pole position, suspension and how it becomes people's lives. i remember sitting near my grandma as her son would be out there racin'. she would be a ball of nerves when uncle jan was crashing into norma goth. oh those were days... i don't want to re-live them. oh and troy's favorite racer didn't win yesterday, neither did mine, but newman did.

guess i got a little long winded today.

photos worth more than a million words!

New Shoot

so i have this plant in my office. she's a good plant - a little large, but good. so this plant has a story. last fall another lady from the office and i decided that our monster plant was too large so we decided to divide it into 4 different plants. (the plant was truly too much!) so we drove to ace hardware, purchased some dirt and planters and returned to the office for our project. it was quite the process of chopping this monster plant into section.

since that time, i've had a section of the monster plant in my office. the plant hasn't done anything since the great divide. i held onto hope that the plant was alive and just kinda in a traumatic phase. i kept talking to it, watering it, and giving it a little shot of coke and coffee every now and then. well, this morning i walked into my office and there's a new shoot coming from the center. it's great! i love this plant. i didn't think i could kill it. it's the plant that never dies.

oh, and my aloe vera plant at home has a new shoot too. and all the other plants i have at home seem to be doing exceptionally well right now. who knew that a plant given to me from my dead grandma's funeral would continue to live in my quaint apartment? not me. i thought for sure i would have killed them all off by now.

guess it's a plant kinda day.

our team got 3rd place last night at trivia, no thanks to anything i had to say. i knew some of the answers, but everyone else knew those answers too. it's still good fun to go and hang out with friends for the night. but good golly - it was cold last night - a whopping 22°.

prayer concerns today: 2 friends (alli and cindy) going a mission trip to the Dominican Republic
praying for airline tickets to sioux falls to drop to $300 which includes all the fees.

Driving

during my drive to work this morning - i was constructing a really great blog post. but now it's 3.25 in the afternoon and what i thought about writing this morning doesn't seem as thrilling and thought-provoking. perhaps because i'm about ready to dose off due to tiredness.

tonight: going to play trivia in jasper with some friends. they have a pretty good record of winning. i just go along for the fellowship. my trivia skills lack luster. :)

met with lacey last night about some wedding details. going dress shopping on friday night if any one is interested in an adventure - you're welcome to come.

i was out sick a couple of days last week with this cold junk that's going around. yesterday was about 70° and today it was snowing. no wonder people are getting sick.

this is about as boring of post as i have ever written.

since i've gotten back from africa, i've really struggled to develop a working quiet time. mostly what happens is i open my bible and it seems un-living, tho i know it isn't. i know the Word of God is active and living - sharper than a double-edged sword... so i'm committing to time daily, reading my bible and praying something. i've slacked too much and it's time for me to step up to the plate. i've been sitting in the dug-out for long enough. i'm coming out swinging - no matter what is being pitched. (i like softball.) :)

troy wants to have jelly beans on the tables at our reception. who doesn't like some good jelly beans?

tomorrow is the first valentine's day in about 14 years which i will need to buy a card and gift for a significant other. it feels a little weird. mostly i call this holiday 'v-day = vomit day'. guess i'll need to change my tune. lovely. hear the sacrasm roll...

Odd Duck

[Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandments there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.]
Romans 13.8-10

these are the verses rolling around my head. i'm discovering the older i get, the more gray life gets. i'm not saying that's good or bad, but it's simply more gray than it was 5 years ago. i also have learned that grace is big, and i cannot fathom its depth, height, length or width. what i know is that God's grace is sufficient for even me - and that is enough.

Def/n: Tact

1 : sensitive mental or aesthetic perception
2 : a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense

in the last two days, i've been involved in two different conversations about being full of tact (tactful) - one with troy and one with kimberly. i value both of these people's opinions, so what they have to say really matters to me.

so what is it about tact which can cause certain situations to be closed off from communication or opened to allow others to speak freely regarding whatever is on their heart? that is the depth of tact.

i come from a family who speaks their mind, often over-stepping their grounds, and lacking any consideration for other's thoughts/feelings. my family speaks of gutting deer at the the dinner table without any thought that it may not be an unappropriate discussion. on the other hand, shottie has a way of saying, 'i'm going to need a little more sensitivity than that.' that's a good way of saying, 'you are not using tact.' so i'm grateful for the people in my life who draw my attention to those details where i'm insensitive, unconsiderate, and uncouth.

i'm such a nerd that i looked up the definition of uncouth, which is 'lacking polish and grace.' that's a great word. that word pretty much sums up my immediate family to a T. no offense to my family, but we are uncouth. we've are strong-willed, hard-working, prideful, competitive, often un-sensible, too often slow to forgive folks. change is hard for us. we stick with tradition, fear change, and doubt new ideas. (uncouth people need much grace.)

so as i'm planning/offering ideas for this upcoming wedding - i'm learning that what i want to portray may come across as selfish, un-traditional, un-thoughtful, un-respectful, un-wise to others. and this is by no means my ('our' - because troy is included in this) intention. we simply want to do something meaningful with our lives instead of fall into the tradition of the american dream. (and by now all you readers are convinced that i've lost my mind and i've fallen into 'bridezilla' mode - which is soooo not the case. --that's why i have lacey, casey, shottie, denise, laura, kimberly and troy who is 'groomzilla'.)

so i'm running a thought around my heart/head - trying to make it tactful. it may take a few days/weeks, but by God's grace - it will not be overly offensive to people... i'm praying for wisdom and grace, and i'm trusting His plan for us includes a trip to Kenya.