Today is the Day

so today is the day - thursday - the day i've been expecting God to do something extraordinary. me, a self-proclaimed prophet, thinks that today will be an amazing revelation of God's mercy, grace and compassion. i woke up in a great mood, talking with my Father about what He has in store for this day. i can barely wait to look back at the end of this day and see the greatness of God. i know that i know that i know something will be revealed today.

maybe desert oak will sell 2 houses today. maybe troy will be offered a position which allows him to be home every night. maybe God will speak into my heart a message which i've been dying to understand. maybe derrick will come to know Christ in a personal way on this day. maybe Jesus will return. or maybe someone would offer to play guitar at our wedding. maybe my parents will call with some amazing news of some wonderful happening in their lives. maybe troy's parents will call with some amazing news. or maybe michael and alex will call with some great news. or i'll get an email from someone from a far away country who has received a message for the Lord.

i don't know what is going to happen, but i know that something will. i'm convinced. truly, it's going to be an amazing day.

[amazing Father,
what a beautiful morning You've already shown to me. the lovely sunrise reminded me of your faithfulness. and by waking me up early to talk with you proves that You care deeply for me - desiring for me to be in Your presence. thanks for desiring my affection and love. You truly make me feel loved and accepted, wanted and needed. Your light is about to break, and i'm waiting for You. early in the morning i call out to you, my God, and wait in expectation. may Your revelation fall fresh upon us. come, Lord Jesus, and make Yourself known among Your people. i worship You with everything within me, while releasing the selfishness/crudeness/hurt/negative thoughts. today, as i desire a blessing, i'm begging and searching for You to move.
in Your precious and holy name, amen.]

as i've been sitting here this morning - there are 2 morning doves perched outside my window. oh the wonders of God never cease to amaze me.

Entertainment

once a month the ladies from my work all get together and we go bowling. let me just say that i absolutely love working for a company who places importance on team building. our boss lets us off early for our bowling fandangos. that rocks! so last night we all went to the bowling center in woodstock. after some good times at the bowling alley we headed over to o'charleys for some good eats. we had some great laughs during all the events. i love the ladies i work with - 2 patsy's, 2 cathy's, 2 cynthia's.

troy had an interview yesterday and the job is his if he wants it. i still think that something is coming tomorrow, so we are waiting to see what transpires. he's pretty glad that something has come, and he can be making some cash.

troy cleaned out my car - like really cleaned the car. he found some bird nests near the wipers, and some nastiness in the area around the trunk lid. this reminds me of a time when valerie cleaned out my car and found some incredibly nasty, mildewed and gross, cupcakes under my seat. i'm dying laughing about that one. (for me, i normally clean out my car when i'm going on vacation.) i'm really glad that troy puts emphasis on keeping his car clean. wonder what i'll have to do in order to butter him up so he keeps my car clean, too.

today's agenda: going to philly cheesesteak for lunch. i think i'm driving to cartersville after work so i can drop off these invitations/addresses for shottie. we'll see what comes after that.

i have a photo on a wall in my office. it's a yellow vase with white daisies. the background color is kinda green and yellow. it matches my office quite well. on another wall of my office, i have a world map. another wall, some photos of ireland (that's the name of my niece) and the messiah house (+ cory, - zach), with a cross that says 'love one another'. i have a leather chair sitting across from my desk, and that monster plant which has more shoots and it's nearly taking over an entire corner. i have magnets of 'the office' on my file cabinet. 'wholly yours' by david crowder is playing thru my speakers. the number '3039.00' is displayed on my calculator. i have a orange pineapple candle sitting on my desk - and it's lit. the time on telephone reads '11:00 AM WED 26'. i have a picture of Flora held up by a picture holder which says 'back 2 work'. i have a smiley post-it stuck to my monitor which was given to me by a co-worker after an office episode where michael gets the post-it note from pam which makes him look real important. i have several post-it notes stuck on my desk - one says 'josh repay 15 hrs, and another says, 'sizzle, fresh lime'. those two words happen to be the glidden paint colors we have chosen for our wedding. i have some bible verses sitting by my phone. i need to take out this letter addressed to tim hopkins.

Faith

so i'm convinced that something good is going to happen on thursday. troy is searching for a new job. he's been to several interviews and is currently on his way to another. i'm thinking something will come up on thursday for him. so am i crazy to think that? what put that little idea within me? is that partly what faith is? so i'm believing that thursday is the day. i'm praying like something will happen and i'm thanking God for supplying troy's needs in His perfect way.

someone asked me the other day how many days until the big event? i looked that person in the eye, and asked 'what event?' so i guess it's about 7 weeks until troy and i get hitched. that's so cool. i'm really looking forward to being mrs. brown. speaking of the browns, we went to see 'meet the browns' late yesterday afternoon. it's a pretty good flick. had some funny lines. like 'don't go gospel gangsta on him!' haa haa. that's a good one.

we have our invitations and they should be going out in the mail within the next couple of weeks. please email me your address if you want an invite. tgartamaker at gmail dot com (i'm just trying to see if anyone reads this blog!!!!) guess i may need to get a new email address. that's something.

back to eating beef. the Lord Jesus made a way for me. i've enjoyed the break, even with the challenge. i'm really a red meat person. don't get me wrong, i can enjoy some chicken/pork/turkey, but there's just something about steak and hamburgers and roasts. denise made some amazing roast on Easter, and troy made some killer cheesesteak sammiches yesterday. mmmm so good. might have one of those cheesestaek sammiches again tonight if there are any leftovers. i'm so pathetic that i took a photo of my fridge the other day, because i was so impress with how much food troy has put in it.

what i want

so for some reason this year i really want to attend a good friday service and an easter sunrise service. those are the two things i want right now. patsy, my co-worker/counselor, invited us (troy and me) to their easter sunrise service. so i'm thinking that will be where we end up early on easter morning. and the messiah house has invited us to their normal easter service at 11. i was thinking about going to st. paul for the good friday service... but i'm waiting to see if that would be something i'll need to drag troy to. he hee. guess that's part about being a couple - he gets dragged to events i want to go to, and i get dragged to his events. happy happy joy joy.

so troy has an interview tomorrow with home depot. if you're the praying type, this would be one of those times when we need it.

the invitations are in. need to swing by the brown's in smyrna to pick them up. happy happy joy and some more joy.

i have another request. man, i'm getting needy on this blog. i have a friend. her name is maggie. she lives in tanzania and is currently attending a training course to become a teacher. i called her last week and she mentioned that she needed some money for school fees. she needs about $200 so she can continue with the course. i know that once she finishes this course, she'll be able to support herself and some members of her family. right now i'm tight on cash because of all wedding plans, but if any of you would help a sister out... she (and i) would greatly appreciate it. even 10 bucks can help out. she's one of those people whom i connected when i was in tanzania. i was able to talk to her about many things. i love maggie and it's killing me to not be able to help her more. i know she's going to make something of herself - there's no doubt about that. she's a hard worker and will do whatever it takes to accomplish what God has planned for her. so, please, if there is any way you could get me a few bucks in the next couple of weeks, please do. you'll be investing in the lives of all the kids she will teach.

likes/dislikes

likes:
Wireless IntelliMouse Explorer 2.0
my green cell phone
uni-ball jetstream pens
finding deals at staples and cvs
friends who plan my wedding
waffle house
lightning storms
having a fiance who fixes my car
citrus smelling candles
marketing packages for cheap braves tickets

dislikes
naked, pregnant lady photos - you know the ones
staples embedded in the carpet in our copy room
car payments
arguments over hypothetical situations
driving a vehicle which gets 16 mpg

blessings and wedding stuff

i can't say it enough: God has truly blessed me in so many ways. when i think about how 'blest' my life is, i can't help but be overwhelmed. like meeting this great guy who sees past my imperfections and he loves me the same. i don't get that (yet i'm so grateful!), because i'm learning each day more and more how imperfect and difficult to love that i really am. (that last sentence is a grammatical nightmare!)

another example of blessings: my friends and family. they are taking care of this wedding stuff and it's a beautiful thing. so this is a shout out to everyone who is helping with wedding planning, especially lacey, denise, shottie, laura, mom, mom, mom (i'm gonna have 3 moms - how stinkin' amazing is that?), dad, dad, (and two dads!), valerie, kimberly... (and so many more.)

shottie has offered to write the addresses on our invitations. that is amazing. troy's dad is helping print the invitations. my peeps in sodak are working out all the details about eating /gathering /decorations /cakes /photographer / music/ etc. (do i have any takers for creating the 'order of worship' for the big event?) oh i just remembered something else - shottie's dad is hooking us up with our rings. i'm really blown away how God has placed certain people in my life to help me out. for me not to have to plan this event is SUPER ROCKING MY LOVELY WORLD! this is a beautiful adventure.

Weekened Stuff

perhaps i should have entitled this post, 'monday morning mind dump'. this weekend has been a flurry of happenings. (i'm having one of those moments where 100's of thoughts are rushing thru my head, and none of them want to be blogged about.)

highlights from the weekend:
meeting troy's extended family
watching a movie with the boys on saturday night
surviving the tornadoes
alex opening up a little about his insecurities
having lunch with my to-be-mom-in-law yesterday
celebrating easter with troy's family on saturday
waffle house for dinner last night
visiting with jenna and steve for a few minutes yesterday

lowlight from the weekend:
alex and micheal both losing all gaming privileges during their next 'daddy weekend'

looking forward to having dinner at the huddle house with some friends tonight.

i'm in kind of a down mood today. have some stuff in my head which i can't shake. it's one of those thoughts which weighs heavy on my heart today and i can't see to let it go. you know the type, where it takes time (and prayers) to build courage in order to talk to someone.

The Word

[Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3.8-9]

[If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12.18]

when i was a child, my family didn't always live in harmony and peace. my family had (has) some issues. just ask any of us - we'll tell you, but that was then and this is now. what i wonder now is have we moved on, matured, and forgiven one another?

i've been thinking about families a lot lately. having michael and alex in my life now has caused those thoughts. before them, i'm not sure i've ever thought about having kids, and all the work and investment that is required to raise them up into mature, christian adults. (well, now that i've written that statement, reality hit me. those are my expectations for these two amazing boys. first expectation: i want them to pursue Christ with all their hearts. second: i want them to mature and be capable of making wise and biblical decisions on their own - to stand up for what is right and true even when it is a difficult decision.)

this is what i'm learning: there is great responsiblity in helping these boys to grow up and have a positive impact on their communities. it's an investment which will take time to mature. it's not a race for rabbits, and unfortunately i think like a rabbit most of the time.

so after all this counseling which troy and i have been going thru, i'm trying to pick up things in Scripture which talk about being sympathetic, compassionate - all that feeling stuff. this verse in peter makes a connection between living in harmony and being sympathetic/compassionate/humble. the verse in romans is more like the one i would normally pick up on - it's more un-feeling and straight to the point; it speaks directly to me without any fluff. oh the differences in writer's personalities.

[please, God, help us to invest in these boys in a way which will have lasting effects for Your kingdom's glory. help troy and i to set an example in love and truth for them. we are depending on You to bind us all together in love, forgiveness, truth and hope. may You continue to break down the walls of distrust, hurt and anger. let Your peace dwell deeply in all of us so that we can radiate it to these beautiful boys. lead us deeply into your Truth that we can share it with joy. let our lives be a blessing to You. i pray your protection over michael and alex's hearts.]

just stuff

about 5 minutes ago i took the mail out to our postal box. some thoughts dawned on me during the brief outing: it's an incredibly beautiful day and life is good for me right now. it's about 50°, no wind and a clear, sun-filled sky. the brightness of the sun caused me to have an instant headache when i first walked out the door, but it quickly faded when the warmth sunk into my skin. it's not winter any more, and that makes me happy. i suffer from season affective disorder. (way too much time surfing the internet, becoming a 'cybercondriac')

there's a new shoot coming from my plant at work.

this bird made a very poor decision. you may be able to see its entire outline if you look closely enough. this picture is taken from inside my office window. it's going to bother me enough that i'll have to go outside and clean off the window.

and finally, a photo of my sweet addict.

something about a song

so i was in the car with michael and alex on saturday. troy had run into mcdonald's to get some healthy food (double cheeseburger kids meal) for alex. a song came on the radio and the boys both started to sing it. let me list the chorus for you:

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
to lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

then today, i'm sitting in my office and one of my co-worker's phone starts to play that song as the ringtone. unfortunately it was his wife calling. hmmm. wonder how she enjoys her ringtone?

i realize that people listen to music they can relate to. so i'm wondering what an eight year old and an eleven year can relate to in that song? i'm sure they both would be willing to tell me if i were to ask.

troy, now i'm going to be checking often which song you have saved as my ringtone. so far this song is what he has for me.

The Photos

Meet Alex.

alex is 8 and full of fun. he loves playing star wars on the ps2 and has some amazing artistic skills. he has a very soft heart and a beautiful smile.

Meet Michael.

He is 11 and loves to play runescape. michael is a chatty one and loves fishing. michael enjoys reptiles and animals. he loves playing with fire.

now, i am asking you to please pray for these boys, troy, and me as we'll be family soon. we all need the prayers.

Good Eats

i'm a pathetic cook. i will freely admit that to the world and beyond. i'm an 'instant gratification' kind of eater. i'll give you money and you bring me food. just ask denise. i normally have to hired her to prepare food for me when we have a potluck at work. she makes a killer 'Not Yo' Mama's Banana Pudding'. (whoops, guess i might've given away her secret. sorry d.) oh and she has this recipe for sloppy joes that is out of this world!

so now that you know that about me, let me introduce you to troy. he has great passion for baking and cooking. (i'm convinced that this is a divine gift to me!) so troy and i went to the grocer last night and picked up some items for dinner. this is what troy created for dinner: bowtie pasta with crushed red pepper alfredo sauce, a slice of salmon with butter and brown sugar, roasted potatoes with rosemary, and salad with cucumber ranch dressing. i think i may be bragging... he hee. it was amazing. (do i need to go into detail about how troy set off the fire alarm in my apartment building not once, but twice, during his preparation? i'm a little jealous, because due to the blaring alarm he had opportunity to meet my neighbors which i haven't accomplished in 5 months. my concern was that we were about to meet the friendly canton fire department, but they didn't come.) oh the great memories.

for the record, i wouldn't think of making that type of food. if i'm cooking at home, my menu consists of pb&j sandwich, fried egg sandwich, cereal, or my most famous 'hot dog, tortilla, and cheese' combo. i've had 3 boxes of hamburger helper in my pantry since Christmas when my parents went grocery shopping for me, and i've not thought of making those. that's far too much work for me. i'm just sayin', i'm a pathetic cook. eating is more of a social event for me. if i can't eat with people, then i really don't care what (or if) i eat. that's mostly why i like going out for lunch with friends during my work day.

sometimes i wonder if troy thinks he's going to change my cooking habits? we'll see. good luck with that one, troy, denise has been trying to teach me how to cook for 6+ years.

Blogging Life

a comment from last weekend that has made me laugh:
troy says to his brother-in-law, adam: 'you're just saying that so you can read about it on Tanya's blog this week.'

had another intriguing session of pre-marital counseling last weekend. troy and i have 8 of the 10 characteristics in common, but the 2 that are different are very different. he's a sensing/feeling kinda guy... and well, i'm just un-sensing and un-feeling. (that's a little extreme, but that's kinda what came out of the counseling.) the other one is that i'm more dominant than troy, but i don't see that quite as severely as what the scale mentioned. the good thing about it is that troy and i have already noticed these differences and have discussed them. so this week i'm making note of times when i'm inconsiderate/uncaring/unsympathetic/rude/uncouth/controlling. so far i've learned that it's easiest to be unsympathetic with my friends. they bring out that 'best' in me i guess. (ps. thanks kimberly for telling troy that you are more unsympathetic than me - that's great!)

denise is telling me that troy needs to read some book, and troy is telling me that denise needs to read some book. joy. i need to read both of those books to see what the crap they say about parenting. i'm just afraid it's gonna be a tough love book versus a tender love book. after these two counseling sessions, i'm seeing how the differences in personality affect parenting styles.

last weekend we went out to eat with four kids. three of them dumped their sweet tea. i thought about dumping mine because it would've been fun, but refrained. oh to be a kid again. i love eating out with my 'to-be-in-laws' - it's always an adventure filled with great conversation and entertainment.

in a month my company will be switching insurance providers. i'm looking forward to that change.

there's a nascar race in atlanta this weekend and the high on race day is about 48°. sorry, kimberly, don't think we want to attend that race. plan on the october race.

i'm looking forward to easter.