Being Loved

so i was sitting in church this morning... listening to the lyrics to a song... sometimes during church i stand silently, listening to the words without actually speaking them. there's something heart-warming about listening to others say the words in unison. anyway, a thought hit me:
when i know i am loved, i don't need to prove anything.

then i started thinking about things which i try to prove, and who i try to prove them to. God has used troy to demonstrate His love for me over and over. troy has a special way of creating a safe place for me to say whatever is on my heart. and not only does he make that safe place, but he draws the conversation out of me. i've not known many people who can do that. i tend to hold back what's on my heart, simply because i don't feel like what's going on in me is worth sharing with others. so troy (and Jesus) are teaching me that i am loved, it's ok to share about my life, and that i sometimes fail to accept the love given by others. so those are my current lessons.

i have 3 words to say, and you can pray over them: baby momma drama. God will know what's going on.

car buying

my father should be proud. nothing like the joys of negotiating prices of cars. we give a figure which we're willing to pay. the car salesman says that number is a little low. so we walk out. then the salesman calls back in a few days, says he'd would like to sell us a car, but isn't willing to come down quite as much as we are willing to pay. he could get us in a used car for the amount we are willing to offer, tho. so i hang up and wait for the next call. that's where we are right now - waiting for the next call.

books on parenting

so i'm reading a book on parenting, and i ordered another book. here is an interesting article.

'blog-worthy'

there are times thru-out my day when i think, 'man, that's so blog-worthy.' but when it's time to update this blog, i can't seem to remember what was so blog-worthy. maybe that's a sign of old age.

oh, the cleaning ladies came to my office last night. i love when they come and take out my trash and vacuum the floor.

helped troy to paint some concrete last weekend. we painted a quarter of the wall concrete color. really. the paint color is pretty much an exact match to the gray-ish color of concrete. we didn't finish because it started raining. we made the most of it by grabbing some chairs, sitting outside under the awning, and just enjoying the rain and each other's company. what a lovely saturday afternoon.

so the building where our south dakotan reception is to be held is scheduled to be completed a week before the big day (may 10th). yep, you read that right. the building isn't actually built yet. it's in the process and from the sounds of it, it is coming along nicely. and... the house where our georgian reception is to be held is scheduled to be completely about 3 weeks before the big day (may 17th). what's the deal with new buildings and these receptions? i'm really looking forward to both events and the building where these events will take place.

there's something about this website which i'm addicted to.

Today is the Day

so today is the day - thursday - the day i've been expecting God to do something extraordinary. me, a self-proclaimed prophet, thinks that today will be an amazing revelation of God's mercy, grace and compassion. i woke up in a great mood, talking with my Father about what He has in store for this day. i can barely wait to look back at the end of this day and see the greatness of God. i know that i know that i know something will be revealed today.

maybe desert oak will sell 2 houses today. maybe troy will be offered a position which allows him to be home every night. maybe God will speak into my heart a message which i've been dying to understand. maybe derrick will come to know Christ in a personal way on this day. maybe Jesus will return. or maybe someone would offer to play guitar at our wedding. maybe my parents will call with some amazing news of some wonderful happening in their lives. maybe troy's parents will call with some amazing news. or maybe michael and alex will call with some great news. or i'll get an email from someone from a far away country who has received a message for the Lord.

i don't know what is going to happen, but i know that something will. i'm convinced. truly, it's going to be an amazing day.

[amazing Father,
what a beautiful morning You've already shown to me. the lovely sunrise reminded me of your faithfulness. and by waking me up early to talk with you proves that You care deeply for me - desiring for me to be in Your presence. thanks for desiring my affection and love. You truly make me feel loved and accepted, wanted and needed. Your light is about to break, and i'm waiting for You. early in the morning i call out to you, my God, and wait in expectation. may Your revelation fall fresh upon us. come, Lord Jesus, and make Yourself known among Your people. i worship You with everything within me, while releasing the selfishness/crudeness/hurt/negative thoughts. today, as i desire a blessing, i'm begging and searching for You to move.
in Your precious and holy name, amen.]

as i've been sitting here this morning - there are 2 morning doves perched outside my window. oh the wonders of God never cease to amaze me.

Entertainment

once a month the ladies from my work all get together and we go bowling. let me just say that i absolutely love working for a company who places importance on team building. our boss lets us off early for our bowling fandangos. that rocks! so last night we all went to the bowling center in woodstock. after some good times at the bowling alley we headed over to o'charleys for some good eats. we had some great laughs during all the events. i love the ladies i work with - 2 patsy's, 2 cathy's, 2 cynthia's.

troy had an interview yesterday and the job is his if he wants it. i still think that something is coming tomorrow, so we are waiting to see what transpires. he's pretty glad that something has come, and he can be making some cash.

troy cleaned out my car - like really cleaned the car. he found some bird nests near the wipers, and some nastiness in the area around the trunk lid. this reminds me of a time when valerie cleaned out my car and found some incredibly nasty, mildewed and gross, cupcakes under my seat. i'm dying laughing about that one. (for me, i normally clean out my car when i'm going on vacation.) i'm really glad that troy puts emphasis on keeping his car clean. wonder what i'll have to do in order to butter him up so he keeps my car clean, too.

today's agenda: going to philly cheesesteak for lunch. i think i'm driving to cartersville after work so i can drop off these invitations/addresses for shottie. we'll see what comes after that.

i have a photo on a wall in my office. it's a yellow vase with white daisies. the background color is kinda green and yellow. it matches my office quite well. on another wall of my office, i have a world map. another wall, some photos of ireland (that's the name of my niece) and the messiah house (+ cory, - zach), with a cross that says 'love one another'. i have a leather chair sitting across from my desk, and that monster plant which has more shoots and it's nearly taking over an entire corner. i have magnets of 'the office' on my file cabinet. 'wholly yours' by david crowder is playing thru my speakers. the number '3039.00' is displayed on my calculator. i have a orange pineapple candle sitting on my desk - and it's lit. the time on telephone reads '11:00 AM WED 26'. i have a picture of Flora held up by a picture holder which says 'back 2 work'. i have a smiley post-it stuck to my monitor which was given to me by a co-worker after an office episode where michael gets the post-it note from pam which makes him look real important. i have several post-it notes stuck on my desk - one says 'josh repay 15 hrs, and another says, 'sizzle, fresh lime'. those two words happen to be the glidden paint colors we have chosen for our wedding. i have some bible verses sitting by my phone. i need to take out this letter addressed to tim hopkins.

Faith

so i'm convinced that something good is going to happen on thursday. troy is searching for a new job. he's been to several interviews and is currently on his way to another. i'm thinking something will come up on thursday for him. so am i crazy to think that? what put that little idea within me? is that partly what faith is? so i'm believing that thursday is the day. i'm praying like something will happen and i'm thanking God for supplying troy's needs in His perfect way.

someone asked me the other day how many days until the big event? i looked that person in the eye, and asked 'what event?' so i guess it's about 7 weeks until troy and i get hitched. that's so cool. i'm really looking forward to being mrs. brown. speaking of the browns, we went to see 'meet the browns' late yesterday afternoon. it's a pretty good flick. had some funny lines. like 'don't go gospel gangsta on him!' haa haa. that's a good one.

we have our invitations and they should be going out in the mail within the next couple of weeks. please email me your address if you want an invite. tgartamaker at gmail dot com (i'm just trying to see if anyone reads this blog!!!!) guess i may need to get a new email address. that's something.

back to eating beef. the Lord Jesus made a way for me. i've enjoyed the break, even with the challenge. i'm really a red meat person. don't get me wrong, i can enjoy some chicken/pork/turkey, but there's just something about steak and hamburgers and roasts. denise made some amazing roast on Easter, and troy made some killer cheesesteak sammiches yesterday. mmmm so good. might have one of those cheesestaek sammiches again tonight if there are any leftovers. i'm so pathetic that i took a photo of my fridge the other day, because i was so impress with how much food troy has put in it.

what i want

so for some reason this year i really want to attend a good friday service and an easter sunrise service. those are the two things i want right now. patsy, my co-worker/counselor, invited us (troy and me) to their easter sunrise service. so i'm thinking that will be where we end up early on easter morning. and the messiah house has invited us to their normal easter service at 11. i was thinking about going to st. paul for the good friday service... but i'm waiting to see if that would be something i'll need to drag troy to. he hee. guess that's part about being a couple - he gets dragged to events i want to go to, and i get dragged to his events. happy happy joy joy.

so troy has an interview tomorrow with home depot. if you're the praying type, this would be one of those times when we need it.

the invitations are in. need to swing by the brown's in smyrna to pick them up. happy happy joy and some more joy.

i have another request. man, i'm getting needy on this blog. i have a friend. her name is maggie. she lives in tanzania and is currently attending a training course to become a teacher. i called her last week and she mentioned that she needed some money for school fees. she needs about $200 so she can continue with the course. i know that once she finishes this course, she'll be able to support herself and some members of her family. right now i'm tight on cash because of all wedding plans, but if any of you would help a sister out... she (and i) would greatly appreciate it. even 10 bucks can help out. she's one of those people whom i connected when i was in tanzania. i was able to talk to her about many things. i love maggie and it's killing me to not be able to help her more. i know she's going to make something of herself - there's no doubt about that. she's a hard worker and will do whatever it takes to accomplish what God has planned for her. so, please, if there is any way you could get me a few bucks in the next couple of weeks, please do. you'll be investing in the lives of all the kids she will teach.

likes/dislikes

likes:
Wireless IntelliMouse Explorer 2.0
my green cell phone
uni-ball jetstream pens
finding deals at staples and cvs
friends who plan my wedding
waffle house
lightning storms
having a fiance who fixes my car
citrus smelling candles
marketing packages for cheap braves tickets

dislikes
naked, pregnant lady photos - you know the ones
staples embedded in the carpet in our copy room
car payments
arguments over hypothetical situations
driving a vehicle which gets 16 mpg

blessings and wedding stuff

i can't say it enough: God has truly blessed me in so many ways. when i think about how 'blest' my life is, i can't help but be overwhelmed. like meeting this great guy who sees past my imperfections and he loves me the same. i don't get that (yet i'm so grateful!), because i'm learning each day more and more how imperfect and difficult to love that i really am. (that last sentence is a grammatical nightmare!)

another example of blessings: my friends and family. they are taking care of this wedding stuff and it's a beautiful thing. so this is a shout out to everyone who is helping with wedding planning, especially lacey, denise, shottie, laura, mom, mom, mom (i'm gonna have 3 moms - how stinkin' amazing is that?), dad, dad, (and two dads!), valerie, kimberly... (and so many more.)

shottie has offered to write the addresses on our invitations. that is amazing. troy's dad is helping print the invitations. my peeps in sodak are working out all the details about eating /gathering /decorations /cakes /photographer / music/ etc. (do i have any takers for creating the 'order of worship' for the big event?) oh i just remembered something else - shottie's dad is hooking us up with our rings. i'm really blown away how God has placed certain people in my life to help me out. for me not to have to plan this event is SUPER ROCKING MY LOVELY WORLD! this is a beautiful adventure.