Weekened Stuff

perhaps i should have entitled this post, 'monday morning mind dump'. this weekend has been a flurry of happenings. (i'm having one of those moments where 100's of thoughts are rushing thru my head, and none of them want to be blogged about.)

highlights from the weekend:
meeting troy's extended family
watching a movie with the boys on saturday night
surviving the tornadoes
alex opening up a little about his insecurities
having lunch with my to-be-mom-in-law yesterday
celebrating easter with troy's family on saturday
waffle house for dinner last night
visiting with jenna and steve for a few minutes yesterday

lowlight from the weekend:
alex and micheal both losing all gaming privileges during their next 'daddy weekend'

looking forward to having dinner at the huddle house with some friends tonight.

i'm in kind of a down mood today. have some stuff in my head which i can't shake. it's one of those thoughts which weighs heavy on my heart today and i can't see to let it go. you know the type, where it takes time (and prayers) to build courage in order to talk to someone.

The Word

[Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3.8-9]

[If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12.18]

when i was a child, my family didn't always live in harmony and peace. my family had (has) some issues. just ask any of us - we'll tell you, but that was then and this is now. what i wonder now is have we moved on, matured, and forgiven one another?

i've been thinking about families a lot lately. having michael and alex in my life now has caused those thoughts. before them, i'm not sure i've ever thought about having kids, and all the work and investment that is required to raise them up into mature, christian adults. (well, now that i've written that statement, reality hit me. those are my expectations for these two amazing boys. first expectation: i want them to pursue Christ with all their hearts. second: i want them to mature and be capable of making wise and biblical decisions on their own - to stand up for what is right and true even when it is a difficult decision.)

this is what i'm learning: there is great responsiblity in helping these boys to grow up and have a positive impact on their communities. it's an investment which will take time to mature. it's not a race for rabbits, and unfortunately i think like a rabbit most of the time.

so after all this counseling which troy and i have been going thru, i'm trying to pick up things in Scripture which talk about being sympathetic, compassionate - all that feeling stuff. this verse in peter makes a connection between living in harmony and being sympathetic/compassionate/humble. the verse in romans is more like the one i would normally pick up on - it's more un-feeling and straight to the point; it speaks directly to me without any fluff. oh the differences in writer's personalities.

[please, God, help us to invest in these boys in a way which will have lasting effects for Your kingdom's glory. help troy and i to set an example in love and truth for them. we are depending on You to bind us all together in love, forgiveness, truth and hope. may You continue to break down the walls of distrust, hurt and anger. let Your peace dwell deeply in all of us so that we can radiate it to these beautiful boys. lead us deeply into your Truth that we can share it with joy. let our lives be a blessing to You. i pray your protection over michael and alex's hearts.]

just stuff

about 5 minutes ago i took the mail out to our postal box. some thoughts dawned on me during the brief outing: it's an incredibly beautiful day and life is good for me right now. it's about 50°, no wind and a clear, sun-filled sky. the brightness of the sun caused me to have an instant headache when i first walked out the door, but it quickly faded when the warmth sunk into my skin. it's not winter any more, and that makes me happy. i suffer from season affective disorder. (way too much time surfing the internet, becoming a 'cybercondriac')

there's a new shoot coming from my plant at work.

this bird made a very poor decision. you may be able to see its entire outline if you look closely enough. this picture is taken from inside my office window. it's going to bother me enough that i'll have to go outside and clean off the window.

and finally, a photo of my sweet addict.

something about a song

so i was in the car with michael and alex on saturday. troy had run into mcdonald's to get some healthy food (double cheeseburger kids meal) for alex. a song came on the radio and the boys both started to sing it. let me list the chorus for you:

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
to lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

then today, i'm sitting in my office and one of my co-worker's phone starts to play that song as the ringtone. unfortunately it was his wife calling. hmmm. wonder how she enjoys her ringtone?

i realize that people listen to music they can relate to. so i'm wondering what an eight year old and an eleven year can relate to in that song? i'm sure they both would be willing to tell me if i were to ask.

troy, now i'm going to be checking often which song you have saved as my ringtone. so far this song is what he has for me.

The Photos

Meet Alex.

alex is 8 and full of fun. he loves playing star wars on the ps2 and has some amazing artistic skills. he has a very soft heart and a beautiful smile.

Meet Michael.

He is 11 and loves to play runescape. michael is a chatty one and loves fishing. michael enjoys reptiles and animals. he loves playing with fire.

now, i am asking you to please pray for these boys, troy, and me as we'll be family soon. we all need the prayers.

Good Eats

i'm a pathetic cook. i will freely admit that to the world and beyond. i'm an 'instant gratification' kind of eater. i'll give you money and you bring me food. just ask denise. i normally have to hired her to prepare food for me when we have a potluck at work. she makes a killer 'Not Yo' Mama's Banana Pudding'. (whoops, guess i might've given away her secret. sorry d.) oh and she has this recipe for sloppy joes that is out of this world!

so now that you know that about me, let me introduce you to troy. he has great passion for baking and cooking. (i'm convinced that this is a divine gift to me!) so troy and i went to the grocer last night and picked up some items for dinner. this is what troy created for dinner: bowtie pasta with crushed red pepper alfredo sauce, a slice of salmon with butter and brown sugar, roasted potatoes with rosemary, and salad with cucumber ranch dressing. i think i may be bragging... he hee. it was amazing. (do i need to go into detail about how troy set off the fire alarm in my apartment building not once, but twice, during his preparation? i'm a little jealous, because due to the blaring alarm he had opportunity to meet my neighbors which i haven't accomplished in 5 months. my concern was that we were about to meet the friendly canton fire department, but they didn't come.) oh the great memories.

for the record, i wouldn't think of making that type of food. if i'm cooking at home, my menu consists of pb&j sandwich, fried egg sandwich, cereal, or my most famous 'hot dog, tortilla, and cheese' combo. i've had 3 boxes of hamburger helper in my pantry since Christmas when my parents went grocery shopping for me, and i've not thought of making those. that's far too much work for me. i'm just sayin', i'm a pathetic cook. eating is more of a social event for me. if i can't eat with people, then i really don't care what (or if) i eat. that's mostly why i like going out for lunch with friends during my work day.

sometimes i wonder if troy thinks he's going to change my cooking habits? we'll see. good luck with that one, troy, denise has been trying to teach me how to cook for 6+ years.

Blogging Life

a comment from last weekend that has made me laugh:
troy says to his brother-in-law, adam: 'you're just saying that so you can read about it on Tanya's blog this week.'

had another intriguing session of pre-marital counseling last weekend. troy and i have 8 of the 10 characteristics in common, but the 2 that are different are very different. he's a sensing/feeling kinda guy... and well, i'm just un-sensing and un-feeling. (that's a little extreme, but that's kinda what came out of the counseling.) the other one is that i'm more dominant than troy, but i don't see that quite as severely as what the scale mentioned. the good thing about it is that troy and i have already noticed these differences and have discussed them. so this week i'm making note of times when i'm inconsiderate/uncaring/unsympathetic/rude/uncouth/controlling. so far i've learned that it's easiest to be unsympathetic with my friends. they bring out that 'best' in me i guess. (ps. thanks kimberly for telling troy that you are more unsympathetic than me - that's great!)

denise is telling me that troy needs to read some book, and troy is telling me that denise needs to read some book. joy. i need to read both of those books to see what the crap they say about parenting. i'm just afraid it's gonna be a tough love book versus a tender love book. after these two counseling sessions, i'm seeing how the differences in personality affect parenting styles.

last weekend we went out to eat with four kids. three of them dumped their sweet tea. i thought about dumping mine because it would've been fun, but refrained. oh to be a kid again. i love eating out with my 'to-be-in-laws' - it's always an adventure filled with great conversation and entertainment.

in a month my company will be switching insurance providers. i'm looking forward to that change.

there's a nascar race in atlanta this weekend and the high on race day is about 48°. sorry, kimberly, don't think we want to attend that race. plan on the october race.

i'm looking forward to easter.

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troy and i actually accomplished something regarding the wedding: we ordered the invitations/response cards/reception cards. that's quite the undertaking for us. i'm really grateful that troy's dad is willing to help us out with that.

drove through some car dealerships last night, in search of the perfect car. i'm not sure that troy and i will agree on a car ...ever. he wants fast and sporty; i want 30+ mpg, 4 doors, under $18,000, less than 30,000 miles. he loves beamers and volvos. i'm thinking a mazda or honda. guess we'll have to figure that out eventually, but for now we are discussing what we want out of a vehicle. for now, all i know is that his truck gets 1/2 the gas mileage as my car, costs nearly what i pay for my apartment each month, and he loves it. this may be his choice, and this may be my choice.

aren't you glad i'm letting you see a glimpse of our relationship?

so now that i know my relatives and troy's relatives are all the anonymous commenters, i can smile. troy's going to have to tighten the straps on his boots and talk to all my family members on the phone one of these days. that may be the only way they get to meet him before the wedding. the wedding is going to be completely relational, and i love that.

any one in south dakota want to take troy out for his bachelor party? that's a dangerous request!

so i'm getting more and more excited about the wedding. each day i can see details coming together. last week some of troy's family bought their plane tickets for the event. yesterday, some of my friends bought their tickets, and i got some tickets for my parent's to join us for the reception at the lake here in georgia. today i got an email from a friend who thinks she may have found a photographer. now i need a cake person (sorry, troy, you don't have time to bake that cake - my family members and friends will have you tied up with projects the entire time you're in sodak.)

i'm really looking forward to troy's family getting to spend some time with my family. our dads are going to click, and so will our moms. that is a reassuring feeling to know that our families will all get along. i'm definitely marrying up - way up! (no offense to my family, but it's true!)

so i heard some news that derrick, my brother, has popped the question to his girlfriend, nikki. how exciting is that for my parents - both kiddos getting hitched the same year? (why not the same day - derrick, you in?) i'm just kidding - i would be up for it, but i'm thinking that nikki will need her own wedding. i like sharing - sharing costs and family. the more the merrier for me!

what other random stuff is going thru my mind this morning? it's friday and i'm ready for the weekend. troy and i have another session of pre-marital counseling tomorrow. looking forward to that. i've enjoyed the discussions which have come out of our first session. troy and i have talked about how much time is required for our relationship to thrive, some of the things we expect from each other, and how certain situations from our past affect who we are. one of our favorite discussions is how i went to africa in order to find troy, and how he went to brazil in order to find me. that's traveling the world to find the love of your life! it's a great story to be able to tell someone someday.

kelly is behaving very well these days. i think she simply needed a little surgery and now she has fully recovered.

for my family, thanks for accepting troy by his looks. he doesn't have any tattoos, he loves babies and long walks on the beach, is full of adventure and cares deeply for me. troy is so good for me. each day i see where he and i compliment each other more and more. like when my friends are offended by something i've done, he strongly encourages me to make restitution. he's trying to get me to eat better, but that's a challenge and a half.

something i learned about troy yesterday: he got a spanking for driving his hot wheel trike on his bed. thanks for sharing that story, steve! next time troy tries to drive the 4-wheeler (or 'fuller' as they say in the Messiah house) on the bed, i'll know how to deal with him!

oh man, i almost forgot to blog something really funny about troy which happened yesterday. (i told him i was going to blog this, so it's fair game!) as we were filling out the forms for the invitations, i asked troy the correct spelling of his middle name. get this: he had to get his license out of his wallet in order to know how to spell 'steven'. he has a 'v' and not a 'ph'. that's still really funny for me that he forgot how to spell his middle name. i love giving him a hard time about those silly mistakes, because he does the same for me! i wouldn't expect anything less from him!

photos

so i think the only photos i have of troy and me are taken from camera phones. here's are our two photos together:

we need some real photos.

p.s. my hair cut definitely is a good change. what do you think?

lovin' the comments

ya'll are killing me with the comments from my last post.

car issues: on my way to work yesterday my car started having a dilemma. my battery light came on, my power steering went out and the temperature gauge went up some. good thing i was only about a mile from work when it happened. so guess what i did? waited for troy to come online so i could discuss with him what i should do. i am not a car repair (wo)man in any way, nor do i really care what most of the parts on the car do. what i know is i haven't really put much money into my car which is 11 years old. so needless to say, i was little concerned that the repair for my car would be thousands of buckarooskies.

so troy came up to woodstock to rescue me from my car woes. after about 5 minutes under the hood, he came into my office and said, it's your idler pulley, and it shouldn't really cost that much. (i think secretly he was hoping my car was dead so he could go and choose a new one.) there's a little auto repair shop across the street from where i work, so troy drove kelly (that's my car's name) over there and got an estimate: $250. so no need for a new one yet. hopefully she'll keep running another 11 years.

this is the great part of all the car woes: i felt completely 'wifey' calling troy and asking him to come and take care of the dead car. i've not really ever had any one besides my dad help me take care of my car, so it's quite reassuring. it's great that he knows a little about cars and can narrow down what the problem is before it goes to the shop. i thought maybe it was the restricter plate, but that wasn't the trouble. (guess i've been watching a little too much nascar.)

hair issues: so i'm lovin' the new do. really, i love the shortness, the low maintenance of the cut. my dilemma is this: because of the cut, i don't have any blonde left. my sun kissed blonde was been taken away. i've never been a burnette before, and i'm not sure i was ready for that. so now i might be getting high maintenance with some highlights so i can get some blondeness, but we'll see.

p.s. not sure i'm getting a 9mm automatic any time soon.