A Little Something

so there's a little more to the story, but i had to wait until certain people knew. on the 11th of this month some girlfriends and i were chilling at the Messiah ranch. we got the goofy idea to check for wedding dates, which lead to calling troy and asking him if he would marry me. he said, 'yes'. then we all kinda laughed and cried and continued planning the event.

so the wedding will be in sodak on may 10th because he wants to have a church wedding. (i was hoping for vegas.) so now i'm in the wedding nightmare/bliss. planning a wedding 1200 miles away is nearly like poking my eyes out with pipecleaners. yet i'm sure it will all come together because i have a great wedding planning team who are trying to keep me on track. oh, and the weekend after the wedding, so the weekend of the 17th, we are planning another reception for all our friends and family from georgia. that reception is being planned to take place at lake jackson, south of atlanta. planning 2 parties may be the death of me.

i am marrying into a great family who continues to surprise me with how welcoming and accepting they are. (btw, his family was taking bets on how long it would be before he and i would be married. they guessed august, so we are only 3 months early.)

so that's the rest of the story. i'm really excited, overwhelmed with wedding details, but i'm completely at peace. no second guessing - he's the one.

So I Should Just Spill It...

...like a glass of beer at Red Lobster. ...or a coke at pizza hut. ...or a glass of water at Subway. (those are the 3 most recent spills i've experienced - not counting the semi trailer which somehow landed in the ditch near my office this afternoon. cathy has some good photos of that incident!) is that the type of spilling i'm to do?

ok here goes: his name is troy. he found me on the internet. we emailed for a few weeks. then he invited me to his church and i took him up on his offer. when i first looked into his blue eyes, i knew that he and i would have a life-long relationship. he knew from the minute he saw my pictures on the internet. it all still amazes me...

recap:
he first emailed me on the 5th of december, asking questions about African missions. i met him at his church on the 16th. he and his boys met my parents on the 22nd. (i don't think it was coincidence that my folks decided to drive down here for a visit during Christmas. good ol' divine planning.) my parents knew after they met him. (oh and they made it quite obvious that they gave their approval and what they expected of him.) troy and i joke about that all the time. (his mom is the same with all her fun, little comments. it's hilarious.) on the 29th he was brave enough to meet denise, steven, shottie and ma gapp at the ranch. i got a thumbs up from ma gapp, so i'm guessing that she approved too.

(ya'll should see me with this big smile as i'm reminiscing about these memories.)

ok, that's all you get for now.

Insecurity

that word keeps coming into convervastion. insecurity - what am i insecure about? perhaps it goes along the lines of what do i fear? what in my life is out of my control? should i feel insecure about those things? who helps me overcome my insecurities? am i willing to share with those people what i feel insecure about?

last sunday's message by andy stanley was about 'who are you doing life with?'. he spoke about being transparent - not hiding behind the facade of what people should act like. everyone has junk in our lives which really needs to be dealt with. i'm learning this more and more each day. i tend to be the person who holds things in... so i am glad for friends who allow me to share in my own time. eventually i open up and tell others what has been going thru my mind - sometimes it takes years, but it comes out. having a rough childhood can cause someone to get a bit calloused. i am fiercely independent, this i know.

so what am i insecure about? guess my Counselor will reveal that to me. i'm praying for openness and for Him to speak clearly so i can be attentive and listen to His voice. i want to grow up and thrive, not just remain the child who used to hide under her blankets because she saw demons dancing on her bed.

there is great freedom in knowing you are loved. having accepted love makes it easier to share love.

Loving A Person

Loving A Person
by Sara Groves and Gordon Kennedy
Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing
It takes some time to see things through
Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting
We need grace either way

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through
There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying
It's a vulnerable place to be
Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby
Only one makes you free

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through
If we go looking for offense
We're going to find it
If we go looking for real love
We're going to find it

Andy Stanley: BIG

what am i praying for that's BIG - something which only God can accomplish? what am i working on that's BIG? what am i latching onto which will require God to move? what is something which i can say, 'If God don't, it won't'? those are some good questions.

if i had to answer something right now, i would say my brother's salvation. i've been praying for that since i was a little kid, but i'm committing this year to making it a daily prayer - one of those where i stand outside of God's house and be a constant appeal. what can i do to rescue my brother from the flames of hell... or from death/slaughter as proverbs 24 talks about? [prov. 24.11 Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.] when i was in africa, that verse started laying heavy on my heart, and it continues... i know there is great wisdom in the verse, and i want to know what it means. i desire to find out how to accomplish this verse, even if it means waking up at five am and staying up all hours of the night. let me weary myself on behalf of others that the truth of this verse may dwell deeply within me. [isa 43.22 Yet you have not called upon me, O Jacob, you have not wearied yourselves for me, O Israel.]

this year, i want to know God. i want to know what communicating with Him really means and how to do it most effectively. what is God's love language? can i ask Him for something and He does it for me... and am i trustworthy when He asks me to do something? this is deep challenge, yet right now i am feeling pumped to find out more. [my gracious Father, You've giving me everything, yet i want to ask you to come into my life. i refuse to remain the same this year. this year i am committing my time... let it be an acceptible gift. i am nothing with you, nor can i know anything about leading people from death without Your presence. Holy Spirit, come and reveal Your desires to me. i'm clinging to you to more. God, move or move me... i don't want to go where you don't want to dwell. lead me deep into You this year. open my heart, eyes and ears to trust You and follow hard after You. I'm completely in awe of the way this year has already begun. You are magnificent and i proclaim my dependance on You. in Christ's Name ~ Amen.]

Happiest of New Years!!

i keep getting messages on my meebo instead of in in the comment section, but i love it. so thanks for brightening my day.

my most recent ones says, 'I am not the anonymous one, but you have me on the edge of my seat. [09:18] meeboguest463674: Happiest of New Years!!'

i think i may know who wrote that one, but one never knows... i'm waiting for a certain some to blow it and comment something about his/her thoughts on what i am talking about.

i have a picture of me and flora, my compassion kid, on my desk. that photo brings such strong emotion to me. i can see in her eyes and mine that we are so happy to finally meet each other. she's an incredible kid and i hope to return to meet her again. [Father, may You wrap your loving and protecting arms around flora. let her know she's loved. may You help her family to respect her and value her. thanks for drawing her into my life. i'm forever changed because of this little girl in tanzania. amen.]

who left the anonymous message via meebo? i wanna know right now! 'from anonymous i think it's a very nice christian man, but i have some wonderful news of my own. keep guessing......who this is and what my news is...'

i have no clue who this may be...
meeboguest946259 - this is all i know about my mystery reader. one day i shall find you out!

I've Got Some News

the phrase, 'i've got some news,' seems to get everyone's attention. the best part is when i say that phrase, people instantly come back with some type of quick response. the most common one is 'you're pregnant?'. other's responses have been, 'you got married?' and 'you're going back to africa'. it's a good reminder that sometimes the best response is to simply hold your tongue and let the speaker speak. btw, i have not gotten married, nor am i pregnant, nor am i going back to africa (yet!).

so what do you think my news is? what do you think could have happened to me which makes me see life differently? it's something which keeps me up late at night and gets me up early in the morning. something that has spiced up my prayer life and challenges me to be a better person. something which is causing me to talk on my phone more often, read more books and seek other's advice (and concern).

guessed it yet?

New Band

so i found this band a few weeks back from pandora, but today decided to check up on them. they are called decemberadio. check 'em out. there is something about their music that causes me to stay on their website and listen to their music. might have to download their cd. fun times!

Beautiful Somethings

*a new year
*renewed ambition to eat healthy
*a new friendship
*friends who care deeply for me
*intentional seeking Christ, even when it feels like a desert
*pursuing peace
*fudruckers
*new year's phone calls from friends
*old friends offering advice
*new friends offering hope
*open and honest families
*laughter
*visiting the gym on a regular basis
*sitting by a lake
*watching ducks
*shooting bubbles with pop guns
*roasted pork, bbq chicken, and cornbread
*listening to the stories of people's lives
*dunkin' donuts coffee
*a good glass of wine and a fireplace
*warm weather
*voicemails from my ywam connections
*friends who hold me accountable
*painting pottery with friends
*lunch conversations
*knowing people who are still in love after 30+ years of marriage
*receiving spoken blessings
*beholding another day
*searching for Truth and finding it
*knowing God's grace is sufficient
*looking into someone's eyes while they tell you how Christ is saving them
*someone telling me they see Christ in me
*free cell phone minutes after 9
*green plants
*woodwick candles
*hersey's kisses
*garlic mashed potatoes and chicken nuggets
*sudoku puzzles
*playing dominos with friends