[But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12.9-10]
i'm ready to strangle someone. that's not a threat to anyone, just a statement. (and i wouldn't invoke physical harm, anyway.) this particular person has said words which are directly hurting some people who i love. it feels unjust. it's emotional abuse of the innocent. this is where i get fired up. this is the point where my skin crawls, my emotions run high, and my prayers are forceful. children soldiers and sexual explotation of children are two areas in my heart where i don't possess much grace for offenders. another area is laying on unnecessary guilt or discouraging kids to grow up. i don't like the phrase 'stupid people shouldn't breed,' but that thought has crossed my mind several times over the last few days.
i'm in a ranting mood today. so i should just close the email right here.
good God,
please come close to me now cuz i need You.
amen.
Tag, I'm It
Thanks to i’ve been tagged to write 25 things about myself. so here i go:
1. married to Troy Brown who loves cooking and nascar and me
2. currently reading three books: prayer by yancey, bringing up boys by dobson, and created to be his help meet by pearl
3. camped in troy’s truck last night
4. closet technology junkie
5. enjoy landscaping, flying kites, walks on the beach, and flying
6. grew up in
7. my favorite holiday is just around the corner: groundhog day – feb 2nd
8. favorite book of the bible is isaiah
9. legally i have 3 mothers, 2 fathers, 1 husband, and 2 bonus kids
10. walked on 4 countients, lived on 2
11. i claim a daughter in
12. on saturday i will be eating lunch at red lobster
13. hate popcorn, especially the theater kind
14. like playing basketball, bowling, fishing, and geocaching
15. have a passion for scones
16. this year i will be 33
17. would love to go on a mission trip to
18. have a neice (
19. my job responsibilities include but are not limited to: hr, ap manager, it support staff, and my husband’s duty is to make sure the ladies in my office are sufficiently taken care of with brownies and sweets.
20. like doing laundry but can’t stand put the clean clothes away
21. have lived in 4 states,
22. when i was a kid i thought that i would marry a guy from
23. the first time i visited
24. been in 3 oceans – atlantic, pacific and indian
25. there’s a decorative cross hanging on my green wall with the saying ‘love one another’. in swahili that translates to ‘pendana’. i lay in bed at night, translating phrases into swahili. in my head, before i fall asleep, i say ‘nakupenda wewe, Troy na Christo’
Somewhere in the Middle (of the night)
phrases or words which infiltrate my mind this morning:
*odd phenomenon
*witching hour
*3:25 am
*demons
*angels
*spiritual battlegrounds
*If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. [ps. 139.11-12]
*You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. [ps. 18.28]
*I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. [is. 42.16]
*I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.' [acts 26-17-18]
*They are to teach my people the difference between the holy and the common and show them how to distinguish between the unclean and the clean. [ez. 44.23]
Somewhere In The Middle by Casting Crowns
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle
Something Special
so troy has been off the last couple of days and it has been wonderful. i can't lie - i absolutely love it when he's home for 1/2 a week. he and i have laughed with each other during the last couple of days. we've had to look into each other's eyes and see what's going on. we basically turned off the tv and spent a lot of time just talking. who knew he had so much to say? i've loved every second. it's nice to hear his thoughts and to know what's he's got up his sleeve. Troy is a really intelligient guy who thinks entirely too much about nothing. (no offense, hubby.)
so tonight he going to lousville, which i'm actually quite glad that he's working. financially that's a major blessing. he's ready to get out of the house, too. after 2 days of sitting around watching tv and being on the internet, he's ready to go back to work. there's a slump that we all fall into when we are bored. there's something worthwhile about earning an honest day's pay, and i'm grateful that Troy has the desire to work. He's a very hard worker when he sets his mind to doing something.
guess this is a brag-on-Troy post. i can't help it. it's just bubbling over me.
smitten and loving it.
Early Morning Thoughts
i wanna go and see this Wordspring. maybe Troy can work out a trip to orlando on a friday night.
Troy and i both woke up at 3 this morning. after talking for a little bit, we both felt like we should pray about whatever was causes us to be awake. i absolutely adore having a husband who is sensitive to spiritual struggles. that is one thing i prayed for in a husband, that he pursue Christ on a daily basis. another thing is a great sense of humor, which God granted that request too. oh, and i prayed for someone who would meld into my family - which Troy took to my parents the first time they met last December. guess i had really high expectations. :-) there were two more things which he had to fulfill - one: that he would fit through a normal sized door and two: that he would have most of his teeth. (had to throw those two in there for my brookings connections!) ...to say the least - i got way more than i could have hoped for.
i could care less about this inauguration. then again, i don't believe i've ever watched one. Troy is on the other side of that spectrum. he's all wrapped up in the events of today. he keeps me informed. that part i like. crazy the international coverage about Barack. my tanzania friends have asks me how i felt about it, and honestly, they know more about this inauguration than i ever could. ok, so i'm listening to the inauguration online. i heard to boo's from the crowd over rick warren due to his unsupport of gay rights.
memory verses for the week:
[He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil - this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied, and water will not fail him. Isaiah. 33.15-16]
Troy and i both woke up at 3 this morning. after talking for a little bit, we both felt like we should pray about whatever was causes us to be awake. i absolutely adore having a husband who is sensitive to spiritual struggles. that is one thing i prayed for in a husband, that he pursue Christ on a daily basis. another thing is a great sense of humor, which God granted that request too. oh, and i prayed for someone who would meld into my family - which Troy took to my parents the first time they met last December. guess i had really high expectations. :-) there were two more things which he had to fulfill - one: that he would fit through a normal sized door and two: that he would have most of his teeth. (had to throw those two in there for my brookings connections!) ...to say the least - i got way more than i could have hoped for.
i could care less about this inauguration. then again, i don't believe i've ever watched one. Troy is on the other side of that spectrum. he's all wrapped up in the events of today. he keeps me informed. that part i like. crazy the international coverage about Barack. my tanzania friends have asks me how i felt about it, and honestly, they know more about this inauguration than i ever could. ok, so i'm listening to the inauguration online. i heard to boo's from the crowd over rick warren due to his unsupport of gay rights.
memory verses for the week:
[He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil - this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied, and water will not fail him. Isaiah. 33.15-16]
Video
Shout out to Michael and ElizaBeth from Black Studios for creating this masterpiece.
who's going to admit they cried when they watched it? Troy? just kidding ya. the photo with Troy and his flowers just sums up the whole experience. what can i say - i love that photo!
Faith and Marriage - Rant
[Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11.1]
so i'm reading this book, which i received as a gift from my sister-in-law, BJ. i'm about 70 pages into it. each time i pick it up, it has given me something to think about. it has lead to some great discussions between Troy and me. it has also given me some crisis of belief, areas where i'm struggling. so i know it has come at the right time in my life.
i have a tendency to be head-strong, independent, sometimes stubborn, conservative and i hate to admit it, but sometimes controlling. in the finance department, i need to know where all the cash is and accounted for - not depending too much on faith and chance to get us by. i like a steady income, steady work, and a regular schedule. Troy's job doesn't account for any of those last three. it bothers the heck out of me to be late on payments, and paying those dumb late fees pains me. yet, i know that God has never let us down, and sometimes a little time (and patience) will cure all things. yet i still don't like it.
there are times in our marriage where i need to hold my tongue and simply allow Troy to lead (and to let God take over.) if i say i trust in Christ, am i allowing that trust to infiltrate those areas in my marriage where i may not feel completely secure? am i giving my hurt and insecurities over to the altar where they need to be dealt with?
there's something weighing heavy on my heart about Troy, and i'm in a place where faith meets action. that action is to have faith that even tho i don't see any change that God is big enough to deal with both of us. i'm mature enough to realize there might not be any change on Troy's behalf, and i may be the one who requires an attitude adjustment. i'm at the point where i need to surrender my controlling, think-i'm-right attitude, and expect Jesus to do something outstanding. this is the point at which i'm stopping worrying about it, and expecting God to change one of us. this is the point where my faith takes over my human nature, and i stop trying to change Troy, and allow God to do what He's good at - being God. so this is my declaration to Troy and all you readers: i not going to be that nagging wife who doubts her husband's ability to be honest or to do what is expected of him. Troy deserves so much more than that from me.
[so God, You know my heart. You know all my struggles, hurts, and insecurities. You know when i doubt and when i stand on the truth. so to You i surrender this struggle. i give to You my husband and i trust that You will deal with both of us according to Your will and purpose. i'm expecting You to move in mighty ways thru our marriage, for You are the one who unites us. You've never let me down in the past, even during those difficult times in tanzania and my childhood. You are my God, and i trust You. I cry out to You for wisdom, courage, and strength to not pick up the worry and control. This struggle and situation is now in Your hands, because i'm tired of carrying it around (and troy's tired of me harping about it.) may You continue to fill my heart with love and compassion for Troy and others. help me to submit to Troy's leadership, instead of questioning every motive. You've started a good work in Troy, and You will continue until completetion [phil. 1.6]. I'm holding to that promise, and to the promise that You will move us to follow Your decrees and keep Your laws [ez. 36.27]. for Troy, I pray for him to be amazed by Your grace. for Him to see that You can move mountains in order to accomplish Your will. may Troy's heart be filled with wisdom and thoughts of You. as He's driving today, may You continue to converse with Him - filling His mind of things that weigh on Your heart. may He be moved by the things which move You.
In Jesus' Name ~ Amen
i have a tendency to be head-strong, independent, sometimes stubborn, conservative and i hate to admit it, but sometimes controlling. in the finance department, i need to know where all the cash is and accounted for - not depending too much on faith and chance to get us by. i like a steady income, steady work, and a regular schedule. Troy's job doesn't account for any of those last three. it bothers the heck out of me to be late on payments, and paying those dumb late fees pains me. yet, i know that God has never let us down, and sometimes a little time (and patience) will cure all things. yet i still don't like it.
there are times in our marriage where i need to hold my tongue and simply allow Troy to lead (and to let God take over.) if i say i trust in Christ, am i allowing that trust to infiltrate those areas in my marriage where i may not feel completely secure? am i giving my hurt and insecurities over to the altar where they need to be dealt with?
there's something weighing heavy on my heart about Troy, and i'm in a place where faith meets action. that action is to have faith that even tho i don't see any change that God is big enough to deal with both of us. i'm mature enough to realize there might not be any change on Troy's behalf, and i may be the one who requires an attitude adjustment. i'm at the point where i need to surrender my controlling, think-i'm-right attitude, and expect Jesus to do something outstanding. this is the point at which i'm stopping worrying about it, and expecting God to change one of us. this is the point where my faith takes over my human nature, and i stop trying to change Troy, and allow God to do what He's good at - being God. so this is my declaration to Troy and all you readers: i not going to be that nagging wife who doubts her husband's ability to be honest or to do what is expected of him. Troy deserves so much more than that from me.
[so God, You know my heart. You know all my struggles, hurts, and insecurities. You know when i doubt and when i stand on the truth. so to You i surrender this struggle. i give to You my husband and i trust that You will deal with both of us according to Your will and purpose. i'm expecting You to move in mighty ways thru our marriage, for You are the one who unites us. You've never let me down in the past, even during those difficult times in tanzania and my childhood. You are my God, and i trust You. I cry out to You for wisdom, courage, and strength to not pick up the worry and control. This struggle and situation is now in Your hands, because i'm tired of carrying it around (and troy's tired of me harping about it.) may You continue to fill my heart with love and compassion for Troy and others. help me to submit to Troy's leadership, instead of questioning every motive. You've started a good work in Troy, and You will continue until completetion [phil. 1.6]. I'm holding to that promise, and to the promise that You will move us to follow Your decrees and keep Your laws [ez. 36.27]. for Troy, I pray for him to be amazed by Your grace. for Him to see that You can move mountains in order to accomplish Your will. may Troy's heart be filled with wisdom and thoughts of You. as He's driving today, may You continue to converse with Him - filling His mind of things that weigh on Your heart. may He be moved by the things which move You.
In Jesus' Name ~ Amen
Stuff
my friend, laura, has upped her blogging skills.
i have a heart for this ministry, Stepping Forward - Romania.
there’s nothing like walking in the door after work, and your husband has finished the laundry. that’s love. again, i cannot brag enough on
Michael is going on a youth trip with grandma wallis this weekend. he’s pretty psyched about it. he’s also turning 12 on friday, so that will be an amazing b-day party in
I’m looking forward to having Alex this weekend. often Michael tends to talk for Alex when they are together, so i’m looking forward to hearing what Alex has to say. i’m sure we’ll get some good lego time in.
[I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Ezekiel 36.25-27]
i love having friends who challenge me to be a better person – like being forced fed. they refuse to allow me to wallow in my self-pity or depression.
i can feel that God is doing something big in
i enjoy Caedmon’s Call – Share the Well cd. there’s a song called The Roses. these are the lyrics which tug at my heart – it’s about a person who has returned from a mission trip:
[I’m back at home, all alone, and trying to find my thoughts,
about that old man, so inspiring, but the TV’s always on,
and the phone, it won’t stop ringing, and these bills they keep on screaming
to pay for all the things that we have never really needed,
and I wonder what he’s doing right now,
maybe walking through his simple field and thinking about how
God has blessed him so,
a man, his bride, his children and his roses.]
crabbing
Troy has picked up a new word from sodak: 'crabbing'. my granny said it like this: stop crabbing at him. so now troy has latched onto that word as has brought it up several times. i really try not to be the wife who 'crabs' at her husband, but there are times... i'm grateful to have a husband who can look me in the eye and make fun of me when i start crabbing at him. as far as husbands go, let me tell you - troy is top-notch. i am so incredibly blessed to have a man who's will to chase the vacuum around the house, do laundry, make the bed and coffee, and relieve me of parenting from time to time.
so i'm learning slowing that patience and tolerance are the keys to marriage. but it's also more than that - it's having a patience that is filled with joy and a tolerance that never gives up on anyone.
[Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. Phil 2.14-16]
Christmas Trip to So. Dakota
the night before we left for SoDak, Troy's dad had their Christmas fandango. this photo definitely shows how much fun we were having. it's great having more than one family for Christmas.
Granny Go-Go was so excited to see us. once she figured out who michael and alex were (which took about 3 seconds) she just grabbed both to them and gave them huge hugs. it was a cool moment to see my kids meeting their great-grandma for the first time.
lexi and micheal checking out the sled. one cold day we went sledding at the prairie playhouse. the kids had a great time, even with the wind and cold temperatures. we took turns warming up in the jeep because the wind was so cold. michael and lexi never took a break from the fun.
alex not having any fun sledding.
you can see i wasn't having any fun either. (check out the flag in the background flying straight out!)
troy, michael and my dad all went ice fishing one day. alex, me and my mom hung around the house and enjoyed the warmth.
my dad put alex in the sled and dragged him around colman. again, alex wasn't having any fun, as indicated by the pictures!
Derrick, Nikki and Ireland hooked up with us the night was arrived in sodak. you can see how big ireland is getting. she's walking all over now. granny go-go was so excited to have all of us over for the night.
we had a great time opening our gifts. i'll let troy tell you what he got from his in-laws. welcome to family, troy!
all in all it was a great trip. it's really cold in sodak, the dog barks all night long, my husband snores all night in every position, and my family will always have their quirks. yet, i loved every minute. thanks for the experience.
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