Transitional Period

well, i'm back in the States - actually i've been back since Thursday night, but life has been crazy (or it feel crazy.) (i can tell this is gonna be one of those posts where my thoughts are jumping all over, so please try to keep up!)

life in america is exhausting. from the time the plane touched down, life has been hustling and bustling to and fro. i've known this about america, but until the return of this beautiful adventure - i never truly understood it. from the moment the alarm goes off until the moment the switch is flipped off for the night - we are running. it's so completely exhausting to me that i've been going to bed about 9.30 each night. guess my body had adjusted to the laid back life of africa - get up when the sun rises, take an afternoon snoose, then get to bed a bit after dinner. (since kilimanjaro is close to the equator, the sun rises and sets about 6.30 - 12 hour days.) my body misses that life.

life in america discourages exercise. even tho we run to and fro, we are not getting any exercise. we jump into our cars to drive a half mile b/c we don't have enough time to walk there. our schedules are so tight that we can't go anywhere by foot, which i've found is an incredible method. while in tanzania, when i would ask someone if they wanted to go to boma, they would say 'yes', knowing it was about 2.5 miles one way into town - and it was by foot (going by car wasn't an option.) here, i don't know anyone willing (or has the time) to walk 5 miles just to get a coke. another african thing i miss, about 5.17 pm each day a group of people would gather at the volleyball court for our daily rivalry. when i came back to the States my arm had a pretty good bruise, displaying how serious we play that game - man, i miss that! also, i think i learned more swahili while playing volleyball than i did memorizing my 472 words a day.

there's an african proverbs that says, 'white men have watches but have no time; we, africans, have no watches, but have all the time in the world.' there is so much truth in that!

so what am i doing with my life? because i left the program early, i'm required to complete 2 weeks of community service, so i've been hanging out with the guys from Goshen Valley Boys Ranch. denise and steven are the house parents for the messiah house, and they are absolutely amazing with the boys. me, on the other hand, am not cut out to live with 6 boys! perhaps it's cuz i'm just returning to this civilization, but let me tell you, it's not for me. let me go back to work in my green office, enjoying my office issues, please! don't get me wrong, the boys are wonder, and they act like an american family. (and i know denise is gonna love me for that one, but i don't know how else to explain it.) i'm calling it culture shock, but the issues the boys struggle with are so _________ (i don't know a word to fill in that blank.) maybe a word like selfish or materialistic or unrespectful or me-focused or un-irresistible-revolution-friendly. my words are failing me, and all those that i listed are not exactly what i'm trying to say. the issues the boys deal with are typical american teenage boy issues. the issues which i've gotten used to are: don't having enough money to buy anything, so the kids don't even ask for anything. when i gave a 16 year old boy a piece of candy, he thanked me like it was the best gift he had ever received. that's the type of culture i'm now used to... not this culture where kids talk back to their parents, and say they don't like certain foods so other foods are cooked for them. or talk of a $350 ipod - that's 400,000 tanzania shillings which is nearly 3 times how much my fellow tanzanian classmates paid for their 6 months of schooling. the US dollar has great value. how can we change our youth's thinking? how can i make a difference in changing the thinking of a few people to understand that we don't need all that 'stuff' which will make us cool, but will continue to leave us empty and broken? Christ is continuing to open my spiritual eyes to see beyond the 'stuff' into His eternal treasures. God, keep me from desiring the things of this world. You are my inheritance forever.

guess i kinda got off topic with that question: what am i doing with my life? after this two weeks, i'm heading up to south dakota for a visit. will be up there for a week before i return to georgia for work and 'normal life' - whatever that means! i'll try to find an apartment closer to work; i'd really like to find a roommate, also. i'm thinking about taking some night classes at the tech school - for accounting, so i'll need to meet with one of the advisors about that. those are my ambitions as of right now.

americans spend a lot of money. since i've been back i've spent about as much as i did for one month in tanzania. so far i've spent $17 at walmart getting some needed personal care products (shampoo, conditioner, and crayons), $30 eating out - 1 meal, 2 people including tip, $30 for 10 gallons of gas, and $7 for some ice cream treats at sonic. so that's about $84 - crazy! and i'm not living life large! welcome back to the budget! how in the heck is it that we can have so much stinkin' money, yet we end up not having any money at the end of the month? stores offer so much that we don't need, yet we think we NEED it. so we buy it, wasting the money which could be used to help someone who really NEEDS it. i know some people who really NEED it. Again, God, please keep me from desiring the things of this world, and help me to use this income for a higher purpose.

as i sit here, my mind really is running in 472 different directions. one thought - i want more time to sit and just be with my friends. that's it. just be with them. i'm not one of those people who just blurts out the deep things of my soul. i'll blurt out many things, but not the deep stuff. i need time with someone in order to dig out that deep stuff. why am i like that and when can i get that time? (that's a loaded question!) another thing i've discovered is that we, here in america, don't like to sit in silence with one another. we seem to constantly be stretching to fill the silence with meaningless talk. guess i've gotten used to being more quiet in the midst of others - that comes from not speaking swahili in a predominantly swahili speaking country. i've also discovered that when i'm with more than 1 person, i'm less likely to talk. i'll allow others to carry the conversation, instead of tell of my beautiful adventure or whatever is floating thru my brain. (do i unconsciously think others don't care, am i afraid of talking too much, or some other hidden reason, or am i simply incompetent in the communication area?)

last friday - the day after i got back - denise, steven, i and the boys all took a little trip to whitewater. i noticed that i kept admiring the black kids, paying special attention to their faces and the way the acted. another example that i left part of my heart in tanzania... then later that day when denise and i were shopping at walmart, a couple of young women walked past us and they were speaking swahili. i couldn't help buy smile and greet them in swahili. it was heart-warming for me...

the song 'amazing grace' is playing on my computer right now... and the lyrics, 'i was blind, but now i see...' caught my attention. this is the first time since i've been home that i've missed tanzania. until now the newness of being back has blinded me from what my heart has been saying. so this blog continues to be therapy for me, just like how it was therapy for me while my stay in tanzania. this is not my home, but neither is tanzania.

Cuttin' It Short

In the wee hours of tuesday morning, i received a call from denise. mental note: it's always sad news when someone starts off the call by saying, 'i'm sorry to call you late, but there's something i have to tell you.' she proceded to let me know that my dad's mom, grandma gartamaker, had passed away. before i came to tanzania, my parents and i discussed what would happen if one of my grandmas passed away while i was here. at the time i told them that i would not return, but...

i spent the night praying and thinking about what i should do since i only have 3 weeks left; if i should try to return to the States early or remain in Tanzania thru the remainder of my school. i came to peace in returning to the States if: my dts leader granted me early release and the cost of changing my ticket would be under $400. those were my 2 requirements for traveling back to the States early.

so yesterday morning my belongings which i had taken on outreach were put back in my bag. after some prayers, tears and good-byes (so hard saying good-bye to my friends whom i've lived with for about 5 months...) i was off to our base, in order to speak with my dts leader. (gemma, my dts leader, is at the base because she gave birth to her son about 2 weeks ago.) she questioned everything about my need/want to return to the States, and then she granted permission, with one requirement: i need to complete 2 weeks dedicated to any type of ministry.

once permission had be granted, it was time to pack my suitcase. when i came to africa, i brought 2 large bags - one was a camping backpack and the other was a suitcase; both bags were complete full. let's just say that the Lord has worked in my life - teaching me so many lessons of giving and generosity, the importance of saying 'some' is enough, and i don't need to have more because i have more than enough. so i'm returning with a small backpack to hold my computer, and the same suitcase, but it's about 3/4 full. one of the guys from my dts wants to become a mountain guide, so he is getting Brock, my beloved camping backpack. (i know the cose of Brock, and it's more than this guy will make in 3 months of work - $70.) and i'm really grateful to be giving it away. that's how i know the lessons have sunk into my heart and soul. it's just stuff anyway - i've never see and hearse pulling a u-haul.

so, continuing with the story... my bags were packed and we headed out to the airport. after telling the ticket agent the reason for my early return, he said they would have a seat for me, but i should just wait a bit. so i trusted him with at his word, and sent my ride away. after about 30 minutes he returned to me and mentioned that others had checked in and i did not have a seat. (just to add to my beautiful adventure!) but he confirmed that i had a seat for the follow day (today!) and it involved the direct flight, instead of an extra stop. since i gave away the cell phone which i had been using when i was here, and wasn't bright enough to obey the Spirit when he prompted me to write down some of the numbers... (i had them stored in Skype on my computer, but i didn't have any access to wireless internet.) so i flagged down a taxi, paid too much, and got a lift back to the base - knowing the God's hand was in it, since he provided permission to return and the cost to change my ticket was $250.

maggie, charnelle, zippora and i had a great night at the base. we drank hot chocolate and enjoyed some other treats. we talked and just hung out. my last night in tanzania.

so on my last day in tanzania i'm sitting here updating my blog. i leave tonight about 8.55. it's now 9.44 am.

i have 2 prayer requests:
1.) i arrive in atlanta on thursday. that's the same day as my grandma's funeral in south dakota, so i'll miss it. but i'm planning on traveling to SD maybe on tuesday or wednesday, just to spend some time there - with my family. so pray that i'll have a way of getting to SD, and that i'll have a chance to see my brother. there are some things i need to talk to him about.

2.) my cousin, angela, is having heart surgery also on thursday in omaha, NE. her valves are gonna be replaced. so you can pray for her and her family as they go thru this operation. (angela is a cousin on my mom's side, and it's my dad's mom that passed away - so both sides of my family have big events on thursday.)

how do i feel? right now i'm really looking forward to returning to the States. this beautiful adventure has been really hard, yet so incredibly rewarding! my life has been impacted by the people of tanzania and others from around the world. the Lord had graced me in more ways than i could've ever imagined. and i'm content not being at my grandma's funeral - before i came here, we had our good-byes. i'm sorry that i'm not around to give my parents, especially my dad, a hug. but soon i'm be there to do that also. my heart breaks knowing that when i said good-bye to my fellow classmates, that was a 'good-bye forever', not 'see you later.' i know there are couple whom i will meet again, and, my friend, japheth, made saying 'good-bye' super hard! he and i have been close friends through this whole 5 months. but he's one of those friends that i trust we will meet again - either in switzerland, kenya, tanzania, usa or somewhere else here on the earth. (and, yes, i cried when i said good-bye to them.)

how do i feel about returning early? good. i feel good about it. i'm ready to return to a hot shower, french silk pie, hamburgers, mashed potatoes, potato salad, friends and family and my job. and i don't feel that i will regret leaving 3 weeks early. i wanted to visit Flora, Miriam and Furaha, (all Compassion kids) but another time shall come.

hang tight, my friends, i shall see you soon!

ps. i forgot something when i updated this post. yesterday we had a pretty strong earthquake while i was packing my bag. it was really exciting. i was sitting on the floor and thought - 'hmm.... i wonder why the floor is moving?'... then i realized what it was.

Special Gift From Above

this morning i was outside hanging my clothes on the line; let's not forget that i'm still washing my laundry in a bucket. it was a beautiful morning - the sun was shining, but not blazing, and there was a light breeze. it was a great day to hang the clothes on the line. then i heard a noise, like the noise of something falling from the sky then landing on the leaves laying in the grass. so me, being curious and having to know what that noise was, looked on the ground in the direction of the noise. there, laying in a pile of leaves, i see a green snake. i must've frightened the little snake (it was probably about two feet long) because when it saw me coming closer, it decided to head back to the trunk for protection.

i'm trying to find some info about the green mambas, but what i'm finding will not calm your fears. green mambas are very venomous - that's about all i can find. and i've discovered after i posted that photo, that the green in the photo looks nice on my blog - it matches!

so i'm traveling to usa river today for our final outreach. i'll be there for 2 weeks. the area is near the arusha national park entrance, so there may be a chance of seeing a stray critter or two.

looking forward to being finished with the outreach. until next time.

ps. randon fact: for my friends that are into agriculture: the most commonly used seed corn here is Dekalb DK8031.

Another Beautiful Day in Tanzania

ah, i'm enjoying my freedom at the base! each day i try to do something that will be a 'first' for me. today's first was that i slept in until 7.22 am. that's so stinking late. most of the student went home, so the girls dorm only had 4 people in it. i heard someone leave about 6.30 but i fell back to sleep. it was a beautiful thing! then about 7.22 the breakfast bell rung. how pleasant and splendid it was!

another first was eating at the local pizzeria from lunch. the pizza was actually pretty good - made with chicken and cheese. i'm sure that if i compared it to an american pizza it would fall miserably short, but since i've not had pizza in a very long time - it was pretty good.

tonight i've been catching up on some news from friends. some friends are traveling - laura and paul, some friend has a birthday today - kimberly, one friend is taking summer classes - janice, one friend is recently returned from family reunion - cheryl, one friend is living on faith that he is healed - dave, etc. oh it's good to hear news of my motherland.

my dts leader, gemma, delivered her baby boy on friday. he's a precious little child called joel. it will be great to see how he changes in the next 5 weeks. (that's how long i have left in tanzania.)

i've highly enjoyed my 2 days of freedom. taking little trips away from base and adventuring to moshi and boma has been great fun. i'm always up for a new adventure.

in the background i hear japheth giving a computer lesson to 2 of the other students. he is showing them how to use email. it's quite the treat listening to them, even tho i only understand a bit of what they are saying cuz it's mostly in swahili. teaching a lesson on how to use email is challenging, b/c the email programs use english and these people speak mostly swahili (with the exception of a few words.) that's a challenge i'm highly respecting japheth for taking!

i'm sitting outside on this beautiful africa night. it's abit cloudy this evening so the stars are not out, but the temp is just amazing. it's about 70 i would guess. there are still a ton of mosquitos, but i've used some strong bug spray, so they are not attack me quite as viciously as normal. and i've not seen an scorpions crawling along the ground.

tomorrow is wednesday, july 11th. that's crazy for me to think. i will return to america at the end of summer break. i'll have missed all of spring and most of summer. i've missed the changing of the trees, with they emission of yellow pollen. i'll have missed the summer trip with the youth group. i'll have missed many of the stories at work. i'll have missed so much more that i don't even know cuz i've not been there. but let me tell you, i'm certainly looking forward to hearing all about it when i return. it will be great! so be ready for me to ask many questions about what i've missed.

many of you keep asking me what i will do after i return to the States. right now i'm really looking forward to getting back to the normal life. i would like to take some night classes, maybe at tech school in woodstock or jasper. and i would really like to get an apartment closer to work, if thing work out. we'll see when i return what the status is. so that's i'm hoping for when i return.... but i'm also curious to know what i'm going to miss from africa. i'm wondering how my thoughts will change as time progresses. i'm wondering if i'm going to miss the people in the dorm who are constantly singing - or if i'm going to miss sleeping on the floor next to 10 other women - or if i'm going to miss my crummy, foam mattress - or if i'm going to miss cold showers (not gonna miss bathing in the river!) - or miss the food - or if i'm going to miss the swahili lesson (if you want to call them that!) - or if i'm going to miss not ever having to drive anywhere - or if i'm going to miss the cost of things here. oh so many questions. guess i'll have to wait and see.

Photos and More

i love hibiscus flowers. anywhere there is hibiscus flowers is a good place - that's what i've always said (never not said that!). so this photo of me and this beautiful plant in marangu is one of my favs. and you can see from the photo how beautifully green and lush marangu is.

these are the kids i walked to school - you'll have to read the previous post about marangu to get the whole story, but aren't they so cute? how could i resist walking with them (even if i didn't know where they were taking me)? just call me 'teacher tanya'.

this is the type of path which we walked every day in marangu. this type of path is used for walking and for vehicles. what you can't tell from the photo is how steep the hill is. the photo makes it look mostly flat, but in reality it was quite steep. another thing, if it hadn't been cloudy this day, mt. kilimanjaro lies directly ahead.

what a fun day!this photo was taken from the top of the landcruiser - our beloved safari vehicle. you can click the picture to see more photo of my beautiful adventure.

ok, so what's going on with me and how am i doing? these seem to be the questions resting on people's minds. so i'll start with the latter question. overall i'm doing really well. this has been a beautiful adventure so far, and there are only 5 more weeks to go. i keep meeting people along the way which cause me to love tanzania. in mkata, there is Eunice - the pastor's wife who has the faith of a giant redwood. in marangu there was this older woman whom we all called 'bibi' - grandma. each night during our meetings we have a time of praise and worship - and each night she would get her praise on. she'd start dancing like crazy, jumping and praising the Lord. one couldn't help but be moved by her passion to celebrate Jesus Christ and the way He has set her free. and in Himo, there's a little lady named mary. she's a cook at this little restaraunt. i knew from the moment that i met her that she was the one - and i met her on the first day in himo. she has this gentle smile which melts away the hurt and hardship of life. i so wish that i knew more swahili so i could sit and talk with her. instead, i tried visit her each day, even tho we never said many words - she spoke to my heart. she offered me so much encouragement by just being present. there's something powerful about. and she makes some killer chapatis! May the good Lord bless these women with grace and kindness, just how they've shown those qualities to me.

there is also a young girl named Helena who is 13. one day i was sitting on a hill overlooking the river, enjoying some snacks when i saw her swimming in the river. she was with many other kids. they all started calling to me, 'mzungu', and i still can't help by smile and wave... the next thing i knew she and some of the other kids had climbed the hill and were talking to me. i'm not exactly sure what all they said to me, but they kept talking and talking and talking. eventually it was time for me to go, but i told them all where i was staying and that they were welcome anytime. so, of course, the next day a group of the kids came to visit me. and the following day helena came by herself to see me. she was on her way to the mill to have the maize ground. (the maize is ground at the mill in order to cook ughali and macande.) so i offered to go with her to the mill. as we waited for the maize to be finished, another young lady, vivian stopped to talk with me. i had met her as her house during our door to door ministry. she's 17 and wants to be a lawyer. as vivian walked away, she was skipping. it's funny how a white person who cares about a teenage can have such an impact. anyway, so back to helena. after the maize had been ground, we were walking back to the house where i was staying and we came across some other kids. i don't know what those kids said to helena, but she got the biggest smile and walked a little more proudly. guess she was told something about walking with the white person. if i had a way to sponsor that girl - i'd do it. her eyes sparkle like to brightness of a full moon. her gentle spirit radiates to the others. she has a very caring heart - looking out for the other kids and treating them very kindly. and her smile is one of those glorious smiles which causes others to react in the same way. i love that kid!

i was just talking with my friend, susie, and she said that she was missing himo. she met some great friends there. and as i'm typing this message, i have to admit that i also have met some people who have touched my life. and i may miss that place a bit also, even tho it's mostly a love/hate relationship. i'm not fond of places which don't have access to clean water in close proximity of the house where i'm staying. i also don't really enjoy places where there is much dust. these are two things i've learned from himo. but i've also learned that in the darkness night, God's love will light the way.

oh, i forgotten to mention some other people from Himo. david livingstone, one of the great missionary to this area had a porter named samsom. samsom became one of the great evangelistic in the himo area. we had the privilige of meeting with samson's grandson. we got to see a picture of this old man of faith, whose prayers have impacted his grandson's life. that's a testimony.

A Free Day

i'm back at the base for a week - hallelujah! i've had enough moments of bathing in the river and always being dusty and dirty. last night i took a 20 minute cold shower and loved every moment. how i remember those days when i first arrived at this base and used to complain. how foolish i was!

today is a free day so i'm going to try to make an adventure of it. not sure where i'll travel to, probably moshi, but i don't want to stay inside making updates to this blog. maybe later this evening i'll try to update some photos and get a real post up.

Let Freedom Ring

again i've escaped from the clutches of outreach in order to check email, catch up on the lastest news, enjoy some kuku na chips (chicken and french fries!), etc. outreach is going really well, and i'm meeting some very interesting people. most of these people want me to sponspor them in some one, either by offering school fees or airlines tickets to america. it's all very interesting. went to a local family's house yesterday afternoon - loved my visit. the father speaks perfect english and he works as a builder in this area. enjoyed some good food of rice, boiled beef and some fruits. oh, and they gave me a can of redbull too. just for kicks, i think. it was my first taste of redbull, and actually it was pretty good. we shared some great conversations. again, i would not have had that opportunity, but this girl walks up to me on saturday, and asks me to be her friend. i told her to come to the house where we are staying and we can talk more. so she showed up yesterday, and then we traveled to her house which is about 2 miles from where we are staying. this is the type of things that happens to me. i'm always going somewhere and enjoying some great locals.

i'm trying to think of more things to write, but my mind is slow today. just enjoying freedom.

oh freedom, this will be my first 4th of july not on american soil. guess i shouldn't expect any fireworks or celebrations. i'll miss sitting in the cemetary with my church family. please know that my heart will be with you, enjoying the brighness of the moon instead of the bursting of color. know that i'll be saying, 'oooh, ahhhhh', as i look to the moon on the same night, just 7 hours earlier. :)

one day i was walking past a bar in marangu and that song, 'let freedom ring' by martina mcbride was playing on the radio... i couldn't help but smile and remember how much freedom we, americans, have. we truly are blessed in everyway. i will be enjoying my freedom perhaps more, simply because i now know that it is a beautiful thing to live in a free and blessed country.

may your 4th be filled with rememberance of how free you are - free to drive to the store to get groceries with the money you have in your bank account. free to sleep in peace and security - not having to listen to islamic chants. freedom to accept the love of Christ which is poured out thru the grace of His hand. freedom to seek truth and not be questioned. oh so many other freedoms.