Those Moments...

it's those moments.. you may know the ones... where you don't catch it initially how powerful the moment really was, until later when you reflect and discover there was more to the conversation or the glimpse of something. Today I seem to be having many of those moments...

the fill-in pastor on Sunday had 2 points: 1.) Expect Nothing and 2.) Appreciate Everything. That's it – just 2. but those two have stuck with me and continually throughout my day I've thought of them. I've spoken with 3 people (1 email, I through IM, and one face-to-face) who are exceptional at appreciating everything. Throughout my conversation with them, they all gave me very encouraging words. I wanted to say something regarding the sermon, but instead, I only said, 'thanks'. But the two points by that fill-in pastor continue to resound through my thick heart.

tonight I had the opportunity to hear Rob Bell speak at the Tabernacle in Atlanta. First, the Tabernacle is a tremendous venue. From the painting on every flat surface to the seating – it really has magnificent appeal. Secondly, Rob can communicate the message in a very powerful way. From Abraham to Hebrews – Rob presented Christ to those who would accept him. He even said, turn or burn – but that was just a side note! I do not want to be the person who allows the lady with the kids in the shopping carts to pass my house without doing something about it. So I am making a decree – (not quite like Michael from the office when he declared bankcrupcy) – but a life-decree. I refuse to continue to take; I vow to live a life of giving. May You, Holy Father, open the floodgates of opportunities to challenge me to give more than I have ever given before. Let me become weary in giving. Let the giving be in my finances, my conversations, my friendships, my wants. Open my eyes to means of helping others. Don.t let me sit at home and do nothing. Let me do more than walk thru the aisle of the grocery store, praying for each person whom I pass. I am expecting You to give me opportunities to share what You.ve blessed me with. And if I need to ask for help to accomplish Your tasks... humble me and give me the strength to ask. Let my Christmas gifts this year radiate in love for you.

i think I can confidently say that since the day I arrived in the States after my time in Africa, I have been stretched and pulled and hurt and helped in more ways than what I had been in the 5 years leading up to my departure to Africa...

the very thing I know I need to do is the very thing which I want to do the least....

i.m discovering something about myself which I have known, but has become more self-evident in the last few days: I do not talk to someone about the deep things in my life unless I have been around that someone for a long time. And 'for a long time' I mean days... I don.t just open up after a few minutes together - even with my closest friends. Something within me will not allow me to gush forth those deep meditation after only a few minutes together. Maybe that.s part of why I don.t like the telephone - too short of conversations lead to nothing... lately I have not had many of those extended times with my closest friends, and I have had a lot more on my mind/heart than I normally do. Everyone should have a counselor. Again, I am reminded of what I would say if I were ever in the ms. universe pageant and had to answer the question about what to do to solve the world's issues. I would say that I would make a way for each person in the world to have one close, intimate friend in whom they could share their lives.

why am I like this? I truly wonder that answer...

in saying that I have not had extended time with my friends is my fault. I will take the full blame. I have great friends who pursue me and try to get me to talk. Yet I do not. Maybe my heart is not ready to talk. Maybe I do not know how to express what in my life doesn.t feel good or right. Maybe I do not want to admit that 'i'm not perfect, not put together, and sometimes I'm lonely.'

guess I had something to say tonight.