refining

[See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.Isa. 48.10]

this verse keeps resounding in my mind. throughout my life i've been attracted to this illustration of God burning off our iniquities, purging away the part of our humanness which wage war against our spirits.

even during my darkest hours while i was living in africa, i felt as though people were praying for me and that God was within reach. i may vouch that these last 2 weeks have been my darkest hours during my adult life. i'm plagued by negative thoughts, can't sleep, don't want to eat, in conflict with troy about life happenings, cry myself to sleep, etc. what is going on with me? i'm trying to fight with everything that i know to fight with - prayer, fasting, involving other people, spending time in God's presence... yet, i've not found relief. i'm getting great at smiling and telling people that i'm doing well, while inside in crumbling under this burden.

God, please help me.