Possession

i think today is the first day that i thought of my white car (kelly) as troy's. it no longer belongs to only me. it has become our car. the truck on the other hand - it is still troy's truck. i can't seem to bring myself to think of it as 'ours'. it's a beautiful truck, but it may always be troy's truck.

i'm a cheap person. that's a bold statement, yet i feel like i live up to it. i cannot imagine ever paying $13,000+ as a monthly mortgage. to me, that is not in my thinking. i don't want to pay more for a car payment than i do a house payment, (but we are). i grew up in a family who worked very hard for their money, and each dollar was accounted for. the Lord got His part, and the rest seemed to work itself out. i've never been 'well-off', but i am grateful for what the Lord has blessed me with. currently i make more than my parents put together. (ok so that's a awkward thought for me, but i wanted to write it. for the record: my mom is not working, and my dad recently took a different position at his job. it's not that i make huge amounts of money, yet God has truly blessed me with an amazing employer who is incredibly gracious.) ok, so back to my original thought, cheapness. i work hard for my money and i account for each dollar. some months that is easier than others.

there's a book called, 'don't waste your life' by john piper. i know i might hurt some feelings on this and we can discuss it later, but the back cover of this book keeps resounding in my head and heart. here's what it it says:

John Piper writes, 'I will tell you what a tragedy is. I will show you how to waste your life. Consider this story from the February 1998 Reader's Digest: A couple 'took early retirement form their jobs in the Northeast five years ago when he was 59 and she was 51. Now they live in Punta Gorda, Florida, where they cruise on their 30-foot trawler, play softball and collect shells...' Picture them before Christ at the great day of judgment: 'Look, Lord. See my shells.' That is a tragedy.

what am i doing in my life from become this tragedy? unfortunately right now i feel like i'm drifting along - trying to keep my head above water. i work, then go home, just go back to work the next morning. the weekends - i spend with troy and the kids. i wonder - does any of that have an impact on the kingdom of God? is my life making an eternal impact? and why am i designed to think that unless i'm on a different continent - that my life is boring, unproductive and useless? these are my thoughts today. it's these thoughts which cause me to not want to go to the beach, but instead to send the money which we'd be spending on the beach trip to my missionary friends in tanzania, romania, thailand, honduras, south africa, etc.

my husband has his hands full with me. God bless him.