71 Days

it's 12.15 am on the 16th of december. Christmas is a little over a week away. Denise's mom will be here on the 22nd and stay for a week. it's always a good time with cheryl is in town.

i had the night to myself tonight. i had one goal on the agenda: to finish 'a prayer for owen meany'. that was accomplished about 8.30. i'm a sucker for books. i could live w/o a tv if i had plenty of good reading material. in the middle of finishing the book, i thought that it would be a cool thing to build a fire. the wood didn't want to burn, so i had to tear myself away from reading about every 5 minutes to go and stoke the fire. eventually the coals started building in the bottom, so less maintainence was required. even as i sit here, the fire is still radiating light and heat. as i thought about the fire earlier this evening, my thoughts focused on Jesus. he said,'I am the light of the world'. it fascinates me how when i allow the Word to penetrate my mind it will transform how i see reality. like looking into a fire, and thinking of Jesus, the 4 guys in the fire in ezekiel, moses and the burning bush, the end times when the world will burn up and a new world will be formed. the Truth has a way of prevailing.

last night i had a dream about living at the base camp in kilimanjaro. i was hanging out with 9 ladies and 4 guys. we were in a large room, just chilly - talking and enjoying each other's company. no one was in a hurry - there wasn't a tv in the room. in my dream i started thinking about community - and how i was living in community. in my dream i was thinking, 'denise and shottie are the ones who are always talking about community and their desire to live in a commune... why is it that i'm the one living it out?' it was a weird dream, but it was the first dream i've had of living in Africa. it was wonderful to wake up, realizing that i was dreaming of living in Tanzania.

sometimes when i'm alone i get very introspective. tonight was one of those nights. i got to thinking about how i don't like being lonely. i've always had roommates - i've never lived alone - and i'm not sure that i ever want to live alone. there is comfort in knowing someone else is around, even if they are not around all the time. and yet i see the need to have moments to get away and have those alone times. and the older i get, i know i'm not really ever alone. there is great comfort in that.

so in preparing for the move to Africa, i can sense God drawing me nearer to Him. there's a calling to cling/cleave/seek/abide more and more unto Him. right now i'm comfortable. life is overall pretty simple - there's not much risk involved in any area of life. but ask me that in 4 months and i can only imagine that my answer will be different. this is what i'm looking forward to: being challenged/stretched/pulled/torn/hurt/forgiven/beloved.