journal, budgeting and discipline

i'm most productive when i know what is expected of me. i guess in some ways that makes me a follower - just tell me what to do so i can accomplish it. that's why i have a planner where i can list my daily tasks, thoughts, prayer requests and how much money i've spent that day. i must be pretty trendy cuz it's a real moleskine. (actually denise gave it to me cuz it wasn't meeting her needs.) my lil' black book's name is Moja. so far it's working out very well for me. i basically have 4 sections to Moja:

Challenge Question - see this link

Calendar - print out of my my google calendar

Daily tasks, prayer requests and random thoughts
Expenses

Troy and i were discussing 'satisfaction' last night, and the question arose, 'can someone be satisfied by another person?' what are your thoughts? that's a big question, and i'm struggling with the answer. i realize that the Lord placed Troy in my life to fill a void, a longing to have a companion for travels along life's road. yet, me, as a person created in the image of God, has more needs than simply having a traveling companion. i don't simply want for my husband to only be my friend. i expect more than that from him. i had lots of guy friends before i got married, but they weren't my husband. perhaps i'm struggling with the definition of marriage. perhaps my idea of what marriage was supposed to be was tainted. troy being gone 3-4 nights a week causes me to be unsatisfied. so does that mean i'm relying too much on him? am i looking for him to fill something in me which he wasn't designed to fulfill? oh so many questions in my soul.

[Prov. 13.4 The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.] this is my verse for today. makes me think about what i'm doing to change my unhappiness/unsatisfied life. am on on my knees, crying out to the God of the universe who can fill all the desires of my soul? am i working out my salvation with fear and trembling, or am i complaining about not getting what i want? do i have a spirit of gratitude? where in my life do i need to be more diligent  for those whom i cherish? what would satisfy me?

i'm kinda going thru a phase in my life when i'm unsatisfied in lots of areas. not connected to Troy, friends, church, family, don't have anything fun planned for the future. too much work and not enough play. going through the motions by not really accomplishing anything worthwhile.  i realize this too shall pass, but in the midst of this tunnel, it feels lonely, cold, damp and dark. yet i know i'm not alone.

center aisle by caedmon's call seems to be the song which keeps playing over and over in my mind.

one of my daily challenge questions keeps rolling through my mind:

did i practice undisciplined or addictive behavior?