learning curve

our marriage continues to be a learning curve for me.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Eph. 5.22-33

3 basic lessons:

'submit to your husband as to the Lord.'
'submit to your husband in everything.'
'respect your husband.'

God currently has me enrolled in the school of hard knocks. It's a combination of acupuncture, kickboxing, and open heart surgery. perhaps i could throw in some skin grafting and bull riding for good measure. and yet, somehow in the midst of this wild ride, there is an amazing sense of peace and joy. i know beyond any doubt that God designed Troy for me. daily i see God move through Troy to teach me another lesson on love, endurance, passion, hope, kindness, comfort, etc., along with tearing down my fractured image of what love and marriage should be. God is revealing my subconscious images of broken past relationships with my family and others. I'm learning why i act certain ways regarding lack of money, drinking, intimacy, parenting, and so much more.

Growing up with an alcoholic brother and dysfunctional family certainly plays a part in the why and how i am the way i am. yet i'm proud to say that my parents endured those difficult days. they are not quitters, and neither am i. i'm a fighter through and through - yet i try to fight fair in most circumstances. i don't scream, yell, rant and rave about unnecessary evils, and neither does troy. we are the quiet fighters. we are learning together which way best works for the other person. i work best when Troy just comes straight out and tells me what's bothering him. He needs some coaxing in order to swallow what I have to say. (this is challenging for both of us, since i'm more likely to spew whatever is bothering me, and he is more likely to beat around the bush or to not speak at all.) we are growing and learning together, and it's getting easier with time. we are figuring out together what works, and that's what i'm learning marriage is about.

letting go of 'i/me' and grasping onto 'we/us'.

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Rom. 5.2b-5

not sure i'm at the point of rejoicing in our sufferings yet, but i know God is with us and in us.

tomorrow: 18 months from when i received my first email from Troy. it's been a beautiful adventure ever since.