[Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11.1]
so i'm reading this book, which i received as a gift from my sister-in-law, BJ. i'm about 70 pages into it. each time i pick it up, it has given me something to think about. it has lead to some great discussions between Troy and me. it has also given me some crisis of belief, areas where i'm struggling. so i know it has come at the right time in my life.
i have a tendency to be head-strong, independent, sometimes stubborn, conservative and i hate to admit it, but sometimes controlling. in the finance department, i need to know where all the cash is and accounted for - not depending too much on faith and chance to get us by. i like a steady income, steady work, and a regular schedule. Troy's job doesn't account for any of those last three. it bothers the heck out of me to be late on payments, and paying those dumb late fees pains me. yet, i know that God has never let us down, and sometimes a little time (and patience) will cure all things. yet i still don't like it.
there are times in our marriage where i need to hold my tongue and simply allow Troy to lead (and to let God take over.) if i say i trust in Christ, am i allowing that trust to infiltrate those areas in my marriage where i may not feel completely secure? am i giving my hurt and insecurities over to the altar where they need to be dealt with?
there's something weighing heavy on my heart about Troy, and i'm in a place where faith meets action. that action is to have faith that even tho i don't see any change that God is big enough to deal with both of us. i'm mature enough to realize there might not be any change on Troy's behalf, and i may be the one who requires an attitude adjustment. i'm at the point where i need to surrender my controlling, think-i'm-right attitude, and expect Jesus to do something outstanding. this is the point at which i'm stopping worrying about it, and expecting God to change one of us. this is the point where my faith takes over my human nature, and i stop trying to change Troy, and allow God to do what He's good at - being God. so this is my declaration to Troy and all you readers: i not going to be that nagging wife who doubts her husband's ability to be honest or to do what is expected of him. Troy deserves so much more than that from me.
[so God, You know my heart. You know all my struggles, hurts, and insecurities. You know when i doubt and when i stand on the truth. so to You i surrender this struggle. i give to You my husband and i trust that You will deal with both of us according to Your will and purpose. i'm expecting You to move in mighty ways thru our marriage, for You are the one who unites us. You've never let me down in the past, even during those difficult times in tanzania and my childhood. You are my God, and i trust You. I cry out to You for wisdom, courage, and strength to not pick up the worry and control. This struggle and situation is now in Your hands, because i'm tired of carrying it around (and troy's tired of me harping about it.) may You continue to fill my heart with love and compassion for Troy and others. help me to submit to Troy's leadership, instead of questioning every motive. You've started a good work in Troy, and You will continue until completetion [phil. 1.6]. I'm holding to that promise, and to the promise that You will move us to follow Your decrees and keep Your laws [ez. 36.27]. for Troy, I pray for him to be amazed by Your grace. for Him to see that You can move mountains in order to accomplish Your will. may Troy's heart be filled with wisdom and thoughts of You. as He's driving today, may You continue to converse with Him - filling His mind of things that weigh on Your heart. may He be moved by the things which move You.
In Jesus' Name ~ Amen
i have a tendency to be head-strong, independent, sometimes stubborn, conservative and i hate to admit it, but sometimes controlling. in the finance department, i need to know where all the cash is and accounted for - not depending too much on faith and chance to get us by. i like a steady income, steady work, and a regular schedule. Troy's job doesn't account for any of those last three. it bothers the heck out of me to be late on payments, and paying those dumb late fees pains me. yet, i know that God has never let us down, and sometimes a little time (and patience) will cure all things. yet i still don't like it.
there are times in our marriage where i need to hold my tongue and simply allow Troy to lead (and to let God take over.) if i say i trust in Christ, am i allowing that trust to infiltrate those areas in my marriage where i may not feel completely secure? am i giving my hurt and insecurities over to the altar where they need to be dealt with?
there's something weighing heavy on my heart about Troy, and i'm in a place where faith meets action. that action is to have faith that even tho i don't see any change that God is big enough to deal with both of us. i'm mature enough to realize there might not be any change on Troy's behalf, and i may be the one who requires an attitude adjustment. i'm at the point where i need to surrender my controlling, think-i'm-right attitude, and expect Jesus to do something outstanding. this is the point at which i'm stopping worrying about it, and expecting God to change one of us. this is the point where my faith takes over my human nature, and i stop trying to change Troy, and allow God to do what He's good at - being God. so this is my declaration to Troy and all you readers: i not going to be that nagging wife who doubts her husband's ability to be honest or to do what is expected of him. Troy deserves so much more than that from me.
[so God, You know my heart. You know all my struggles, hurts, and insecurities. You know when i doubt and when i stand on the truth. so to You i surrender this struggle. i give to You my husband and i trust that You will deal with both of us according to Your will and purpose. i'm expecting You to move in mighty ways thru our marriage, for You are the one who unites us. You've never let me down in the past, even during those difficult times in tanzania and my childhood. You are my God, and i trust You. I cry out to You for wisdom, courage, and strength to not pick up the worry and control. This struggle and situation is now in Your hands, because i'm tired of carrying it around (and troy's tired of me harping about it.) may You continue to fill my heart with love and compassion for Troy and others. help me to submit to Troy's leadership, instead of questioning every motive. You've started a good work in Troy, and You will continue until completetion [phil. 1.6]. I'm holding to that promise, and to the promise that You will move us to follow Your decrees and keep Your laws [ez. 36.27]. for Troy, I pray for him to be amazed by Your grace. for Him to see that You can move mountains in order to accomplish Your will. may Troy's heart be filled with wisdom and thoughts of You. as He's driving today, may You continue to converse with Him - filling His mind of things that weigh on Your heart. may He be moved by the things which move You.
In Jesus' Name ~ Amen
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