Giving & Getting Things

[Freely you have received, freely give. Matt. 10.8]

i've been downloading stuff lately. trying to sell my wedding dress on craigslist, donating books to our church, giving misc. kitchen and household items to goodwill, etc. it's good for the soul to give up stuff. it feels good to release that stuff to someone.

God has really been working on me to give up. i can see the process happening now that i take time to look back. so far for my b-day i've been given two things, and both of those things i've felt lead to give away. i know the people whom i've given the gifts will benefit from them. that brings me great joy.

so i came across this book. go there and click the sample chapter for a preview. it's daily challenges for spouses, yet i can see where they would be beneficial for all relationships. i love daily challenges - ask lacey. i like for people to challenge me to do something i need to put effort into to accomplishing. the first challenge in the book is go all day without saying something negative. that takes thought and consideration. that challenge wasn't too bad; yet, i'm afraid if we would've had the kids, i may not have fared so well. my negativity comes out more when i need to be the mom... troy and i struggle to be on the same page of parenting. there's a definite connection between (un)control/directing/disciplining/entertaining/family time and the amount of stress that causes me. thank the Lord for his amazing grace which He gives out freely. freely i have received, freely i should give.

troy and i have been talking about our different parenting styles. he's mostly ok with the kids playing their video games for 8 hours a day. he feels like since the kids don't get to play their games when they are with their mom, that it's his responsiblity to allow them to play their games at our house. i can't lie, i'm really struggling with that, and the amount of time we lack playing together as a family. i feel we don't really connect in meaningful conversation as a family. the kids do there thing, troy does his thing, and i'm stuck somewhere in the middle trying to figure out where i fit into this crew. guess that's my vent for the day. so with that being said, i covet your prayers - that troy and i could work as a team, that we'd be playing on the same page, and that we'd become a supportive family unit by the grace and love of Christ.

troy and i had a really fun night last night. he took me out to find a book (the one listed above), then to dinner and a movie. we saw the family that preys by tyler perry. i was impressed with troy - he went all night without watching any tv. (that's nearly a miracle for him.) what the means to me is that he gave me his undivided attention. what a wonderful b-day gift! my love language is quality time. spend time with me to show me that you care about me. that's just how i roll. troy's love language is words of affirmation. tell him how important he is, and he'll be walking on top of the world.

so what i've learned from being married for four plus months is that when troy is gone all week long, i don't get my quality time, then i'm less likely to say kind things to him. i lose my close connection/affection, so i struggle with building him up. when i lack in giving compliments, troy lacks in giving me the undivided, quality time i desperately desire. so when i say harsh words to him (because i'm not feeling 'loved') it tears him down more than i could ever know. i'm not a words of affirmation person - nor am i a gifts person. (as exemplified by giving away my b-day gifts.) you can say something rude to me, and i'll be hurt for a little while, but i'll forget about it. for troy, he holds onto those hurtful statements. taming my tongue is another lesson God is teaching me.

this post is not going the direction i had originally intended. oh well, guess i had some stuff inside that needed to come out.

i'm looking forward to going out with my friends tomorrow night. (quality time!) i'm looking forward to camping with my family this weekend. (quality time without electronics.) i'm looking forward to what this year holds. my thirties have been truly exhilarating - like a zip line.