A Song

a friend emailed to me a song called, 'Beautiful are the Words (Closer)' by Charlie Hall. these are the lyrics:
Beautiful are the words
Spoken to me
Beautiful is the One
Who is speaking

Come in close
Come in close and speak
Come in close
Come closer to me
Come in closer, come in closer

And the power of Your words
Are filled with grace and mercy
Let them fall on my ears
And break my stony heart

Come in close
Come in close and speak
God, come in close
Come closer to me, Yeah

that song, tho simple lyrics, has spoken to my soul. "break my stony heart" is beginning to be true for my life. i can feel the layers for pride, arrogance, self-righteousness, etc. all falling off. it's quite painful. i feel broken, hurt, abused in some ways, but i know this is a transformation which i need to go through. it feels like paper cuts all over my body, or a miserable rash that refuses to leave. and it feels like the hurt of running over your neighbors dog. or maybe like when your kid falls from her bike and skins her knee. it feels like compassion and pain, mercy and grace all bundled together.

but although it's painful there is great hope welling up within me. i can see the light, flickering at the end of the tunnel. it's dim, but it still shines through the darkness. the darkness flees just before the light no matter how fast the light is moving. there are 2 verse in the book of Micah which have spoken to me today: [7.7 but as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord; I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.] and [7.8b Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.] i need to remind myself that the world doesn't revolve around me. and i have no light on my own, except for what God has bestowed upon me.

tomorrow i'm going to a resort to go swimming. the american speaker and his family has invited me to go with them to the resort for some fun. they are a great family. the mom home schools, so the kids have class everyday. she said that she's not particularly fond of being the teacher, but the schools near their home are all run by muslims. the kids would have 'religion' class for an hour day - and what that means is the kids would have to bow to allah.

i really need to finish my homework, since i've not started it - need to write a 5 page paper. oh so exciting.... too bad i can't type it. we don't have a printer available.

i was washing my clothes this afternoon and another one of the students felt sorry for me (because i'm so stinking pathetic at washing my clothes!) so she helped me... it turned into her washing all my clothes. too bad i can't pay her to wash my clothes each week - that would be amazing. oh the character-building activities... like volleyball! :) well, maybe not, but it's teamwork, another lesson i'm learning. no one can make a decision on their own. everyone needs to ask many other people before they decide to do anything. it's all interdependence, which i'm learning. not sure i can change from being 'ms. independent' to 'ms. i-can't-decide-on-my-own-to-do-anything'. i'm curious to know how much i will change in the 6 months i'm here... 5 more to go! guess we'll see.