So the last couple of days have been emotionally exhausting. We've spent some time in court, with the decision that we maintain full custody of Michael and Alex. This is a relief and blessing. Our lives are richer, more challenged, more blessed, and plain tired from having them, but it is worth every ounce of effort. We love having Michael and Alex under our roof.
Carson has a terrible rash again. He went about 2 months without any rash, now it is back in full force. He's not a very happy camper today.
I need to work on a support letter for our mission trip to the Dominican Republic in September. We are looking forward to seeing how that all falling into place.
Book signing in Woodstock tonight
Found this cool book 'Praying for Strangers: An Adventure of the Human Spirit'. Here's the link. The author is having a book signing this evening at 6.30. I'm thinking about going to FoxTale Book Shoppe for the event.
Exciting news: Michael and Alex both passed their CRCT tests! I'm so flippin' excited about that! They have both been working hard to get their grades up. It's been a tough year for all of us, but they are doing it! So thanks for all your prayers and kind words. They really mean so much to us.
Tomorrow is a big day for this Brown family. We go before the judge again to see if we can maintain full custody of Michael and Alex. Th
Exciting news: Michael and Alex both passed their CRCT tests! I'm so flippin' excited about that! They have both been working hard to get their grades up. It's been a tough year for all of us, but they are doing it! So thanks for all your prayers and kind words. They really mean so much to us.
Tomorrow is a big day for this Brown family. We go before the judge again to see if we can maintain full custody of Michael and Alex. Th
Feeling like worship
I'm still reading 'A Long Obedience in the Same Direction' by Eugene Peterson.
He writes, "We live in what one writer has called the 'age of sensation'. We think that if we don't feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it. But the wisdom of God says something different: that we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting. Worship is an act that develops feelings for God, not a feeling for God that is express in an act of worship. When we obey the command to praise God in worship, our deep, essential need to be in a relationship with God is nurtured. " (page 54)
For someone who lacks feelings, this passage tugs at my heart. I know people, some of them close to me, who struggle with feeling God and so they desperately feel alone. When times are good, God feels close to them, but when times go sour, God tends to feel a little more distant. Not sure how I got the way that I am, but from a young age I learned that feelings don't hold my stability. Truth runs deep; emotions are shallow. Probably why I'm quick to forgive on most occasions. People are genuinely real and good people, until they are proven different. I would stop on the side of the road and help nearly anyone who has a flat tire. I would allow someone who has run down on his luck into my home to get a new start. I don't lock our doors because I don't see a need for it. This is just who I am, trusting and thinking the best of people.
So when does God feel near to me? When I'm standing on a cliff, overlooking the valley below. When I see bears in the wild. When I'm by myself. (Kids are a major distraction when it comes to focusing on my personal relationship with Christ. I love them dearly, but they don't encourage my closeness.) When I'm reading a book where a new truth is revealed to me. When a friend lets me know that I'm out of line. When friends choose to do things with me, even if they are lame things. When I'm hiking through the mountains with my husband. When I'm getting to know people who are different from me, in color and race and language. So many ways God comes close and makes Himself known to me.
He writes, "We live in what one writer has called the 'age of sensation'. We think that if we don't feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it. But the wisdom of God says something different: that we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting. Worship is an act that develops feelings for God, not a feeling for God that is express in an act of worship. When we obey the command to praise God in worship, our deep, essential need to be in a relationship with God is nurtured. " (page 54)
For someone who lacks feelings, this passage tugs at my heart. I know people, some of them close to me, who struggle with feeling God and so they desperately feel alone. When times are good, God feels close to them, but when times go sour, God tends to feel a little more distant. Not sure how I got the way that I am, but from a young age I learned that feelings don't hold my stability. Truth runs deep; emotions are shallow. Probably why I'm quick to forgive on most occasions. People are genuinely real and good people, until they are proven different. I would stop on the side of the road and help nearly anyone who has a flat tire. I would allow someone who has run down on his luck into my home to get a new start. I don't lock our doors because I don't see a need for it. This is just who I am, trusting and thinking the best of people.
So when does God feel near to me? When I'm standing on a cliff, overlooking the valley below. When I see bears in the wild. When I'm by myself. (Kids are a major distraction when it comes to focusing on my personal relationship with Christ. I love them dearly, but they don't encourage my closeness.) When I'm reading a book where a new truth is revealed to me. When a friend lets me know that I'm out of line. When friends choose to do things with me, even if they are lame things. When I'm hiking through the mountains with my husband. When I'm getting to know people who are different from me, in color and race and language. So many ways God comes close and makes Himself known to me.
Magnolia Macrophylla
So we've had this crazy huge-leafed plant in our yard. I didn't know what they were. My neighbor told me about Walter Reeves. The people there have been more than helpful in telling me all about this crazy plant. It's a special type of magnolia with the larges leaves of any plant in north america. Good times. Know anyone who wants one?
Songs of Accent
From 'A Long Obedience in the Same Direction' by Eugene H. Peterson
Reading, Reflecting, Responding, and Resting. (Lectio Divina - holy reading of scripture)
Read, Meditate, Pray, Listen - RMPL... This is my translation. First read the passage. Then think about other passages which are similar - Brainstorm. Then pray about whatever you were thinking about. Then sit back and listen to what the Lord of the universe is trying to teach you. By doing these steps when reading your Bible, you can begin to see a relationship of Jesus Christ develop. It's not just about following what is in the Bible. It's not about being a good person. It's not about doing what is expecting of you. It's about the heart of Christ - knowing and communicating with the Creator of the universe.
There's something which is weighing on my heart. A few days ago, Osama Bin Laden was assassinated. My heart hurts for him. My heart hurts for his family. Especially after reading this passage about the person sitting beside me is my neighbor and that they need grace just as much I as do. I don't want the pictures of this fallen person to be published. I believe that his family deserves to have that dignity. If I were in his wife's shoes, which I bullet wound in my leg, I would not want my husband's photos released to the world. How about his daughter? She witnessed her dad's death. I honestly can't imagine what that poor girl is going through right about now. Somehow, in God's justice, He is the one who also is pained through all this. Mr. Laden was a creation of the Most High God. Sure God is not rejoicing in the death of this person. I'm not saying that Mr. Laden didn't deserve to be punished, nor am I saying that he was a good person. His actions were evil. He killed many innocent people. He was guilty of heinous crimes. Those are the facts. But where is the heart of our Christian country in all this? Where do we allow our faith to override our hatred? When do Christians get to step up and say that God will deal with this man, be it ever so severely? It is hard for me to rejoice in someone being killed.
Then again, this is coming from someone who knows where death sting lies.
Most Gracious Father,
Break my stony heart. Let the power of your words fall on me. Come in close and speak. Come closer to me. Let me not gloat over the death of a man who was led astray, but let me rejoice that You lead me into Your truth. Over the Bin Laden's I pray for you to open their eyes to Your truth. May somehow, You use this death for good. May Your unfailing love embrace this broken family. May Your peace rest easy on their hearts. I pray Your blood to penetrate their calloused souls, and for Your forgiveness to gently invade their bitterness. In Your name, oh Jesus, I bind satan and his minions from this Bin Laden family. Let Your light flood their darkness. Open their mind's eye to see Your grace.
In Jesus' Name ~ Amina
The single word God occurs only twice in the psalm (120), but it is the clue to the whole. God, once admitted to the consciousness, fills the entire horizon. God, revealed in his creative and redemptive work, exposes all the lies. The moment the word God is uttered, the world's towering falsehood is exposed - we we the truth. The truth about me is that God made and loves me. The truth about those sitting beside me is that God made them and loves them, and each one is therefore my neighbor. The truth about the world is that God rules and provides for it. The truth about what is wrong with the world is that I and the neighbor sitting beside me have sinned in refusing to let God be for us, over us and in us. The truth about what is at the center of our lives and of our history is that Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross for our sins and raised from the tomb for our salvation and that we can participate in new life as we believe in him, accept his mercy, respond to his love, attend to his commands.
I've read and re-read this passage. Honestly, probably I have read this quote 50 times. And I'm still sitting here reading it. There is great truth/depth of knowledge (wisdom) in it.Reading, Reflecting, Responding, and Resting. (Lectio Divina - holy reading of scripture)
Read, Meditate, Pray, Listen - RMPL... This is my translation. First read the passage. Then think about other passages which are similar - Brainstorm. Then pray about whatever you were thinking about. Then sit back and listen to what the Lord of the universe is trying to teach you. By doing these steps when reading your Bible, you can begin to see a relationship of Jesus Christ develop. It's not just about following what is in the Bible. It's not about being a good person. It's not about doing what is expecting of you. It's about the heart of Christ - knowing and communicating with the Creator of the universe.
There's something which is weighing on my heart. A few days ago, Osama Bin Laden was assassinated. My heart hurts for him. My heart hurts for his family. Especially after reading this passage about the person sitting beside me is my neighbor and that they need grace just as much I as do. I don't want the pictures of this fallen person to be published. I believe that his family deserves to have that dignity. If I were in his wife's shoes, which I bullet wound in my leg, I would not want my husband's photos released to the world. How about his daughter? She witnessed her dad's death. I honestly can't imagine what that poor girl is going through right about now. Somehow, in God's justice, He is the one who also is pained through all this. Mr. Laden was a creation of the Most High God. Sure God is not rejoicing in the death of this person. I'm not saying that Mr. Laden didn't deserve to be punished, nor am I saying that he was a good person. His actions were evil. He killed many innocent people. He was guilty of heinous crimes. Those are the facts. But where is the heart of our Christian country in all this? Where do we allow our faith to override our hatred? When do Christians get to step up and say that God will deal with this man, be it ever so severely? It is hard for me to rejoice in someone being killed.
Then again, this is coming from someone who knows where death sting lies.
Most Gracious Father,
Break my stony heart. Let the power of your words fall on me. Come in close and speak. Come closer to me. Let me not gloat over the death of a man who was led astray, but let me rejoice that You lead me into Your truth. Over the Bin Laden's I pray for you to open their eyes to Your truth. May somehow, You use this death for good. May Your unfailing love embrace this broken family. May Your peace rest easy on their hearts. I pray Your blood to penetrate their calloused souls, and for Your forgiveness to gently invade their bitterness. In Your name, oh Jesus, I bind satan and his minions from this Bin Laden family. Let Your light flood their darkness. Open their mind's eye to see Your grace.
In Jesus' Name ~ Amina
Song of Accent
God is telling me something. I'm beginning to get it. When I logged into Sara Groves website yesterday, I found this post. It's talking about a book from Eugene Peterson called, 'A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.'. It is a teaching from the psalms 120 - 134. You can see an excerpt here. Today I was reminded of a song from Charlie Hall. It's called 'Closer' by Charlie Hall. It's a very simple song, yet powerful.
Beautiful are the words spoken to me
Beautiful is the one who speaking (2x)
CHORUS:
Come in close, come in close and speak
Come in close, come closer to me
Beautiful are the words spoken to me
Beautiful is the one who speaking
(Chorus)
BRIDGE:
The power of your words are filled with grace and mercy
Let them fall on my ears and break my stony heart
(Chorus)
After finding the song on youtube, i decided to check out charlie hall's website. In the video on the frontpage, Charlie discusses writing about the songs of accent. So now I'm getting it. Got wants me to dig into these Psalms. So beginning today, I'm opening my bible and starting at Psalm 120.
And i want to buy the book and the new CD. I'm learning how to walk thru the difficulties and walk towards God... yet still reach out to people while I feel crushed.... ascending toward God... my journey... a long obedience in the same direction.
Beautiful are the words spoken to me
Beautiful is the one who speaking (2x)
CHORUS:
Come in close, come in close and speak
Come in close, come closer to me
Beautiful are the words spoken to me
Beautiful is the one who speaking
(Chorus)
BRIDGE:
The power of your words are filled with grace and mercy
Let them fall on my ears and break my stony heart
(Chorus)
After finding the song on youtube, i decided to check out charlie hall's website. In the video on the frontpage, Charlie discusses writing about the songs of accent. So now I'm getting it. Got wants me to dig into these Psalms. So beginning today, I'm opening my bible and starting at Psalm 120.
And i want to buy the book and the new CD. I'm learning how to walk thru the difficulties and walk towards God... yet still reach out to people while I feel crushed.... ascending toward God... my journey... a long obedience in the same direction.
Life As I Know It
As Carson quickly approaches his 1st B-day, I'm amazed at how each day brings new and fascinating changes. Today he learned how to climb underneath his walker. He loves his walker, so he can go around the house and get into lots of things he shouldn't - like the trash can or clear off the shelves. Oh well, it's good to see him so active and alert. He's a great little kid.
Michael is struggling. He has a 'don't care' attitude about school and life in general. He's wrestling with who he is, where he belongs, and who really cares about him. He torn between two schools/group of friends. He knows that if he commits to liking life here in Woodstock that he will get hurt if he gets to return to live with his mom come May. He's struggling with rules and boundaries and structure in our home. He refuses to put any effort in school. It's a rough time for him.
Alex is thriving. He's a happy 11 year old. His school picture is great - he's even smiling in it. He teachers are trying so hard to help him get to 6th grade! It's cool to see how Alex has come out of his shell in the last 5 months.
Troy and I are doing well. Truly he is such a great husband. He's great at giving me space when life seems a little too overwhelming. He's a hard worker and provider for this family.
As for me, I'm getting through. It takes a lot of energy to keep the house (and clothes) clean, keep Carson occupied, helping Michael and Alex with their homework, etc.
Some of the highlights lately have been Carson's b-day party last Saturday and my parents being in town all of last week. We had a really good time. They are considering moving down to Georgia sometime in the future.
For now, that is all i have. Off to another adventure...
Michael is struggling. He has a 'don't care' attitude about school and life in general. He's wrestling with who he is, where he belongs, and who really cares about him. He torn between two schools/group of friends. He knows that if he commits to liking life here in Woodstock that he will get hurt if he gets to return to live with his mom come May. He's struggling with rules and boundaries and structure in our home. He refuses to put any effort in school. It's a rough time for him.
Alex is thriving. He's a happy 11 year old. His school picture is great - he's even smiling in it. He teachers are trying so hard to help him get to 6th grade! It's cool to see how Alex has come out of his shell in the last 5 months.
Troy and I are doing well. Truly he is such a great husband. He's great at giving me space when life seems a little too overwhelming. He's a hard worker and provider for this family.
As for me, I'm getting through. It takes a lot of energy to keep the house (and clothes) clean, keep Carson occupied, helping Michael and Alex with their homework, etc.
Some of the highlights lately have been Carson's b-day party last Saturday and my parents being in town all of last week. We had a really good time. They are considering moving down to Georgia sometime in the future.
For now, that is all i have. Off to another adventure...
dilemmas and peace
i miss you, tanzania.
Ninakukosa, Tanzania.
i love hot water.
ninapenda maji ya moto.
an interesting article: link
troy told me last night that i should update my blog. so this is my attempt to do just that.
i have missed going on a mission trip this year. my soul longs to go somewhere and do something with people who do not speak english, who know the joy of sacrificial giving. i'm exhausted by americans who have everything they could ever want, yet constantly complain of how little they have.
on my mind today: my life is so blessed to have a wonderful, caring husband. Troy really is an amazing husband. We've had a couple stressful weeks recently (and we'll continue to have a couple in the next few weeks), yet Troy maintains courage and strength to go through with the tasks which need to be completed. He works very hard for our family. He's great with the kids. He's gentle and patient with me. He's cleaned and straightened the house time after time in the last couple of weeks. He cooks great. I'm so thankful for Troy and i'm looking forward to our journey ahead.
the smurfs are coming back. i just saw a commercial about Macy's having smurfs for the holidays. good times.
carson is nearly 7 months old already. he's in the 74% for height for his age. he's rolled over a few times, but he loves to sit up and play.
michael and alex are growing taller and smarter every day. Michael and Alex will be spending more time in our home, and Troy and I are so glad about that.
Ninakukosa, Tanzania.
i love hot water.
ninapenda maji ya moto.
an interesting article: link
troy told me last night that i should update my blog. so this is my attempt to do just that.
i have missed going on a mission trip this year. my soul longs to go somewhere and do something with people who do not speak english, who know the joy of sacrificial giving. i'm exhausted by americans who have everything they could ever want, yet constantly complain of how little they have.
on my mind today: my life is so blessed to have a wonderful, caring husband. Troy really is an amazing husband. We've had a couple stressful weeks recently (and we'll continue to have a couple in the next few weeks), yet Troy maintains courage and strength to go through with the tasks which need to be completed. He works very hard for our family. He's great with the kids. He's gentle and patient with me. He's cleaned and straightened the house time after time in the last couple of weeks. He cooks great. I'm so thankful for Troy and i'm looking forward to our journey ahead.
the smurfs are coming back. i just saw a commercial about Macy's having smurfs for the holidays. good times.
carson is nearly 7 months old already. he's in the 74% for height for his age. he's rolled over a few times, but he loves to sit up and play.
michael and alex are growing taller and smarter every day. Michael and Alex will be spending more time in our home, and Troy and I are so glad about that.
A Spark
There seems to be things in life which spark something within each of us from being procrastinators to being over achievers. All of us have them. These little sparks come in different wrapping. What sparks me probably won't spark any one else.
I recently bought a book from amazon called, 'Wrestling with Angels' by Carolyn Arends. She is a song writer and musician whom I've really enjoyed for a long time. From the moment my fingers held the book, I could tell it was going to be my spark, nearly like tipping point by Malcolm Gladwell, which is another one of those books which amazed me. Carolyn makes this quote, "My life so far has consisted mostly of a series of seemingly routine moments, completely unremarkable except for the fact that the God of the Universe chooses to encode Himself in even the most mundane aspects of our lives." that quote struck a nerve in me. it felt like something I would come up with.
I have some friends working at a girls retreat this coming weekend. They could use some prayers as they minister to these teenagers. These young girls will be challenged and confronted this weekend by the God of the Universe. It's going to be spectacular! Can't wait to hear how it goes!
I recently bought a book from amazon called, 'Wrestling with Angels' by Carolyn Arends. She is a song writer and musician whom I've really enjoyed for a long time. From the moment my fingers held the book, I could tell it was going to be my spark, nearly like tipping point by Malcolm Gladwell, which is another one of those books which amazed me. Carolyn makes this quote, "My life so far has consisted mostly of a series of seemingly routine moments, completely unremarkable except for the fact that the God of the Universe chooses to encode Himself in even the most mundane aspects of our lives." that quote struck a nerve in me. it felt like something I would come up with.
I have some friends working at a girls retreat this coming weekend. They could use some prayers as they minister to these teenagers. These young girls will be challenged and confronted this weekend by the God of the Universe. It's going to be spectacular! Can't wait to hear how it goes!
Absence
Troy has been out of town for training the last two days, and I miss him like crazy. The house is so quiet without him being around here. Carson and I are managing, but we're both looking forward to seeing him tomorrow night. We get Michael and Alex this coming weekend so that should be fun too. Thinking about going to Dixie Motor Speedway on Saturday to celebrate Steven's b-day. Steven will have all the boys from the ranch. It should be a good time. I'm trying to find a babysitter for the night so Carson can stay home. Any takers?
Carson is doing pretty well sleeping thru the night now. I'm being pretty strict on his feeding/wake/sleep schedule during the day so we can keep up the good sleeping patterns. I'm absolutely loving sleeping thru the night again since it's been before he was born that I got a full night sleep. As long as he gets 6 feedings in during the day, he'll sleep all night long. We'll just have to make sure he's continually gaining weight. So far he's up to nearly 11.5 pounds. So proud of him for sleeping thru the night and being so brave during his shots at the pediatric's office.
Carson is doing pretty well sleeping thru the night now. I'm being pretty strict on his feeding/wake/sleep schedule during the day so we can keep up the good sleeping patterns. I'm absolutely loving sleeping thru the night again since it's been before he was born that I got a full night sleep. As long as he gets 6 feedings in during the day, he'll sleep all night long. We'll just have to make sure he's continually gaining weight. So far he's up to nearly 11.5 pounds. So proud of him for sleeping thru the night and being so brave during his shots at the pediatric's office.
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